Sunday, 27 July 2008

Page 45

My Uncle Doug and his wife Pat(although my Uncle, he was only 4 yrs older than me) came to stay at my mums for a holiday, Mike and I took them everywhere all the sights of London, Chessington Zoo, we were all worn out. At night we went to Jazz Cellars in Central London till all hours.

The last couple of days I had been feeling unwell, the walk to work was a nightmare. I went to the Doctors, she examined me and said she thought I was pregnant but she needed a urine sample to confirm or deny. I was over the moon I had wanted this for ages. I couldnt wait to go home and tell Mike and everyone even though it hadnt yet been confirmed but the doctor said she was pretty sure. Mike was really pleased and my Mum and Dad were ecstatic, their first grandchild.

I was really not well, I dont know about morning sickness I had all day and night sickness and felt absolutely drained. It was getting very difficult to drag myself to work.In the end I had to go and see the doctor again she confirmed my pregnancy and said I was 3 months pregnant and felt that I should give it another week to see if the sickness stopped and if it hadnt, to go and see her again.

A week passed and no change it was worse if anything, so off I went back to the Doctors. She said she thought I should give up work as apart from the day and night sickness my blood pressure was high. this was somewhat of a blow, as we now needed my wages more than ever.

I went home and spoke to my Mum and Mike and they both agreed that I should give up work. My Mum said she would buy us things for the baby as they were both earning good money and because they wanted too.

I have never felt so ill in all my life , it didnt seem to be getting any better. The Doctor prescribed some anti sckness pills but I didnt take them in case they caused me to miscarry which is what my Mum said could happen. Thank god I took notice of her even though I thought it was an old wives tale, the tablets turned out to be thalidomide- there but for the grace of god go I.

Time passed, things got a little better. The girls I had worked with at the P.O. Bank did a collection and bought me some lovely cot blankets and sheets, I hadnt been there that long, it was a really nice surprise. I had really loved that job and didnt want to leave but my baby came first. Mike was good about it but at certain times I did feel a resentment as money was very short and me feeling so ill all the time didnt help.

We had lived in the flat for about 15 months and Mike hadnt and wouldnt decorate and it was awful. He said if I got all the materials he would do it, so off I went at the first opportunity and bought wallpaper and paint etc... what happened, absolutely nothing. Every weekend I would ask him to make a start so that it could be done before the baby came, his reply was what a nag I was turning out to be. I said if he made a start I wouldnt have to nag. this went on for weeks, I was now 7 months pregnant, I thought I would have one more try but for my efforts I was hit in the face and because of my shock horror and size I fell into the television. The look on Mikes face was so scary I was terrified, he eventually helped me up then seemed to realise what he had done, he turned to me and said "look what you made me do with your nagging, are you ok" I said no I wasnt ok I needed to lay down, so he did help me to the bedroom. I was so scared for my baby. I was terrified, was this the start of a gradual and I am sure planned way of reducing me to someone he could manipulate and be at his beck and call.

I was so vulnerable at that time, I didnt tell anyone but my Mum kept asking me if everything was alright, she sensed something wasnt right, she said I had changed, it must be the pregnancy. I so wanted to tell her what had happened but I thought it was my problem and I was too embarassed to admit that my husband had hit his pregnant wife. By the way he still hadnt started the decorating and I was too scared to ask again.l

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