Wednesday, 9 July 2008

Page 26

I was even more depressed, I suppose I should think about returning to work, they had been amazing. I had been off for approx. 3 months and they were still paying me. I couldn`t face it yet a nice big hole for me to climb into would be great. Time passed I still wouldn`t go out, my Mum and Dad were getting worried now and feared for my sanity.

One evening we were all sat in the front room when there was a knock at the door, it was my mate Barbara she said now everything was over, she wondered if I would like to go out for a drink next friday and meet her new boyfriend Bob, she said they were getting really serious and I hadn`t met him yet.
My Mum and Dad both said what a great idea, it would ease me into going out again. I smelt a conspiracy, I asked Barbara if my Mum had coerced her into this, of course she said no, to this day I don`t know for sure. I said I ddn`t think I was ready to face people yet, the very thought of it terrified me. My Dad said he would walk with me to the bus stop and Barbara said she would get on the same bus at Wickersley and we could go together to Maltby and meet up with Bob at the pub called The Queens, Barbara said she thought I would feel better being away from Rotherham where I knew loads of people. I tried my best to wriggle out of it but to no avail, they had an answer for every obstacle I threw in. In the end to put an end to it I said yes. I was convinced I could make up an excuse at a later date.

The next morning I woke up trying to think of an excuse to get out of going. I realised I would have to go as I couldn`t get in touch with Barbara in time to stop her going to meet me on friday.

I worried about it all the next day which was wednesday. That night in bed I made a decision, I would go and I would wear my smartest outfit, my hair would be perfect and my makeup perfection, you see I had convinced myself that everyone would be looking at me and saying thats her, the girl in the papers, when actually as Barbara had pointed out that wouldn`t be possible as no photographs had been taken. My logic was that if they wanted to stare at me(paranoia) I would give them something to look at.

Friday morning came , I hadnt told my Mum and Dad my plan, off I went to get ready. I was still terrified but determined. I was eventually happy with the outcome and if I say it myself I looked great, my D.A. had gone perfect. I felt a milloin dollars.

I walked into the front room, my Mum and Dad were standing there wondering about me, they both had tears in their eyes, they said I looked beautiful, I dont think they ever thought I would get back to my normal self, actually neither did I but I had taken the first step. My Dad said we had better go to catch the bus. I said I would be ok on my own. I felt more confident because of the effort I had put into getting ready.

I went out the back door, went to turn the corner of the house and froze I couldn`t turn the corner because then I would be in full view of everyone in the Avenue or looking out of their windows. I couldn`t lose face and ask my dad to walk with me, I more or less threw myself round the corner and onto the drive, I was aware that my parents were aware of what was happening because of the length of time it took me to get to the front of the house. On leaving the gate I had no choice but to walk tall and proud, I knew exactly what people would be saying that I had soon got over it, they didnt know how I had had to fight, force myself to put one foot in front of the other.

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