Thursday, 31 July 2008

Page 51

Lesley was 9 months old and already walking around the furniture and saying mum, she was amazing . She loved to go downstairs to her Nans (Mikes Mum) you could hear them laughing in our kitchen. Mikes Mum worked in a wool shop she was also an avid knitter she could knit anything, she knitted loads of things for Lesley, cardigans jumpers and trousers, hats allsorts, all in beautiful patterns and colours. Spoilt rotten she was by both Nans.

Dennis my brother was about 14 -15 yrs old and would often come to our house and we would take Lesley to the park and have great times .He idolised her . He could’nt understand why Mike had no time for her. He really didn’t like Mike, Mike often let his guard down when Dennis was there I don’t know why but Dennis asked me one day if he had ever hurt me I said no but he knew I was lying . We were very close , he said he wished he was older and bigger and he would give him what he deserved. He asked me if my Mum and Dad knew , I said no and I didn’t want them to know as they, particularly my Dad would want to challenge Mike. If my Dad gets upset and frustrated he has epileptic fits and I would do anything to avoid stresses and strains being put on my Dad ,who I loved so much and would protect as much as I possibly could. This was my cross to bear, I married him, after such a short time. Marry in haste repent at leisure for anyone reading this, bear this in mind .

Lesley was running around now into everything ,as they do at 2 yrs old ,which wasn’t difficult in such a small place. It was the kitchen,living room,bathroom and laundry room and playroom and dining room and measured approx. 14ft x 11ft this also included a large open fire which had a fixed fireguard , so space was at a premium.

I had been feeling quite sick for a couple of mornings and did wonder if I could be pregnant. I hadn’t had any periods since Lesley’s birth so absence of them, which is usually the first signs didn’t help at all. It was Sunday and June, Mikes sister was taking Lesley and I to Kew Gardens ,it was a lovely warm sunny day we had a great time . I told June I thought I could possibly be pregnant, my skirt wouldn’t fasten so I knew I had put on weight in the right places. She said I should go to the Doctors Monday morning.

I knew I shouldn’t have got pregnant with the state of my marriage, I knew for sure I didn’t love Mike he had slowly eroded any feelings I ever had for him,I am not sure even now whether I was ever in love with him. I was pretty sure he didn’t love me. I am convinced he only married me to spite his Mum because she shut him out of the house one night and wouldn’t let him in. He came back to our house at the Oval and my Dad wouldn’t let him stay, he said he should stand his ground and sent him on his way, the next day he proposed to me and we were married 3 weeks later. Draw your own conclusions.

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