Saturday, 27 September 2008

Page 112

Morning came and again I rang the hospital and still no change. I was going in to work to explain what had happened and then I would go straight to the hospital and sit with my Dad, if they would let me.

Sheila and Dennis were going to stay with Mrs Smith as she was in a terrible state but couldnt face going to see my Dad. Work were once more very understanding and said I should take all the time I needed. They knew I wouldnt abuse it.

I went to the hospital and found a nurse who said she would check to see if I could sit with my Dad for a while. When she came back she said it was ok and to try and talk to him just in case he could hear but not speak. She said later in the day he was going to be transferred to The Royal Free Hospital somewhere in London where they had better facilities.

I had this awful feeling in the pit of my stomach that if they thought there was any hope for my Dad coming out of the coma he would have been sent to this hospital before now. I loved my Dad so much, we were so close. We had been through so much and I couldnt imagine him not being around. He had been there for me throughout my life, my Mum used to say she felt like the outsider, which she wasnt but she had quite a short fuse , whereas my Dad was so laid back.

The tears streamed down my face, my Dad looked as if he was just sleeping, if only. I gave him a kiss and started talking to him about anything and everything but not a flicker of life was evident. It brought back memories of when I visited him in hospital when I was 9 yrs old after his operation, it evoked such sad memories that I was just sobbing, the nurse came in and said she thought I should perhaps go home for a while, as I was so upset. She said he would be transferred to the other hospital at about 2.00pm but she would ring me at home to confirm that time.

I didnt really want to leave him but I was in such a state I had to go. I was scared I wouldnt see him alive again. When I got home I told them my Dad was being moved and Dennis and Sheila said they would now go to the hospital and stay with my Dad and follow the ambulance to the Royal Free and stay with him. I would have preferred Mrs Smith to not be here, not in a nasty way, just that I had to be with her as I knew my Dad would have wanted that but I really needed some time to myself . I would also like to have gone with Sheila and Dennis to the Royal Free. We sat waiting by the telephone hoping and yet dreading it ringing.

At about 4.00pm Sheila rang and said they were now at the Royal Free and my Dad had been taken into surgery. She said the Doctor had said to prepare ourselves for the worst. They were going to stay there. Fighting back the tears was the hardest thing but I had to be strong for Mrs Smith.

The next telephone call was from Dennis saying my Dad had died he hadnt regained consciousness just gone from us. I couldnt stop the tears I was heartbroken this was the day I hoped would never come. Dennis said they were on there way home. Mrs Smith had guessed from my reaction that he had died and we were both in tears. It was the saddest time.

1 comment:

Sasa said...

Oh honey. I'm sitting here reading this entry with tears streaming down my face. I;m sure the people in this wi-fi cafe must think I've lost my mind! I lost my mother about 20 years ago, but I still have my Dad and I too dread that day when his strong presence is gone from my life.