Tuesday, 14 October 2008

Page 129

I had been on the telephone all afternoon informing everyone of the funeral details. It was causing quite a few problems being such short notice. Mikes sister June was coming and Erin and Linda and the children, her choice to bring the kids, I personally thought they were to young, other than them I had no idea who would turn up.

Steve, Dennis and I were all sat in the lounge each locked in our thoughts. How were we going to cope on the day, what to wear, would any one turn up. How would we ever come to terms with this momentous loss.

I couldnt stand it any longer and went to have a bath to try and get these thoughts out of my head. I didnt think I had been in the bath that long, when this lovely smell wafted up the stairs, bacon frying, it was the first time I had felt hungry. Then Dennis knocked on the bathroom door saying he was cooking bacon and egg, did I want some. I said I did and that I would be down in a few minutes.

Dennis had gone to the local shop looking for something to tempt us to eat and bought the bacon and eggs. The smell had got to us all and this was the first decent meal we had had since the accident. I must say it tasted good. For some strange reason I felt guilty for enjoying it, as if we had no right to enjoy anything. Later Steve and Dennis said similar things, they felt it too.

We watched the TV for a while then I went to bed and left Steve and Dennis chatting. The sleeping tablets the doctor had given me were amazing, ten minutes after swallowing it I was asleep until morning.

Once again the smell of bacon cooking was beckoning me downstairs and there was Dennis making breakfast, Steve came down behind me. Dennis was an amazing person when he was drug free but totally different under the influence, he was a real Jeckyll and Hyde. He was the nicest,most thoughtful, polite man. No wonder we always forgave him for whatever he did to us. He had been more like a Dad to my children than their own Dad and they thought the world of him.

It was wednesday, a week since the accident and tomorrow was the dreaded day of the funeral. I checked with the florist to see if everything would be done, as we were so late placing our order, they assured me it was all in hand and for me not to worry. Which I thought was nice of them.

I decided today I was going to tidy Sheila`s room and pack her clothes in a couple of suitcases, I didnt want to but Dennis really needed a good nights sleep in a bed. It was the hardest thing I had ever done, with tears streaming down my face I forced myself to continue. Everything I came across evoked a memory. My poor poor Sheila, she had so much to live for.


Dee said...

I have not read anything before today. Google search picked the article up because I was looking for a sleeping tablet that worked.
I will read it later, we have a very slow connection here on the game reserve in South Africa.
I just wanted you to know that I empathise with you. You must have suffered a terrible loss. Time does not heal, but it allows us to cope with our loss. Take care of yourself
Dee Redwood
South Africa

shemic said...

Hi Dee
You are right you do learn to live with the loss but it never goes away. If you want the name of the sleeping tablets that actually work without you waking up in the morning like a zombie please email me. My email is sheila.prior1@ntlworld.com

shemic said...
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