SUMMER OF 1945

Happy New Year

2008-12-30T02:52:00.000-08:00

Page 188

2008-12-18T03:01:00.000-08:00

Roxy and Sam were not too impressed with the place they lived. They had to clean up other peoples mess and I think it was very noisy. They decided to move in with some friends in Northampton who had a spare room and they thought it would be better. Roxanne got a job at the Cinema in Northampton and Sam got a really good job at Barclaycard so things appeared to be going great.
All too soon things started going wrong and Roxy and Sam decided to look for their own flat or house, as they were both in work it seemed a good idea.
They found a lovely 2 bedroom house in the centre of Northampton it was just right for them and they fell in love with it and somehow managed to get the deposit etc.. together. Everybody chipped in with bits and bobs for the house
Roxy was so lucky she has found herself a really nice lad who will do anything for her and absolutely adores her. Now they are planning to get married next year and I can't wait she is the best Granddaughter a Nan could have and I love her to bits.
My story is coming to an end now Lesley and Chris are happily married and settled. Steve and Sarah are also happily married and settled.
Roxanne and Sam have the rest of their lives to look forward too. Frankie is doing good too, I just wish I knew more about him, he has got more detached from us. I feel terribly sorry that I can't write about my daughter Sheila's life but it was curtailed at a very young age.

I hope you have enjoyed the trials and tribulations of our lives as much as I have enjoyed writing it. For what I have been through one way or another I think it has made me a stronger more compassionate person. At least I would like to think so.
I would like to thank everyone who has stuck with me through My Life Story and thank you so much for your comments and support they were very much appreciated.

Happy Christmas to everyone and all the best for the New Year

Thank you

Page 187

2008-12-17T04:31:00.000-08:00

I settled in the bungalow and really loved it. It was perfect for one person. Being 5 minutes walk away from Steve and Sarah was a bonus I didn't feel so isolated.
Roxanne left school around June 2006 and got herself a little casual job as a waitress at a large Hotel not far from where they lived in Chicheley. At least she didn't have the journey to Bletchley every day and she was earning a bit of money.
Chris was now a Driving Instructor and had a really nice Mini and was doing really well. They had at last sold their house in Bletchley, so that was a relief to them.
Lesley, Chris and Roxanne were not getting on that well but were tolerating each other. It helped having that big house they could escape from each other.
Roxanne got a job at the multiscreen cinema in Milton Keynes and really loved it, she met a young lad called Sam and they hit it off straight away. They went out for a while and eventually decided to live with each other. Some of their friends at the cinema lived in a house that was let out by rooms so Roxy and Sam decided to give it a go. I believe there was some opposition from Sam's Mum, rightly so but she came round to the idea.
They got a room and and were as happy as Larry, Roxanne even got on better with her Mum now she was away from home. In fact the same thing happened to my daughter Sheila and I, way back.
Spent Christmas 2006 at Steve and Sarah's and I couldn't believe it they bought me a larder fridge for Christmas, I was shocked pleasantly, I might add.

Page 186

2008-12-16T04:48:00.000-08:00

An appointment was made for me to view the bungalow with a lettings officer for the Wednesday 30th November. Steve came with me. It was the end bungalow of just three in a Lane. Just 5 minute walk from Steve and Sarah's house. I was concerned about the size of the rooms as I had quite a large Sofa and chair and it was so comfy I would be loth to get rid of it. I was pleasantly surprised the lounge was quite big it had a recessed window so my dining table and chairs would fit perfectly. The kitchen was tiny but have found it to be very workable for one person. The bedroom was a really good size also. all in all I was impressed and said that I would like to accept it. I couldn't believe it she said I should take over the tenancy on the 5th December which was the following Monday this meant I would have to pack everything in my flat, arrange removal and utilities in both properties, it was impossible. Then the lettings officer said she would ring the gas people as the central heating needed to be checked , the bungalow had been empty for about 6 months and the heating had been drained. They couldn't come until the 6th December so I wouldn't be able to move in until after that , so she gave me another week until 12th December I could breathe again. Moving day came and Steve picked up the van and his friend was supposed to help him but he was not well so there was just Steve and I . Sarah's Dad was going to help us when he finished work. Poor Steve he was amazing he carried things down the stairs on his own like sofa, chair, dining table and chairs I don't know how he did it. I did my bit also like the small things . We waited for Bob to help lift the fridge/freezer and cooker and all the really big stuff. It was really hard work but we managed it and my furniture did fit ok. I stayed at Sarah's that night as I had no curtains up and felt very exposed but the bungalow felt like home and my little dog thought so too. I decided this would be my last move, Steve worked his socks off to get it sorted for me like curtain rails etc.... I think because it had been empty so long even the walls had got cold and it took a good couple of weeks for it to feel warm. Christmas was here again. I spent Christmas at Steve and Sarah's with her Mum and Dad and we had a great time. Lesley and Chris bought Roxanne a moped to help her get around. I was worried sick as she used to have problems with a push bike so heaven knows how she would get on with a scooter, although it only had a top speed of 30mph she also had to have tuition before she could ride it. I really don't know how she coped what with the bad weather and the roads into Bletchley being so busy the journey took about 45 minutes on a good day. Before long she was dashing about here there and everywhere. Frankie seemed to have settled with his Dad and now wife, he was left pretty much to his own devices as they had to run the pub. He also got used to the commuting to school. I am sad to say none of us saw him or heard from him , hopefully that would change ,we did try.

Page 185

2008-12-15T04:08:00.000-08:00

Roxanne somehow got to school I think she needed to catch two buses. She was now in sixth form and had quite a few free periods.
I received a letter from the hospital with an appointment to have my Gall Bladder removed on October 24th. I couldn't believe it, of all the dates it had to be the same date as Sheila's accident.
It was to be day surgery, so all being well I should be out the same day. Steve and Sarah were going to have Meg and after the operation I was going to stay with them for a couple of days.
What would I do without them, I am so lucky to get on really well with my daughter-in-law. The day soon came and I was terrified , Steve took me and stayed a while until they started to get me ready for the operation it was about 11.00am.
The next thing I knew I was back in the ward the nurses said it was all over, I couldnt believe it I felt ok. They got me out of bed and walked me around the ward , this was to help the circulation I think. I thought it would be painful but it wasnt. I just felt a little wobbly.
Lesley rang me to see how I was and said she would come to the hospital after work . I asked the nurse what time visiting was and she said I would be going home this afternoon. I told Lesley and she said they would come to Steve's house.
At 3.30pm the Doctor came and checked me over and said I could go home and just to take it easy and that I should be able to be back to normal in about two weeks. I phoned Steve and asked if he could pick me up when he finished work but he said he would come straight away.
When Steve came they couldn't find a wheelchair to take me to the car so I had to walk and my legs were like jelly but I managed it.
By the time I got home I felt worn out . I had only been there about 10 minutes when suddenly I felt really sick and I don't know how but made it to the toilet just in time and I was violently sick and felt really unwell.
I went to bed quite early and slept like a log. The next morning I felt quite a bit better and gradually over a couple of day,s felt well enough to go home. This was the first time since Sheila's accident that we hadn't gone to the Cemetary on the anniversary.
At the end of November 2005 I received a letter from the council offering me a one bedroom bungalow near to where Steve and Sarah lived. I couldn't believe it I knew I was on the transfer list but that had only been for about a year and to get a bungalow I was thrilled .
When I went to look at it I fell in love with it. There was a small fully fenced back garden which would be perfect for Meg and quite a big front garden. I could only look outside as I didn't as yet have the keys.

Page 184

2008-12-13T01:54:00.000-08:00

Lesley had got a job at Sainsbury's but in HR she really enjoyed it, much better than working on the checkout. It was so handy working just around the corner from home. This I believe was full time. Roxanne was now in Sixth Form.
Chris , Lesley's husband was unable to work due to his heart condition but would soon be going to have surgery, which hopefully would drastically improve his quality of life. It was fraught with danger , as any open heart surgery is. It was certainly a worrying time for them both. It would be done at a hospital in London.
All too soon time for the operation approached , it was a double edged sword , as part of you wanted it done but the other half was scared to death. It was difficult for Lesley making the journey from Milton Keynes but she did it every day. His Mum was there also.
The operation had been a success and hopefully in time he would be able to work and enjoy life without having breathing difficulties that held him back.
I think he had only been out of hospital a month when he got himself a job. That proved what a difference the operation had made. I forgot to add previously he had been a PE Teacher until the heart problem reared its ugly head. What a terrible blow that must have been.
Lesley and he were so happy the future looked good and hopefully Roxanne would come to terms with her Mum and Dad's breakup and realise that life is not perfect. In an ideal world we would all like perfect relationships and families but we are talking about human nature and sometimes you outgrow each other. One stands still , no ambition , the other wants to move on in life.
They saw a house to let that they both fell in love with , it was in the grounds of a stately home called Chicheley House near Newport Pagnall very rural but beautiful. They decided to go and have a look at it and if they really liked it they would sell the house. well needless to say they fell in love with it and really jumped in with both feet with out really thinking it through. It would be very difficult for Roxanne to get to school as Lesley didn't drive. They put the house on the market and prepared to move into the house in Chicheley. It was really huge high ceilings beams massive rooms. I could see why they wanted it. Peacocks in the grounds. It was really the fact that it was in the back of beyond.

Page 183

2008-12-12T06:09:00.001-08:00

It was a really difficult time Frankie going to live with his Dad. I don't think Lesley could believe it but like she said if she had refused to let him go he would never have forgiven her, this way if it didn't work out he could always come home. We all asked him to keep in touch.
Roxanne wasn't too happy at home she couldn't get on with Lesley's boyfriend and I must admit I thought he tended to take over the running of the house. Lesley liked this as Jim her almost ex husband never did a thing. I don't think he knew how to make a cup of tea even.
Lesley's ex husband was getting married to the current girlfriend in I believe May 2004 after a very short time needless to say he didn't invite Lesley but incidentally he did still ring her sometimes. I hope this new lady knows what she is taking on, although from what I have heard she will give as good as she gets. He may have met his match. The bully could be the one bullied.
Lesley also decided to get married in June 2004 it was going to be a small family wedding. Just myself, Steve and Sarah his Mum and Dad and brother and sister and of course Roxanne and Frankie . It was a registry Office wedding and Lesley had laid on a buffet which was really nice. I t was also a really lovely warm sunny day. Perfect for a wedding. We all had a really lovely day and Lesley looked radiant.

Page 182

2008-12-10T04:22:00.000-08:00

Jim said if there was any problem with his girlfriend then he and Frankie would get somewhere to live on their own. He didn't care what it took he just wanted him with him. He didn't even mention Roxanne.
Several hours later Lesley rang me and said she had spoken to Frankie and he said he wanted to go and live with his Dad as he didn't like Lesley's boyfriend. Lesley was heartbroken but like she said she couldn't stop him going as he would never forgive her. They used to be so close she was definitely being blamed but you couldn't expect the children to understand the breakdown of a marriage.
I rang Jim back and he was in a restaurant with his girlfriend I told him that Frankie did want to live with him and he said "you have given me a problem now, I didn't think Lesley would let him". I then realised he didn't really want him and was relying on Lesley saying no. I could also tell he was drunk so said he could ring me when he was sobre. Then his girlfriend came on the line and said she knew nothing about this but if Jim wanted Frankie then it would be ok. I also suggested that Jim ring Frankie as soon as possible as the poor lad would want to know what was happening. This was a huge thing it could make or break Frankie. I must admit I was proud of Lesley for leaving the decision to Frankie but shocked that Frankie wanted to go. Even more shocked at Jim's reaction. Only two hours ago he would do anything to have Frankie with him now it was a problem.
The next morning Lesley rang me and said Frankie was really upset as Jim had not been in touch with him and was now thinking it was just the drink talking. I said I would ring him and tell him he had to ring Frankie immediately and let him know what was happening.
I did ring him and again he said I had given him a huge problem but I said it wasn't me it was him not thinking things through and not talking it over with his girlfriend. I said that Frankie was now thinking it was just talk and he was so upset. I told Jim that he should ring straight away or risk losing his son altogether. He promised he would and let me know. Jim did ring him and it was agreed that Frankie would go and live with his Dad in Berkhamsted. School was going to be a problem as Frankie really didn't want to change schools
He would have to take the train from Berkhamsted to Bletchey which was a half hour journey each way. It was a bad time to change schools at 13 yrs old. At least this way Roxanne would still see him at school.

Page 181

2008-12-09T08:34:00.000-08:00

I had a shower and watched everybody eating their breakfast and I couldn't have anything, I was starving. Time was passing it got to 11.30am and the nurse came and said there had been a car accident so the scan would not be free and would I like some dinner. I said yes please.
The dinners were brought round about ten minutes later and it looked delicious and believe me it was. For pudding it was my favourite treacle sponge and custard.
A nurse came to my bed with a wheelchair and said she had come to take me for a scan I said I had just had dinner as the other nurse said it wouldn't be done today. She said I couldn't have it done now as I had eaten , so she was going to ask the Doctor if I could go home and come as an outpatient in the morning.
I waited and waited and about 1 hour later was told I could go home. My appointment for the scan was at 10.00am the next morning. I rang Sarah , as Steve was at work and bless her she came and picked me up and also said she would go with me for the scan. I couldn't have a better daughter-in-law.
Meg had been driving them mad at night she wanted to get on the bed then off the bed then go downstairs she was a nightmare for them. She just couldn't settle. So tonight they would be glad to see the back of her.
I had the scan and it confirmed I had gall stones so now I had to wait to have them removed how long that would take they couldn't say. One thing though it would be keyhole surgery so I would hopefully be in and out the same day. The last operation I had was my tonsils removed in 1951. I was really scared. They did say if the pain came back I must go straight to the hospital.
That night I was dreading the Irishman next door as it was New Years Eve it was bound to be a drunken night.
Jim, Lesley's husband had moved in with his new woman friend, she was perfect for him as she had a pub and drink was no.1 in his priorities. Later that evening Jim rang me on the verge of tears saying he was really worried about his son Frankie , he knew he wasn't happy at home as Lesley had also got a new man in her life and the children were not happy with this. He said he wanted Frankie to go and live with him and would I ask Lesley if he could. I asked him if he was sure and did his new girlfriend want him there. He said yes it was driving him mad. I said I would ask her and ring him back.
I really didn't think Frankie would want to live with them but I had to ask. Lesley was shocked and said she would ask Frankie what he thought and ring me back.

Page 180

2008-12-08T05:02:00.000-08:00

I somehow got through Christmas Day I don't know how. Taking Meg out was a chore in itself but we managed. Everyone was ringing me to make sure I was ok.
A couple of days before New Years Eve I was really in pain again, the antibiotics had made no difference at all. Sarah rang me and persueded me to go back to the doctor. She came and took me and this time I saw my own Doctor she immediately took me for an E.C.G as she thought at first it was a heart attack so I was duly wired for sound but it came back normal. My Doctor said she thought it might be Gall Stones and said I should go immediately to the hospital and she would ring ahead so they would be ready for me.
I was terrified I had no idea what Gall stones was I had obviously heard of it but new nothing about it. Thank goodness Sarah was with me when we got to the hospital Sarah rang Steve he was at work and he met us at the hospital. We waited for ages before I saw a Doctor and then I was poked and prodded and blood was taken and back to waiting again. I suggested Steve and Sarah go home as this was no way to spend your holiday but they stayed, I was glad as I didn't really want them to go I was scared.
Eventually the bloods came back and they said they were pretty sure it was my Gall Bladder and wanted me to stay in overnight so they could observe me then the next day they wanted me to have a scan to confirm the diagnosis. I really didn't want to stay in but it was best I realised this
The last time I had been in hospital was 1965 when I had the twins. I had to wait a while and during that time Steve and Sarah went to get me some night clothes and toiletries. I was eventually taken to a ward which really took me a back as it was all men I was the only women. Steve and I couldn't believe it and when the Doctor came I told her that I was not going to stay overnight in this ward I would discharge myself first. She said that wasn't wise but I insisted. She went away and a nurse came and said they would be moving me to another ward where I would be more comfortable.
I had no idea they had mixed wards, they were mostly really old men coughing and spluttering and I just couldn't handle it. I was eventually taken to another ward that was all women, much better I could cope now.
I thanked Steve and Sarah they had been amazing and they went home and said they would ring in the morning to see the result of the scan. The nurse came and gave me some special socks to wear she said they were to avoid DVT and I was also given an injection in my stomach to thin the blood another preventative. Getting to sleep was really difficult it was so noisy but I evebtually dropped off and was woken with a cup of tea at I think 6.30am.
I was absolutely starving hungry I hadn't eaten for days but they said I couldn't have anything until after the scan. They did let me have two cups of tea which took the hunger pangs away a little. Also I had no pain at all.

Page 179

2008-12-07T07:30:00.000-08:00

It was around October 2003 Steve and Sarah were coming to pick me up to go to Costco as I had never been. I was just about to leave my flat and meet them when the telephone rang, it was Lesley, we chatted for a minute or two and then she said that her and Jim were splitting up it was all over between them. I was so shocked it had come as a complete surprise although I thought she should have done it years ago. How she had coped with his temper and selfishness I will never know. I think he was worse than my husband without the physical abuse but he certainly made up for it with the verbal abuse. He was the type of person who belittled you to cover for his own weaknesses. A control freak.
He was staying at the house until he found a flat or house for himself which made life intolerable for Lesley and the children. I don't know where Lesley got the courage from to tell him it was over, as the repercussions could have been horrendous. He was the type of person who had to be the one to get in first and on this occasion it was Lesley who dared to end it.
I went over to see Lel the following day and I could see Jim in the utility room and thought an argument would ensue but no he must have gone out the back way. We had many arguments in the past due to his attitude to the children and Lel.
Finally just before Christmas he found a cottage not far from where they lived and moved out but he would still not let go. I also had to listen to his rantings over the phone he was totally out of control. If I put the phone down on him he would keep ringing. He said some really awful things about my daughter , of course none of it was his fault.
The children were really upset over the split and we dont know what Jim had said to them but it was all Lesley's fault. They really did give her a hard time. Maybe in some ways she didn't handle it very well but it was a very fraught time. He did sign the house over to Lesley on the proviso she wouldn't make a claim for his pension.
A couple of days before Christmas I woke up in the night with the most horrendous pain I had ever had, right in the middle of my chest and spreading to my back I thought it was indigestion and took some Gaviscon but it made no difference at all. I then started vomiting. I just didn't know what to do, it was about 3.00am. I got up and walked around for a bit then I laid down but it made no diference at all. The pain was ten times worse than childbirth. I was in absolute agony. I think if I had been in my right mind I would have phoned for an ambulance but it just didn't occur to me.
By morning it had eased off a little bit but I felt really ill and decided to get in the car and see my doctor. My Doctor wasn't available so I saw another one , I explained how I had been during the night and she said she thought I had a tummy bug that was doing the rounds and she gave me some antibiotics.
It was Christmas Eve and I was supposed to be going to Sarah's Mum and Dad's for dinner on Christmas day, if I didn't feel any better Christmas Day I would have to stay home. I rang and told Steve and he told me off for not ringing them during the night but I didn't see what they could have done.
Sarah rang me Christmas morning and I said I felt so ill I wouldn't be able to go for dinner, I hadn't eaten since the day before Christmas Eve and food was the furthest thing from my mind. Steve and Sarah came over and took one look at me and realised I was ill. I told them all I wanted to do was go to bed. This would be the very first Christmas I had spent on my own in all my 65 yrs.

Page 178

2008-12-06T02:06:00.000-08:00

They were in Cuba for two weeks and had an amazing time , they loved it so much they are going again 7 years later. It was lovely having them back and settling in their new home as man and wife.
It was a really lovely house and had a cottage style garden with lots of bushes and fruit trees planted in a sort of haphazzard way. All too soon it was back to work for them both.
I missed the garden I had in Milton Keynes this summer being in the flat meant I had to go for a walk to get the sun not as I used to do sit in the garden with Meg. I loved being back in Hemel it was like coming home we had lived here since 1967 so it was home.
Steve and Sarah often came to see me and I went to their house. I was definitely not as lonely as when I was in MK. It had been a good move in spite of the drunken Irishman. Also Roxanne my granddaughter would come and stay with me quite often.
I had booked a caravan holiday for Roxanne, Frankie and myself also Meg my dog in Brean Sands, Somerset for a week during school holidays, it was set right on the beach , just out of the door down a short path to beautiful sand dunes and the sea. This was the first time I had taken Frankie on holiday, Roxy and I had been to Jersey a couple of times. We all had a great time we had a couple of days of rain but the rest of the time was warm and sunny. Meg loved walking along the beach. We also visited Cheddar Gorge and Weston-Super-Mare and loads of other places. All too soon it was time to drive home but a good time had been had by all.
Not long after our holiday Lesley and Jim and the children were going on holiday to Bulgaria and I was going to stay at their house for a week to look after Paddy their Jack Russell and the cat. Paddy and Meg got on really well, they were buddies. It was nice being able to go to the shopping centre as we had nothing like it in Hemel but a week would be long enough.
Christmas of 2002 would soon be with us, myself and Sarah's Mum and Dad and Sarah's Nan over from Portugal were all invited to Steve and Sarah's for Christmas Day. The dinner was superb she had been worrying about it as this was quite new to her. She did really well she did herself proud. I was shocked, her Mum and Dad bought so many presents for Steve and Sarah it was like an Aladdins Cave. my few looked a bit pathetic.
On Boxing Day we went to Lesley and Jim's for dinner. The tradition in our family is that Boxing Day dinner consists of cold meats, turkey, gammon and beef with chips and pickles, red cabbage and onions ,homemade of course. All in all we had a really lovely Christmas. Steve and Sarah were so happy together it was a pleasure to see. He was a good husband too he always helped with the housework and household chores. Theirs was a real partnership. Lesley and Jim's was very one sided Lesley did everything he did nothing, when at home he would lay on the sofa and watch TV and drink or be at the pub.

Page 177

2008-12-05T05:45:00.000-08:00

The horse and carriage drew up to the reception hall , everybody was waiting for them and they looked really happy.

The food was really delicious and we all had a good laugh at some of the comments made during the speeches. After the reception was over I nipped home , as I was concerned about Meg my little dog, being left for so long as she would be wanting to go for a walk . Believe me she was desperate so out we went in my finery I did feel a little overdressed (putting it mildly) taking the dog for a walk. One had to do what one had to do. Then back I went just in time for Steve and Sarah taking to the dance floor.We all had a really good time and all too soon it was time to go home. Sandi was staying over at mine as she lived in a beautiful little village called Cosgrove just outside of Milton Keynes much too far to travel late at night and having had a few drinks, also we had a lot to catch up on as I hadn't seen her for a while.
Steve and Sarah left to spend the night at St.Michaels Manor Hotel and in a couple of days would be going to Cuba for their honeymoon

Page 176

2008-12-03T06:27:00.000-08:00

It was getting close to Steve and Sarah's wedding. Steve and I took Frankie to be measured for his pageboy outfit and I bought a really nice hat, not that I liked hats but felt it necessary. Another day Sarah, her Mum myself and Roxanne went for a fitting for Roxanne's bridesmaid dress, it was a beautiful dark blue.
Steve and Sarah had also bought a 3 bedroom house, they had so much to arrange what with the house and wedding. They had arranged a coach and pair. It was certainly going to be a day to be remembered and then a honeymoon in Cuba.
The day of the wedding, 6th July 2002 arrived, Lesley & Jim took the children to Graca, Sarah's mums house and then came to Steve and Sarah's house I met them there to make sure Steve was ready and give him a little moral support. He looked so smart I was so proud of him. Being 6` 2" the long midnight blue coat he wore looked amazing with the cream waistcoat.
We left to go to the church and meet up with everyone, my cousin Anne and her husband Alan from Yorkshire were there and Sandi a friend of mine and Steve's from Ovaltine and another friend of ours Kay and of course Lesley and their Dad. There was also several friends and families of Steve's. The rest were all Sarah's family and friends. We all went in the church Steve stood with Jim and we waited for Sarah to arrive. Suddenly the music started and Sarah entered the church on her Dad's arm she looked absolutely beautiful , following behind were two adult bridesmaids and Roxanne and two pageboys. They all looked amazing. It was very emotional.
The service began it is such a beautiful church and Steve and Sarah were absolutely beaming.
and looked so happy. All too soon it was over and the register was signed and out we went to the grounds for the photographs to be taken. From the very start a vidio was being filmed.
After the photographs were taken we all followed the Bride and Groom to the road in front of the church to where was waiting a beautiful coach and two lovely horses which was going to take them to the reception. It was a superb spectacle. I thought to myself at the time that Sheila would have absolutely loved the coach and pair. She always said thats what she would have when she got married but sadly it wasn't to be.
Everybody else got in their cars and went to the reception and waited for the Bride and Groom to arrive, I must add the weather was really warm and sunny which added to the ambiance. The reception hall was really beautiful with loads of flower arrangements the theme being blue and white. it was a scene to behold.

Page 175

2008-12-02T05:26:00.000-08:00

The first thing I did on the Saturday was to go and look at carpets as I needed to carpet the Lounge and the hall. I found one I really liked it was terracota colour and quite a reasonable price. I arranged to have it fitted on the Tuesday.
The sofa and armchair looked lost in this huge room but it would have to stay for a while as it was in excellent condition. I also found a furniture shop in Hemel Town Centre and bought a round dining table and four chairs this was going to be delivered on the Thursday, so the carpet would have been laid.
I was so relieved to see there was a walk- in cupboard in the bedroom that had been turned into a wardrobe. This was great because otherwise I would have had to buy a wardrobe. It was a really nicely decorated room and looked really cosy.
I was also quite surprised at how much storage cupboards there were in the hall. The hall was the length of the flat plus an L shaped bit towards the front door. There were loads of units in the kitchen all in really good condition. All in all I think I had made a good move.
When the carpet was down and the dining room suite was in situ if I say it myself it looked lovely. Meg had changed virtually over night, gone was the snapping at everyone now she was pleased to see everybody.
We soon got into a routine with the walks and it worked really well. Sometimes I would take the car and let her run free in Gadebridge Park it was a couple of miles away but she loved it. We had loads of visitors so different to Milton Keynes , old friends looked me up, I think that was why Meg had changed so much we hardly ever saw anybody in Milton Keynes.
One thing Ian hadn't told me about was the drunken irishman who lived next door to me, the racket that came out of that flat was awful, it would start with really loud Irish Music then the arguments would start. Evidently they were a notorious family in this area and a huge family I had seen about four sons and at least four daughters and all the grandchildren who needed to be taught some manners.
Sometimes he would go out and drink then his mates would have to bring him home who were also drunk but not legless like him. On one occasion he came home on his own and tried to unlock my door, when the key didn't work he tried to break it down and I might add he was about 6ft 6ins. This went on for quite a while and then he started kicking the glass doors leading to the drying area, thank goodness they were toughened glass and the language was awful. This went on for about an hour, he then sat on my doorstep leaning against my door so there was no way I could get out so I decided I would call the police , 30 minutes went by and I called again and they said they had been and there was nobody in. He repeated the address to me which was wrong so he said they would be round in 10 minutes.
When they arrived he started fighting them and they had to arrest him in the end, he was completely out of control. This spoilt things for me, I never knew what to expect and dreaded mostly the weekends or St Patricks Day or any other day they could find a reason or excuse to drink themselves into oblivion.

Page 174

2008-12-01T05:28:00.000-08:00

Ian rang me and said he had received a letter from his council saying all the checks had been made and to just wait for a date to move. I also received a similar letter saying virtually the same. Ian said a friend of his was going to help him do the decorating at the weekend.
Steve had already got me loads of boxes from work so I could now start packing , I didn't think I had so much stuff. It is surprising what you gather over time.
Lesley the children and myself went to find me a nice outfit for Steve and Sarah's wedding, I wanted to do them proud. We went to Jaques Vert the designer store within Debenhams and a personal shopper came to help us. She brought out this amazing outfit which I really liked, it was a burgundy Indian Style trousers and sleeveless top with a long coat all embroidered . Very difficult to describe. I tried it on and it fitted me perfectly, it was very expensive but everyone thought it was well worth it. There was even a bag to match the outfitThe following week Sarah and her Mum came to Milton Keynes to look at wedding dresses and I went with them, she picked a really beautiful dress that looked amazing.
Ian and I both received letters saying the exchange was to be 1st April we could now arrange to hire a van. Steve and his mate Paul were going to move me. Everything was packed Lel and the kids came over to help on moving day and Sarah. It was all rush as we had to synchronise the vans otherwise one of us would have to wait for the other to move out. If we got it right both properties would be empty we we arrived.
Everything was loaded on the van and off they went I followed with Meg and Lel and the children to drop them off at their house and then go on to Hemel Hempstead. Poor Meg she was wondering what was going on.
I finally arrived at the flat and they had almost finished unloading the van. I couldn't believe the change as I walked into the flat it looked so much bigger I think because of the magnolia paint instead of the loud Orange and Blue. He had done a really excellent job. He had even put new worktops in the kitchen. This was the first time Sarah had seen the flat and was well impressed. Meg seemed to like it too. It was going to be a bit of a nuisance for toilet purposes as I had been used to just letting her go in the garden but now I would have to take her downstairs for proper regular walks. We would soon get used to it.

Page 173

2008-11-30T06:31:00.000-08:00

Steve and Sarah were getting on really well, they decided to get engaged just before Sarah's birthday January 2001. During the two years they were apart they became really good friends and I think this is always a good start to a good solid relationship, being friends first. Something I didn't have ,we met and married within 12 months. Marry in haste repent at leisure.
Around March time Steve and Sarah realised it was crazy to keep two houses going and decided to sell his and move into Sarah's, her house was bigger than Steve's . It would also mean they could save up to get married.
The wedding day was set for 6th July 2002 it was going to be a big wedding , as Sarah was an only child her parents wanted to go all out for her big day. Roxanne was going to be one of the bridesmaids and Frankie a pageboy, they were so excited. Jim , Lesley's husband was going to be Best Man. They were going to be married in St.Marys Church in Hemel Hempstead and reception at Breakspear BP House.
For some time I had been trying to get a house exchange back to Hemel Hempstead as I was really not settling in Milton Keynes, I felt so cut off and lonely. Being retired now meant I was spending an awful lot of time on my own. I had been registered on the council, both Milton Keynes and Hemel exchange lists for some time with no positive results. I then decided to put an advert in Hemel local paper and see if that helped.
A week after it appeared in the newspaper I received a telephone call from a young lad who lived in Hemel and wanted to move to Milton Keynes. I told him about my house and he was really interested. He lived in a 1st floor flat in a block of just 6 flats 3 on the ground floor and three on the top floor, it had security entry and was in a place called Crabtree Court in an area I wouldn't have chosen myself but I was prepared to go and see it.
I arranged for him to come and look at my house first and depending on whether he liked it or not then I would arrange to see his flat. He decided to come the next day, he seemed really keen. Evidently he had just split up from his wife and wanted a fresh start.
He came and brought the ex wife with him which surprised me but wasn't my concern. They both fell in love with the house and even more so when I said I would leave all the carpets and upstairs curtains. His name was Ian and he said he hoped I liked his flat as he would be so disappointed if it fell through.
While they were there I rang Steve to ask him to come and look at the flat with me and when we could go. He said he was on late shift so we could go any morning. I relayed this to Ian and he said how about tomorrow then. So we agreed we would be there at 10.00am.
Steve and Sarah were really pleased about me coming back to Hemel . I met Steve the next morning, we found the place with no trouble, the flats looked really nice from outside but I wasn't to keen on the area. As Steve said once you have shut your door. It really was a nice big airy flat with double aspect windows from floor to ceiling in the lounge and bedroom. The kitchen was big too and a lovely hallway. Ian said if I didn't like the decoration which was very loud ,definitely not my cup of tea, it was dark blue below the dado rail and an orange colour up to the ceiling, He said he would emulsion the lounge in magnolia and also do the kitchen. The rest of the flat was fine. It had been really well done but very loud.
One thing I forgot to mention when we knocked on Ians door Steve actually knew him they had worked together. What a coincidence. I looked at Steve and he said he thought I should take it. I told Ian and he was so pleased so we both said we would set things in motion straight away.
We promised to keep each other informed on any progress made. He was also going to leave his carpets, the one in the lounge needed replacing but the bedroom was ok, also he was leaving the curtains which was a godsend as the windows were huge and they each had wooden poles.

Page 172

2008-11-29T06:37:00.000-08:00

Had a delicious meal at Steve's and had a good chat. He was looking so much better.The old Steve was back. Sometimes you have to give yourself a good talking to and get things in perspective to enable you too move forward. If it was meant to be then it will happen. I had really enjoyed my time at Steve's but now I had to go home and see to the dog.
Lel had applied for a job at Debenhams a new store was being built, she hated it on the checkouts at Sainsbury's. She was successful and started as soon as it opened. Her hours mostly fitted in with the children but if on odd occasions they were on holiday or something then I would have them. We would go to Howe Park Woods and have a picnic, we had some really fun times.
The summer all to soon passed at least I didn't have to do that journey to Kings Langley every day in the dark. I did find the winter very depressing mostly unable to get in the garden and my house was quite dark as it only had a small window in the front room.
One day Lesley myself and the children were in Westcroft the local shopping area when as we passed the bookshop I noticed a card in the window asking for a part time person, I quite fancied that and Lesley said I should apply so I memorised the telephone number to ring them later maybe.
I did ring the next day and was asked to go to the shop for an interview, which I did and got the job. The hours were only as and when needed it could be twice a week for two three hour shifts. It was ideal as I was definitely getting bored with being at home all day a couple of hours here and there would be great and in a bookshop too, perfect.
Also if I needed to have Rox and Frankie they would be able to come to the shop with me as there was only one person at any one time. At first I found it a little scary being totally on your own in the shop albeit only small. It was more involved than I had thought as there was loads of books to be ordered for people especially for students. It was very interesting. I loved it once I got the hang of things.
Steve rang me one day around October time and said he was back with Sarah and I could tell from his voice he was over the moon. In spite of my misgivings I was thrilled for him and hoped she wouldn't hurt him again. I realised she must have had quite strong feelings for Steve the first time they went out together and perhaps could be forgiven for panicking. Fresh start, New page, Fingers crossed.
I had really liked Sarah, I had liked her down to earth attitude. I really thought they would be good together.

Page 171

2008-11-27T07:46:00.000-08:00

The Doctor suggested Steve spoke to a lady from the Neurofibromotosis Society as she could tell him all about the disease. He said he would ask her to give Steve a ring. It was only a short time later that she rang Steve and she spelled out the things he could expect to come across. Steve told her he had just started a new relationship and she said she would speak to Sarah and let her know the ins and outs. She also said she would ring me which she did.
Steve more or less decided he wasn't prepared to take a chance of having children the odds were just to close, he decided he would have a vascectomy, a decision he didn't take lightly. He told Sarah and she didn't take it too well, I believe she spoke to her parents and the outcome was she ended the relationship with Steve. This devastated Steve I have never seen him so upset and it tore me apart. I was really terrified he might do something silly, he certainly drank far too much.
He lost an awful lot of weight and you could see he was distraught, a double whammy. I rang him every day and went to see him often and he slowly got back to his usual self. I did wish he would ease off with the drink , I knew he would in time.
Meg my little dog , was amazing but she didn't like Frankie much I think because he tended to just poke her and not speak to her and she did snap at him which really scared us all. She was fine with Roxanne, maybe because she was with me when we bought her. Lynne my next door neighbour was also someone she snapped at, I have no idea why but I knew I would have to watch her especially with Frankie.
May soon came and Roxanne and I were off to Jersey again ,this time with full board and a hire car it was costing me a fortune but I loved going with Rox, we had such a good time. Lesley looked after Meg for me she got on so well with Paddy the Jack Russell but Jim now had a police dog, an Alsation called Matt and this did worry me a bit in case he hurt her. We were going to the same hotel The Golden Sands.
We had a really good time we went everywhere the Zoo and just about everywhere on the Island. Roxanne was my navigator and she was really good. We had a lot of laughs getting lost. Roxanne absolutely loved getting dressed for dinner at night the food was top class as it should be.
We would have loved going for a walk along the beach after dinner but unfortunately the tide was in but we made up for it during the day. All too soon it came to an end and we were on the flight home. Jim was working so Steve was meeting us at Luton Airport and taking us home.
Meg was so pleased to see me and she was fine. Lesley said she had been no trouble at all. Roxanne was so excited telling them all about the holiday.We would have liked to stay longer.
Steve took me home and then went home him self, he was looking more like the old Steve now. I arranged to go and see him next saturday and he was going to cook a meal for me, He was and still is a really inventive cook. He had always loved cooking from a child. Friday night was our cooking night, that is for Lesley and Steve, Sheila was never very interested.

Page 170

2008-11-26T06:32:00.000-08:00

Roxanne and I went straight to the pet shop and bought Megan the same food she had been used to and a few toys for her,then we went home. When we got to my house the little dog went crazy sniffing everywhere and exploring the garden and house. From what the lady had said she had been shut in an indoor kennel all the time, no wonder she was enjoying the freedom.
Rox and I sat down and had a drink and a sandwich and Megan sat on the sofa between us. Then promptly went to sleep for about 2 minutes .
Where ever we went she followed us, she also loved her new bed but totally ignored the toys, we tried throwing the ball for her but she had no idea what to do. She had obviously never been played with, how sad is that.
It was time to take Roxanne home so Meg,as we had decided to call her, sat on Roxanne's lap as good as gold.
The next morning I took her to the vet for a thorough check over and to be vaccinated. She was given a clean bill of health. I also arranged to have her spayed but the vet said to leave it a while so that she could settle in a bit first, although he said she appeared to have settled already.
I took her for a nice walk and she soon got used to the collar and lead, she pulled a bit at first but by the time we got home she was walking perfectly. I was really pleased with her.
For some time Steve had some lumps come up under his skin and Dr Williams had said they were fatty tissue nothing to worry about. Over a period of time there were a lot more lumps and some looked as if they were about to burst. He saw the Doctor again and ahe said she would refer him to a specialist just to be sure.
After a couple of weeks he was told that they were not fatty tissue but a very nasty disease called Neurofibromatosis there were two types and lucky for Steve he had the less serious one. It was caused by a faulty gene and these lumps under the skin would get more prolific and if they got really big they could be removed. One nasty side of it was that any children he had would have only a one in two chance of not having it. They could also inherit the type 2 which led to lots of tumours and terrible disfigurements. This was a terrible shock for Steve and all of us. We had never even heard of it.

Page 169

2008-11-25T05:48:00.000-08:00

It was so nice not having to get up and drive to work, I found it difficult to settle at first I couldn't sit still. The weather was really nice and warm so I was in the garden a lot of the time.
I had been working fulltime since 1970 and was finding it very difficult to get used to being at home all day. I felt really isolated. Some days I wouldn't speak to anyone face to face. Still I had better get used to it ,this is what happens when you get older.
Steve rang me one day and said he had met a girl who he liked very much and they had just started going out. She lived just a few doors away. I was thrilled to bits for him I know he had been quite lonely and I could tell by the way he spoke that he had fallen hook line and sinker for her. I couldn't wait to meet her.
Roxanne and I arranged to go and see Steve the next weekend and also to meet Sarah. I have no idea why Lesley didn't come with us.
Sarah was already at Steve's when we arrived, she seemed a really nice girl her Mum was portugese and she had the most beautiful black curly hair. We got on like a house on fire, she was very easy to talk too. I could see that Steve was smitten by the way he looked at her. I had good vibes.
On the way home I told Roxanne that I was thinking of getting a dog she was so thrilled and said we could start looking for one. I said I only wanted a small dog like a Yorkshire Terrier and she was so excited. I promised her that if I found one I would take her with me to see it.
The next day I looked at the adverts in the pet shop and found quite a few adverts for Yorkie puppies but really I wanted a bitch about 12 months old. I decided I would get a puppy as I was home all day it should be quite easy to house train one.
I rang all the numbers I had found but the puppies had all been sold one lady I rang gave me the telephone number of a friend of hers who had just had a litter. I rang but there was no reply.
The next day I picked up Roxanne and we were going to drive around and try and find some more pet shops. I said I would just try the number I had been given yesterday before we started on our quest. This time the lady answered and said she was sorry but the puppies had all been sold. She said all she had was a bitch that was 3 yrs old. Amazing this was what I wanted originally. I asked why she was selling her and she said she was a champion and had been the mother of most of her puppies but the last litter was only one puppy and that had to be delivered by caesarian therefore she wasn't able to even cover her costs. So she was going to sell her. I asked if we could come and see her and she said yes so off we went.
We were only 2 minutes away from the house. She brought out the most beautiful Yorkie , Rox and I fell in love with her straight away. She was running around everywhere, by the look of things she wasn't used to running around. She said she wanted £100 for her which in retrospect was a bit expensive but we wanted her. I said we would go and get the cash and be back in a while.
We went and got a collar and lead and the money of course and went back. The lady said she wasn't used to a collar and lead as she had never been out. I was shocked she must have just been used for breeding, poor thing. This made Rox and I positive that we needed to get this dog. Her name was Megan. She was tiny with silver and grey/blonde fur.
We put the collar and lead on but she really didn't like it and to make matters worse it had started to snow so I carried her to the car and we went to show Jim and Frankie as Lesley was at work, she had got herself a part time job at Sainsbury's.
They had a Jack Russell dog called Paddy and Megan and Paddy got on great. Jim and Frankie fell in love with her too.

Page 168

2008-11-24T04:57:00.000-08:00

I went straight round to Lesley and told her I was being made redundant and the package was really good, I couldn't wait for August it couldn't come quick enough. I told Roxanne we would go to Jersey around May time and she was thrilled to bits.
It was a really bad time at work for the drivers and warehouse lads, some warehouse lads were going to work in the packing room as packers and some were taking redundancy and some were able to stay.The drivers were not so lucky they didn't have a choice.
I was pleased that Clare and John were going to be split up, that partnership was lethal. I would be so glad to be out of it. They had done me such a huge favour, they say if you wish hard enough then it happens and it certainly did.
The next four weeks flew by and this was my last day. The end of an era. It got to 5.00pm and I was ready to leave and must admit I was shocked that no one had even said goodbye, I felt really hurt I thought I had quite a few friends but I was wrong obviously.
I was just going to open the door to the yard when all my mates said "surprise surprise you thought we had forgotten", My two managers were there and they had two beautiful bouquets of the most amazing flowers. They had also bought me some crystal things, a clock , vase, bottle opener in fact loads of things. I was overcome. I said I was going to miss them but I had no regrets. Mark said he would keep in touch and I knew he would we had been friends for 10 years. The drive home was amazing no more of this nightmare journey. I was thinking that maybe I would buy a little dog, I quite fancied a Yorkshire Terrier, I would give it some thought but it would be nice to go for walks as there were some really great walks where I lived.
I had got really friendly with the lady who lived next door to me, she was a mobile hairdresser which was handy. She had a rottweiller called Roxy a huge powerful dog but a big softy. We used to take it in turns to make coffee. She was a really good friend. Her husband worked at Woodhal Prison and was also a Diving Instructor.My house was full of flowers they were in every room, even the bathroom. I was a little worried as I thought I might now have too much time on my hands . I didn't see much of Lel and the children unless I went to their house. Lel didn't drive and there was no direct bus route. I only really saw them on Saturdays to do the shopping. I saw Steve about once a month but spoke to him on the telephone most days yes, I decided I would get a dog at least we could go on long walks.

Page 167

2008-11-23T01:31:00.000-08:00

The three of us in the Despatch Office received letters saying only one person would be required in the Office as the transport was being transferred to an outside haulier, which included the shipping overseas.
There would only be enough work for one person, therefore one could be transferred to the Packing Department and one voluntary redundancy. I immediately saw that if I took redundancy I wouldn't have that horrible journey every day. This was all scheduled to take place in August 1998, therefore I would only be 6 months away from retiring.
At the bottom of the letter we had to put our preferences and I put Voluntary Redundancy. John the young lad said he had also put redundancy which surprised me as he was only 21 yrs old. Clare the other one put that she would like to stay where she was.
I could see that I was going to have a fight on my hands but I was ready. I tried to argue my case with John and was surprised that Clare agreed that it should be me, as I was so close to retirement but John was adament, he wouldn't budge.
We would just have to wait and see the outcome. Mark spoke to John and said he thought it was a bad move for him to take redundancy as he had only been there 2 years so would not get very much redundancy money and he would have excellent prospects in the packing Department.
A few days past and John changed his mind he decided to go to the Packing Department and Clare wanted to stay in Despatch so hopefully the redundancy would be mine. We had a meeting with the group of Managers who were dealing with the re- structure and we each stated our reasons for our choices. They were delighted with the outcome and it was signed, sealed and delivered and we were told to expect confirmation in the next few days.
John and Clare both got what they wanted and I waited for my confirmation. It arrived the next day and I was so surprised at the amount I was to receive, pleasantly surprised I might add in fact I was in shock. This would set me up for the rest of my days if I was carefull. It also meant Roxanne and I could go to Jersey again as I had promised her. I had been at Ovaltine for just over 10 years.In spite of everything I had really loved my job, if not some of the people.

Page 166

2008-11-22T05:01:00.000-08:00

I collected my car on the Friday and it cost me £550 John said to take it back in a weeks time for him to tighten something up. The car felt different but I am sure it was just my imagination. It was definitely noisier but I suppose that was to be expected. I didn't trust it anymore.
It was summer and I couldn't wait to get started on my garden Roxanne and Frankie were going to come and help me!!!
I had been to the Doctors for some reason and she said because of my age she would like me to have a bone scan to check for Osteoporosis as I was so skinny. The only hospital that had a machine at that time was a hospital in Amersham. Lesley and the children went with me and we had decided that after the scan we would take them to the Model Village in Beaconsfield I had taken Lesley,Sheila and Steve years ago. I was surprised it was still there.
I had the scan it took all of 10 minutes and was told the results would be sent to my Doctor in about 10 days.
The model village was only about a 5 minute drive away, I couldn't believe it it looked exactly as I remembered it with lots of additions. Roxanne and Frankie loved it, we spent quite a while there. There was a small cafe so we had a drink and a sandwich. It had ended up a really nice day out.
I rang the Doctor after two weeks and was asked to make an appointment to discuss the results of the bone scan. She told me that I had Osteoporosis, my bones were really thin and that I would have to take HRT to try and stop the rot. I was really shocked as I had only ever had one broken bone and that was when Dennis's dog, Ben knocked me over in his exhuberence and I broke a bone in my wrist but that was about 5 or 6 years ago. Still she knew best, I would do as she said as I didn,t want to end up in a wheel chair or whatever.
I thought if you had that, then you were in constant pain but I had none at all. I was really scared I couldn,t bear it if I couldn,t look after myself and had to rely on other people. I decided I would push it to the back of my mind and just get on with life what will be will be, it was beyond my control.
My garden looked really nice I was well pleased. When the children came over we would sit in the garden and have drinks and sandwiches and out would come the old sheets for them to make tents. We had such fun.
The summer seemed to pass so quickly and before we knew it it was back to going to work in the dark and coming home in the dark. Christmas came Steve came and we had Christmas at Lel's house we had a really great time. The children were thrilled with their presents.
Around Easter time there was a lot of rumours circulating at work. The main one being the deliveries were going to go to an outside haulage firm it would no longer be done by our lorries and drivers. Everyone in despatch was concerned about their jobs.
A couple of weeks later we all received letters explaining the situation it had been put out to an outside haulage company and there would be some drastic changes in our department of which we would be notified in the next few days.
Speculation was rife,everybody was worried especially our drivers some had been there over 20 years and their jobs would definitely go. Its not easy finding jobs when you are in your late fifties early sixties. We would just have to wait and see.

Page 165

2008-11-21T03:04:00.000-08:00

It was nice to hear such good things about Dennis, Len and Jean thought the world of him and became good friends they were very uset about his relapse and the subsequent outcome. He had been a great help to them in the day to day running of the house. They had certainly made us very welcome.All too soon it was time to get the train home, Len was going to take us to the Railway Station. The train would take us to Waterloo Station then we had to get to Euston and get a train to Hemel Hempstead then I had to pick up my car and drive home,such a long tiring day.
I felt so sad I had lost Dennis, my daughter Sheila and my Mum and Dad, what a sad day it was. Although , I know for Dennis it was a good way to go in his sleep he had been fighting a losing battle against the drugs from the age of 16 yrs and he was 49 yrs old now. Many times he had said if it wasn't against all he believed in he would have ended his life years ago. Most of his adult life had been spent begging,stealing or borrowing for his next fix or in prison, what a tortuous life he lived but I loved him so much.
Life carried on, back to work the next morning to have to put up with the two morons in my office. If it hadn't been for Mark and the lads who worked in the warehouse I think I would have gone insane with their inane humour. It was like being in a school playground. Roll on January 1999 when I was due to retire, only 18months to go, only!
I was driving home from work one day when suddenly on a country road out in the sticks my car just came to a stop , the engine made a clunking noise and cut out. I tried to restart it but no luck. I left it for about ten minutes and tried again in case I had flooded it but still nothing.
Thank goodness I had got a mobile phone, I rang the AA and they were there in about 30 minutes because I was a woman on my own in the middle of nowhere, well Leighton Buzzard.
The guy had a look and said my timing belt had snapped and he couldn't do anything it needed major surgery . He proceeded to load it on his breakdown truck and I got in the cab with him and he took us to my local garage in Bletchley. This gave me a real problem as I would have no way to get to work. I spoke to the mechanic and he said he would have a look the next day and ring me but he was sure it was going to be expensive.
I was miles away from home but not far from Lel, so I walked to their house I was hoping Jim would be in to give me a lift home. Luckily he was and said I could borrow his car until mine was fixed. It was a monster of a car a Maestro Diesel , that was like a tank to drive but beggars can't be choosers and it was really good of him and got me out of a really big hole.
John the mechanic rang me the next day and said it was really a big job as the timing chain had smashed the valves and other things, he estimated it would cost about £500 than goodness I was sitting down but had no choice so I gave him the go ahead and he said he should have it done by Friday which was two days away.

Page 164

2008-11-20T07:31:00.000-08:00

I still hadn't heard from Dennis and neither had Len. I was sure he had gone back to drugs. I was suddenly woken up by the phone ringing it was around midnight. It was Lesley, they had just had two policemen at their door saying Dennis had died I couldn't believe it I was so shocked. Evidently the only address they could find was Lesley's. They said he had died of a suspected heart attack and someone would need to go and give a formal identification , as it was a sudden death there would also have to be a post mortem.
Jim said he had the day off the next day and offered to go and identify Dennis for me. as a Transport Cop he would be able to travel free. I was so grateful as I didn't think I could do it myself. I rang Steve and told him he couldn't believe it either, we were all in shock.
He said he would come over the next day as we had a lot to sort out ie.... funeral arrangements. One thing I knew he had to be buried not cremated, it was one thing he had talked about. He had very strong beliefs. I would also have to tell Linda , Dennis's ex wife as Craig his son would want to know, although they didn't have any contact he was still his Dad.
Jim went to Exeter the nxt day(Saturday) and Steve came over. we speculated on what had actually happened to Dennis, hopefully Jim would be able to find out. I rang Linda and she said she would tell Craig and ring me back.
She rang a few hours later and said Craig was really upset and wanted to know if he could come with Steve and I to the funeral , of course I said yes. Linda then said she and Craig wanted to arrange the funeral as because they were on benefits they would get it paid for by the D.H.S.S and Craig really wanted to do this for his Dad.
Linda sorted it all and I booked a bed and breakfast for Steve,Craig and myself for the night before the funeral and I also informed Len and Jean as I knew they wanted to be there. We were travelling down by train, it was a long boring journey. We then got a taxi to the hotel and went out looking for somewhere to eat.
The morning came we had a really nice breakfast and got ready for the funeral. We had no idea where it was so we booked a taxi and it turned out to be about five minutes drive away. I was really surprised there were quite a few people there.
This was the first time I had been to a buriel and I didn't like it, to see the coffin lowered into that hole made me shudder. A man came up to me and said he was Len and introduced us to his wife Jean and promptly invited us to go home with them for a cup of tea and to see where Dennis had lived up until two weeks ago. We were met by three dogs one a little black dog had been Dennis's and was missing him.
I introduced Craig to them and they were shocked as Dennis had never mentioned having a son. I could see by the look on Craig's face he was upset and rightly so but it was the way things were. When he was a baby Dennis wasn't allowed any contact with Craig. Linda and her family made sure of that. To a degree I could understand it as he was really bad with the drugs, he was then a registered heroin addict. Dennis and Linda agreed that it was better for Craig if Dennis stayed out of his life and when he was old enough he could decide if he wanted to see him.

Page 163

2008-11-19T07:40:00.000-08:00

I some how got through the winter getting to work and back. Dennis was doing real good at this place and had somehow stayed off the drugs. I rang him one day and Len answered Dennis had gone to the shop for him. He said Dennis had really changed the last two weeks or so he no longer took the dogs for long walks he now watched TV nearly all day. I found this really odd as he had never done that before.
Dennis rang me later and asked if he could come and visit me for a few days, May Bank holiday was coming up. I said yes of course he could. I had the week off work so we could go out with Lel and the kids ,as he hadn't seen them for ages. We arranged he would come on Friday and ring me from Bletchley Railway station and I would pick him up.
I couldnt believe it he looked so fit and well he had certainly put on a bit of weight. He said he really loved it at this place he was at.He had also got a good mate from their who had a drink problem but they got on really well.
I arranged with Steve to come over and see him on Saturday. I was also going to pick up Lel and the kids . The children couldn't wait to see Gunk(Great Uncle) they loved him. We had a really nice day, it was nice us all being together.
We didn't do much the rest of the week as Dennis seemed quite content to stay home. I think being 49 yrs old had slowed him down. At one time he would have wanted to be out and about. All too soon it was time for him to go home. He said he wanted to stop off in Watford to catch up with his old mates. I begged him not to but he wouldn't listen. This only meant one thing to me he was after drugs as they were all druggies.
I dropped Dennis off at Kings Langley station on my way to work on the Monday as I had managed to persuade him to go straight to Devon and not stop off at Watford, whether he would or not was beyond my control. I hoped commonsense would prevail but I was sceptical, Leopards don't change their spots, I could only hope.
That night I rang Len and asked if Dennis was home and of course he wasn't, god knows where he was. Len said he would get Dennis to ring me when he got home. I had no phone call that night so I rang the next night and Len told me he was home but in bed and once more said he would ask him to ring me.
I left it a couple of days still nothing so I rang again and Len told me he had come home full of drugs and he had got so bad Len had to ask him to leave for the sake of the other men there. As far as Len knew Dennis was staying in a flat with some friends. I had no way of contacting him and had to wait until he was sensible enough to ring me. Such a shame he had been doing so well or so everyone thought but now I was thinking it was all planned and I was the excuse.

Page 162

2008-11-18T03:49:00.000-08:00

I received a letter from Dennis saying he was being paroled in two weeks and that he had arranged to go to a retreat run by monks in Yeovil, Somerset. I was a bit worried about this but it was run in conjunction with a charity called St. Mungo's which was for men with drink and drug abuse. I said I hoped it would work and would help him as much as I could.
I was going on holiday to Whitby with Lel, Jim and the children we all loved Whitby and had been several times. It was August and the weather was lovely. We were having a lovely time and all too soon our holiday came to an end.
I rang Steve to see if he was ok and he told me Dennis had been admitted to hospital for tests on his heart, evidently he had collapsed and on this occasion not through drugs. Steve had hired a car and driven to Yeovil to see him during the week. He said he was all wired up to different machines it looked serious but you never new with Dennis he was such a manipulator. Steve gave me the hospital number and I rang immediately only to be told he had discharged himself the previous day with out any conclusive diagnosis. This was really worrying as I had no idea where he was. The hospital said I should try and make him go back but that wasn't possible , not knowing where he was.
I had been home for about two weeks when I got a phone call from Dennis saying he was fine and that it had been a scam at the hospital he was now in Tiverton, Devon at a big house run by a couple who cared for men who had given up alcohol and drugs. It was run as a family. From what he said it sounded really good. He helped with the gardening and other odd jobs.
He said he was completely off drugs and had put on about 2 stone in weight and felt really good. He gave me the telephone number and said I could ring anytime. I asked about the heart problem and he brushed it aside and said he should have been an actor.
I rang the house a couple of weeks later and Len the owner answered and said Dennis had spoken about me so much that he felt he knew me. He said Dennis was one of the nicest guys he had ever met and such a waste of a good man. Being involved with drugs. This was why we had put up with so much over the years because we knew underneath he was one of the nicest people you could meet but with the drugs a complete Jekyll and Hyde.
Winter was on its way again and I had that horrible journey to work in the dark both going to and from work. I hated it and couldn't wait to retire but that was 3 years away I wasnt sure I could keep going that long but I really didn't have a choice. No one else would employ me at almost 58 yrs old.
Things were not much better at work the other two in the office were still getting on my nerves. The Manager Tom was retiring soon so I was hoping the new manager would possibly improve things but I doubted it. Goodness knows what his clerk would do when he went she would never survive without him, they were as thick as thieves. She was such a trouble maker and he covered for her.
We were all shocked when the manager retired because the clerk also went without a word and we never saw her again. Deep down no one was surprised. The two offices , Transport and Despatch were being knocked into one this would be much better. We also had a new Manager who seemed a really nice guy.

Page 161

2008-11-17T05:02:00.000-08:00

Sandi the new girl at work was really nice and we soon became good friends. All her family were in Zimbabwe, her Mum had died in a horse riding accident there was only her father who was originally from Scotland and he had remarried, so she was here on her own.
She would come over for dinner quite often and went out with Steve a couple of times but it soon fizzled out, she was looking for someone with lots of money and status , nothing else mattered as long as they had top jobs and rich, in spite of that she was a really nice person.
At the moment she was living in London Colney but after seeing where I lived she was now looking to buy somewhere in Milton Keynes, this would be great as we could take it in turns driving to work.
She eventually found a two bedroom house just a few minutes away from where I lived . Then I couldn't believe it she got herself another job in Watford, so bang went the car share idea.
Mark the warehouse manager who was a really nice guy used to go to all kinds of odd places for his holidays like climbing mountains, K2 , Mount Everest too many to name. Everywhere he went he brought back a rock sample or something relevant to the place he was at, for my Grand Daughter Roxanne. He also ran the London Marathon every year and did the Tough Guy competition. Then suddenly he had a heart attack from which he survived but it put an end to his very adventurous life and he was only 27 yrs old.
Sandi left Ovaltine and a new girl started who was a friend of the young lad that started with Sandi and I didn't like her at all. The two of them were like little children.

Page 160

2008-11-16T03:04:00.000-08:00

My house looked really lovely, such a change from when we viewed it. The furniture looked great it fit perfectly. I just new I would be happy there.
I really didn't want to go to work on the Monday I would much rather have stayed home but needs must. I hadn't as yet met any of my neighbours but I am sure I would before long.
At work Helen who I got on really well with was transfering to another department which was a really big promotion, she deserved it she was excellent at her job. I would really miss her as a workmate and friend. There was only Helen and I in our office.
You never new what the new person would be like. We already had a new person in the despatch office and she was a nightmare. It was her way or no way, she was from Durham. The transport manager was smitten and she could do no wrong she even pulled his strings and he wasn't even aware.
Roxanne and I was going to Jersey in May, it would be Roxanne's first time on an airplane and she was so looking forward to it and so was I. I had been several years before and loved it. I thought for Roxanne it would be good for her first flight, as it only took about 40 minutes.
I had booked a short break 3 nights in a five star hotel. She may have been only 8 years old but she loved dressing for dinner etc...
We had an amazing time, I had made a mistake by not hiring a car so everywhere we went we had to go by bus, which wasn't too bad as they were laid on by the hotel. I took Roxanne to the Jersey Zoo and we had a really lovely time in spite of it raining all day. we managed to go to loads of places. The hotel was very sumptuous and the food lovely. It was right on the beach at St.Brelades Bay it was called Golden Sands. All too soon it was time to go home and I promised Roxanne that we would come again and do it properly full board and a hire car.
Back to work and there were not one but two new people in my office. They seemed ok but time would tell. One Sandi was South African from Zimbabwe. The other a young lad was from London Colney.
Frankie was now at fulltime school and had settled in really well. I had been concerned about him leaving his Mum as he was a real Mummy's boy, also with his speech but there were no problems at all ,thank goodness. Lesley had been right, I was wrong. My Grandchildren never ceased to amaze me. They mean so much to me.

Page 159

2008-11-14T05:52:00.000-08:00

Steve and the children really liked the house even the spiral staircase. I couldnt wait to move in now. Steve said he would start the decorating next weekend. This would give me time to get the paint and things.
Lesley and I started cleaning everything. I had also decided to come each evening after work and do bits so that it would all be done for Steve to start the decorating. Steve suggested we went that afternoon to get the paint as we needed quite a lot and it would be heavy. We bought everything paint , brushes , rollers it cost me a small fortune but would be well worth it.
One thing I was concerned about was the heating, it was night storage heaters and I had heard bad reports about them not being warm enough. Time would tell. Steve went home and Lesley and I measured the windows and we went to the curtain shop in Bletchley picked out the material and arranged for them to be made. I was surprised they said they should be ready midweek.
By the following weekend everything was clean and ready for decorating. It looked better already. I had brought a kettle and everything to make us a cup of tea. Steve came early Saturday morning and we made our way to the house. We all got stuck in Lesley and myself. At this rate it wouldnt take that long, although there was no rush really.
Steve came a couple of times after work even though he had a really rotten cold and would have rather stayed home but he managed to finish it all. I am so lucky I have really special children. I rang the carpet shop midweek and arranged for them to come and measure up on Saturday morning and he said that if I liked he would fit it later the same day. I said yes please. Lesley rang me at work on thursday and said Courts were going to deliver the furniture Saturday afternoon. I couldnt believe it everything was working out well. I would be able to move in over the weekend. I had bought a secondhand cooker and washing machine and just needed a fridge/freezer.

Page 158

2008-11-13T06:49:00.000-08:00

I had packed most of my stuff in readiness for the 15th. I had bought loads of cleaning things,broom, dustpan and brush, disinfectant, loads of stuff.
The journey to work and back was getting much easier now as the nights were getting lighter and the ice and snow was gone. It was very tiring though 300 miles minimum a week was telling on me and my car. Three years to go then I could retire, it seemed a long way off.
The moving day arrived and Lesley and I filled the car up with stuff and went to the house. I couldnt believe it nothing was happening, I was met by the estate manager who said she had refused to move out as the house she was moving into was not ready yet, they were still decorating it. I said this wasnt right and he agreed but could do nothing. Also the kitchen in my house had been installed without permission therefore she had to reinstall the original which she said she had in the loft. One thing he said he could and would do was charge her rent for both properties. He said he would ring me and let me know when my tenancy would begin.
Evidently this woman was a real trouble maker and they were all scared of her. Even workmen came in pairs when repairs needed to be done. What a reputation to have.
I received a phone call from the estate manager giving me the new date 1st April, very ominous I thought April Fools Day. The reason for the extra time was she had finally told them that she didnt have the original kitchen, so the Housing association had to fit a new one for me when she moved out and they anticipated it would be done before th 1st April.
This time she had moved out and again I met the manager to sign the tenancy agreement and paid the first months rent and set up a Direct Debit. He told me she was going to have to pay a huge sum of money for the state she had left the house plus the cost of a new kitchen and the delay in vacating the house.
At last I had the keys and could scrub the place and Steve was going to decorate it before the carpets and furniture came. Lesley was going to help also. My children were amazing nothing was too much trouble. I was and am so proud of them. I put all the cleaning products and brooms etc in the kitchen ready for getting stuck in the next day, saturday. Steve was coming to see my new house and tell me what decorating stuff I needed to get.
Lesley,Steve and the kids and myself went to the house and the first thing I noticed was all the cleaning stuff and brooms were gone. I couldnt understand it as all the doors were locked. I rang the estate manager and asked if his workmen had been in, he said no they hadnt got keys anymore. Then he said there can only be one person and that was the girl that had moved out, she must still have a key. He said to leave it with him and he would get it sorted out. He arrived about an hour later with a workman and proceeded to replace all the locks. He hadnt as yet seen the girl and to be honest I didnt think he would challenge her.

Page 157

2008-11-12T06:30:00.000-08:00

I dashed home from work that monday evening and went home to have a cup of tea and pick Lesley up, Jim was looking after the children. I couldnt wait to see the house and area. Unfortunately it was dark so couldnt see much of the outside but what I did see I really liked. Lesley said it was only a short walk through parkland to the Milton Keynes Bowl where they held quite a few concerts ie Robbie Williams etc....In fact it was surrounded by woods and parkland.
We knocked at the door but there was no answer but the lights were on. I had arranged to be there at 6.30pm and it was now 6.45pm. We decided we would wait until 7.00pm and then go. Just as we were leaving a car pulled into the parking area. it was her, no apologies at all. She asked us in and my goodness what a tip it was. There were two biggish dogs and about 4 cats that we saw all in the lounge which was quite small. She put the animals in the garden and showed us around. It didnt get any better. In the corner of the room was a spiral staircase which Lesley thought was really nice I hated it, it looked like scaffolding to me. Up the stairs was a nice landing which housed a massive fitted wardrobe with sliding doors. One bedroom that left a lot to be desired. It had an ashtray full of cigarette butts . The best and cleanest room was the bathroom, it was a really good size. Guess what was hanging from a hook in the ceiling a birdcage complete with a cockatiel
It was a really lovely house if you looked past the filth. The garden was amazing, there was a patio and then a grassed area seperated by a low wall and decorative fence with a gate. Also a pegola, she had really spent a lot of money on it. Shame the house hadnt had the same care. I thanked her and off we went.
Lesley said I had to try and imagine the house newly decorated and with new furniture and carpets it would be a different house. I decided to ring the Housing Association and accept it. Which I did and was told the 15th March would be the date of the start of my tenancy. Therefore I could move in on that day. That weekend Lesley, myself and the children went looking for a three piece suite. It would have to be a two seater sofa and only one armchair as the room was really small. I also went to a carpet shop in Bletchley and explained that I wasnt moving in until the 15th March could they come just after that date to measure the floors for me . I was going to have the same carpet right through the house . I also told them about the spiral staircase and he said he would have to look at it to decide how best to fit carpet.
I ordered a really nice suite it was what they callled denim blue dralon, it was so comfy, it wouldnt be delivered for 4 weeks which was a bit of a nuisance but it would give me time to get the carpets fitted in an empty house.

Page 156

2008-11-11T04:54:00.000-08:00

Roxanne was doing really well at school , she was 7yrs old going 17 yrs. I loved her so much we were real buddies. I was a little worried about Frankie as he really didnt speak very well and I wondered how he wold get on in school. He didnt really have to use words as Lesley anticipated his every need so a grunt and a point got him what he wanted. I loved him so much but I was concerned.
We had just had our dinner when Roxanne looked out of the window and said it was snowing , we all dashed to have a look and sure enough there was a thin covering and it was snowing really heavy. Lesley and I said to the kids to give it a little while longer and we could go first footing( be the first to make footprints in the snow) a family tradition of ours. My goodness in half an hour it was quite deep and I was beginning to get worried about getting to work the next morning . We all got wrapped up warm, hats ,gloves and scarves and out we went. We had such a good time. Immediately in front of the house was this huge parkland that stretched for a good way. I think we first footed most of it. when we were so cold we couldnt stand it any more we went home for nice hot drinks.
The following morning it was complete whiteout as far as the eye could see. I knew I wouldnt be able to drive as I wouldnt be able to get the car out of the garage so I decided I would walk to the Train staion and see if the trains were running. I had to make the effort or my workmates would say at the first sign of bad weather she couldnt make it in to work. Lel said I was crazy, maybe I was but I was going to give it a go. I got my snow boots on and set off across the field. Lesley and the kids were watching me out of the window. The wind was blowing the snow in my face it was about 6inches deep and it was like climbing Everest. It seemed to take me ages I almost gave in and turned back but no I carried on.
I eventually got to the station and yes trains were able to run but they said there were long delays. A train to London Euston came and we all piled in and proceeded to wait for about half an hour. There was standing room only.At last the train got going it was stop start and was taking ages but they were doing there best.st we got to my station, Kings Langley and I couldnt believe it , there was just a smattering of snow, nothing like Milton Keynes. They would never believe it at work. It had taken 3 hours getting there, the usual time was 45 minutes. I was right no one believed how much snow had fallen in Milton Keynes . I was dreading going home this evening, not the train journey but the walk from the station to home.
Home time came and I went to the station just as a train came along. We got to Leighton Buzzard and the snow was really deep and it got progressively worse the nearer we got to Bletchley. I was dreading the walk home. We arrived and I walked out of the station and couldnt believe my eyes Jim was waiting for me in the car, he said he had been sat waiting for about an hour. I thanked him so much. we had our differances but this was an amazing thing to do. Evidently Lesley had told him of my struggle to get through the snow drifts he said he had admired my tenacity and thought this was the least he could do. He definitely went up in my estimation.
Roxanne had made me a paper medal for getting through the snow. I had decided that if it was the same in the morning then I would stay home. I got up at the usual time looked out of the window and it looked much better so I went to see if I could get the car out of the garage. I managed it and set off. The side roads were still really bad but much better on the main roads. I got to Stoke Hammond went up the hill ok then down the hill the other side but my god this was a sheet of ice. I had little or no control down we went sideways, luckily no one could get up the hill. The cars behind me were doing the same it was pure luck we didnt hit each other. At the bottom of the hill the police were diverting the traffic, as the road ahead was like the one we had just come down and that was in the process of being closed.
The road we were diverted on was not much better but there was a little grip. It was an absolute nightmare. Why did I move to Milton Keynes, I must have been mad, this was no picnic. I finally arrived at work again 3 hours late but in one piece which had been a miracle or my skillful driving. Later that day Lesley phoned me and said it had started thawing and most of the snow had gone.
I was getting ready for work one morning when I heard the postman I looked and there was a letter for me from Guiness Housing association, I wondered what they wanted now. I couldnt believe it, they were offering me a one bedroom house in Emerson Valley , they had enclosed the telephone number of the person at the moment living there for me to ring and make an appointment to view. If it was suitable I would take over the tenancy from 15th march, in 3 weeks time. I was so thrilled my own place again, as much as I had loved being at Lel`s I couldnt wait. I wanted to tell them but they were all in bed
Off I went to work and the first thing I did was ring Lel and tell her about the offer, she was thrilled to bits, I said I would ring her after I had rung the present occupant and find out when we could view the house.
Lesley rang me about an hour later and said her and Jim had been and had a look at the house obviously from outside and said it was really lovely, an end of terrace with my own car parking space. She said I would fall in love with it. I kept trying to ring the house and finally got through at 2.00pm and arranged to view it at 6.30pm this evening. I couldnt wait.

Page 155

2008-11-10T07:53:00.000-08:00

The 15th December came, moving day, we managed to get everything in the van we had hired. Managed to leave my plant I loved so much but was to tired to go back for . We took the van to Steve`s new house, emptied it ,then Jim took it back to the hire place and Steve took me to pick up my new car. We then had to go to Steve`s and pick up my clothes and bits and bobs.
By this time it was about 7.00pm we had been on the go since about 8.00am that morning. I dont know why we moved so many times as I absolutely hated it. Steve had a bed to sleep on but nothing to sit on until his new furniture arrived in a couple of days, hopefully. I said to Steve Lesley and I would be over to see his house properly over the weekend.
This was the first time I had actually driven my car , I set off for Milton Keynes tired, hungry and worried. When I got to Lesley`s house they had arranged a garage for me from the council which was just round the corner from Lel`s. This had been worrying me as just recently there had been several incidents with vandals. Jim offered to put my car in the garage for me as I was absolutey shattered. He had also been busy assembling the bunk beds I had bought for Roxanne and I , she was having the top bunk and me the bottom. She was so excited. A very welcome cup of tea was put in front of me, I hadnt had one since about 12 noon. A beautiful dinner followed and I said I could get used to this.
It was so nice the next morning, being woken by the kids , having breakfast and getting ready to go shopping. I began to relax, I dont know what it was but I felt really apprehensive of what, I had no idea. We did loads of food shopping and went to have something to eat. I didnt have to think about driving home to Hemel.
Jim had been really good he had checked over my car put petrol in and checked the oil and water ready for me to go to work on Monday. I had no idea what the traffic would be like at that time in the morning so I anticipated leaving at about 7.00am.
Sunday morning Lel the kids and myself went to Steve`s house as Lesley hadnt seen it nor had I properly. It was a really nice end of terrace house. Well decorated and nice carpets. The kitchen was a really good size for a one bedroom house and the lounge. He had made a really good choice. It was also a stones throw from the Snooker Club and shops. It was also just around the corner from where his Dad lived.
Monday morning soon came round and off I went on my maiden voyage. I couldnt believe it I arrived at work at about 7.45am it had taken me much less time than I thought it would, so the next morning I would leave at 7.30am and try that. I didnt start work until 08.30am.
It was a nightmare driving home at night in the dark, along country lanes but I soon got used to it. The worse times were when it was foggy and icy. The nice thing was getting home and the children dashing to see me and Lel putting my dinner in front of me. This was something I had not had since I lived at home with my Mum and Dad about 30 years ago.

Page 154

2008-11-09T04:53:00.001-08:00

Things started to go through but this young couple were a bit slow in answering queries from the estate agents and solicitors. Although in theory they had been offered a mortgage they didnt seem to realise they had to now confirm it. There seemed to be snags cropping up all the time through their lack of dealing with things immediately.
Our solicitor was getting frustrated with them. Contacting them was another thorn in the side. Steve`s house was going through without any problems, now we were worried about the timing, as the people buying our house were so laid back they were virtually comatose.
We had started packing things that we didnt need to use so the house looked a bit of a mess. One thing that was really good was that most of the furniture was staying so we wouldnt have that to contend with. Jim , Lel`s husband was coming to help us, we would only need a transit van.
At last several months later we exchanged contracts and we had a moving date of December 15th a bit close to Christmas, now we could arrange the van rental etc.... and start packing in earnest. Steve and I also went to look for a car for me we found a really nice Vauxhall Astra only 3 years old unfortunately it was white so it would show the dirt. It was an ex lease car with full service history and in excellent condition. I explained to the guy that I wouldnt be able to pay for it until 15th december when we would get the proceeds from the house sale and he agreed to hold it till then.
I spoke to Mr Green my solicitor and explained about the car, he asked me where I was buying it from, I told him and he said he was his solicitor so he would arrange to transfer the money direct to the dealer. He rang him and then rang me back to say it was all agreed and I just had to collect the car on 15th.

Page 153

2008-11-08T04:06:00.000-08:00

At last we had a young couple who came to look at our house with their parents, they seemed very keen. I told them that most of the furniture could be left if they were interested as they were just starting out. They said they would definitely be interested in that.

A couple of hours later the estate agent rang and said the young couple had put in an offer of the asking price ,if we accecpted it could they come back this afternoon for another look. I said this would be fine . I couldnt wait to tell Steve , he was out looking at a one bedroom house in Grovehill.

Steve came home and said he really liked the house he had just looked at. It was fairly new and just along the road from a friend of his. When I told him about the offer we had just got , he was thrilled to bits. This house was close to where he worked, if he had car problems it was within walking distance. I could tell he really wanted it. Before he made an offer he was going to wait and see the people who wanted ours if they put a deposit down then he would know they were serious.

They came and had another look round and said it was just what they were looking for and were going straight to the estate agent to start the ball rolling, this was really good news for Steve. He phoned the Estate Agent for the one bedroom house and made an offer which was also accepted. Now we had to hope that our house sale and Steve`s purchase would co-incide. It didnt matter to me as I could go to Lels at anytime.

The buyers of our house said they would like us to leave whatever we could as they had only got a bed. So I said we would leave all the lounge furniture and a couple of units in the dining room and bits and bobs. They also said they would like Sooty our cat, I thought they were joking but they were serious. This was handy for us as I couldnt take him with me, Lel had two dogs and a cat. Steve wasnt to keen on having him as he would have all new furniture and Sooty was a bit of a scratcher.

Steve was going to take the washing machine, hoover and several other bits. We had been to Ikea and he had bought a kitchen starter set that included pans, dinner set and just about everything you would want in the kitchen.

I was worried I really didnt want to move, I loved this house. I just couldnt imagine not having my own place and in fact being a lodger. Although I really wanted to be with Lel and the children. I was sort of in limbo. I also had to buy a new car as the one I had , had just given up the ghost. Again, timing was of the essence as the money to pay for it was coming out of my share of the profit from the sale of the house.

Page 152

2008-11-07T00:59:00.000-08:00

I rang the Estate Agent to come and give us a valuation so we could put it on the market. We were shocked as he said it was worth , at this moment in time around £43.000 but to put it on the market at £45.000. We negotiated the estate agency fees, which were extortionate. Later that afternoon a For Sale sign appeared, so we had better keep the house tidy. we had agreed with the estate agent that if we were unable to be there for propective buyers we would give them a key.

Steve was really excited as he could now look for a house or flat for himself. I was scared I would be technically homeless. I know the guy from the Housing Association said I would have to wait about 3 months but could I rely on that. I didnt really get on with Jim my son-in-law, so I was taking a chance. I would just have to bite my tongue.

Over the next week several prospective buyers came to look and said they were really keen but no offers were made. It was a waiting game, the right person would turn up eventually.

Dennis was once more in trouble, he had been arrested yet again for theft of Doctors Bags and burglary and deception and goodness only knows what else. You could paper a room with the length of his charge sheet. He was allowed out on bail until two weeks time. He said this time he was looking at a prison sentence of about 3-4 years, his longest yet. This meant he would lose his flat as they would only pay his rent for a maximum 1 year. He would also have to get his dog re-homed as again he was warned that the kennels would not board him again free of charge whatever his sentence.

Dennis rang Blue Cross to see if they would re-home Ben as he was going to prison and they said just give them a ring when he wanted to take him. We arranged to do it the following Saturday it was no use leaving it to the last minute. He would hopefully get a good home as he was a lovely dog and deserved a good cosy home. It was very upsetting but as I would not have a home of my own I couldnt have him.

Dennis went to court and received a 2 yr custodial sentence, much less than he expected. He would only serve 12 months if he behaved himself. I got in touch with the council who paid his rent and asked if the length of sentence went on time served or sentence imposed. They said it was on the sentence imposed, therefore he wouldnt qualify. the other thing I found out was that Dennis hadnt even told them he was going to prison. They said this now meant they would have to wait for his rent to get into arrears then take him to court and eventually evict him. I could just see the outcome Dennis would get out of prison and find he had just been evicted. At least he could make arrangements for when he came out.

We still had a steady flow of prospective buyers but no offers as yet. Steve had been to look at quite a few houses and flats but not found the right one yet. We really needed to get an offer on our house because his deposit would come out of the profit.

Page 151

2008-11-05T06:51:00.001-08:00

Time passed Roxanne started school and really loved it. Frankie was growing fast but he was a sullen little boy nothing seemed to please him. He was a real Mummy`s boy. I dont think his Dad had much time for him or Roxanne. They were all treading on eggshells when he was home. His phylosophy was seen but not heard.

Dennis was back on the drugs, it hadnt taken him long. His flat was a disgusting mess. It wouldnt be long before he would be back in prison. I reminded him that the kennels wouldnt look after Ben again and that if he went to prison he would lose him. He said it wouldnt happen, I hoped it wouldnt but I knew differently. Sadly there was only one person who mattered to him that was him. A drug addict is so consumed with getting the next fix that everything and everyone pales into insignificance, they have tunnel vision. The consequences dont matter at that time but later they become consumed with self pity.

Steve and I did loads to our house by way of improvements, we had walls knocked down, instead of a separate dining room and kitchen we had an archway so it became open plan. It was amazing. You wouldnt believe how good it looked. We had new carpets right through. The three years were nearly up and I didnt want to sell but I didnt really have a choice as that was the whole idea of buying it. Steve was so looking forward to having his own house, he was almost 30 yrs old.

I had decided to try and get a house or flat in Milton Keynes to be near Lesley and the children. I had contacted a Housing Association and explained my situation and they said they would come and see me and discuss the options, a date was agreed. The man from the Housing Association came and I explained the situation that the house belonged jointly to Steve and myself and he needed to get his own place therefore we had to sell. I said for a while I could stay at my daughters and asked if he could tell me roughly how long it would be before I would be offered a house or flat. He shocked me by saying he anticipated it being about 3 months. I thought it would be much longer than that. So I asked him to put me on their books.

It would mean me driving about 300 miles a week from Milton Keynes to Kings Langley I wasnt really looking forward to this but I would get used to it. With some of the proceeds from the sale of the house I intended to get a newer car, with that mileage I would need something reliable.

Lesley and the kids were excited about me going to live with them for a while as was I.

Page 150

2008-11-04T07:03:00.000-08:00

Dennis came out of prison so I went to collect him and then we were going to get Ben from the kennels. Dennis was worried in case Ben didnt recognise him. Of course he did and went absolutely crazy. The Lady who ran the kennels made it clear to Dennis that they wouldnt be able to board him again. Evidently it was a one off . They had taken care of him very well, he looked in perfect health .

Dennis was really shocked when I told him that Allie had died, he thought so much of her. He would often take her on long walks which she loved. He said it would be really strange in our house without any dogs. He was pleased to know we had a black cat called Sooty.

We bought food on the way home for both Dennis and Ben. Dennis couldnt wait to get in his flat. After prison he said it would be like a little palace. He was full of good intentions no drugs, no stealing and he said he would look for a job......if he did these things it would be great but I didnt hold out much hope. Give him a week if that. I sincerely hoped I would be wrong.

Lesley and Frankie were doing really well. Dennis was going to see them on Saturday with Steve and I. Dennis hadnt seen Frankie yet. We went shopping, as there were so many of us I had to take Jim`s car it was much bigger than mine. We had 4 adults a 4yrs old and a 1 yr old and a pushchair and coming back we would have Lel`s weekly shop.

We had such a laugh, we always did when Dennis was around. It was such a shame that drugs ruined his life, he missed out on so much.

Dennis was pleased that Jim was at work as he felt very uncomfortable when he was there because he was a policeman. In fact he was now a dog handler he had a really lovely Alsation called Matt. He was kennelled outside. Jim and the dog had an amazing partnership.

Page 149

2008-11-03T04:44:00.000-08:00

Frankie`s first day home was eventful, he wasnt very well at all and by the evening Lesley decided she would ring the hospital and they suggested taking him there, the weather was atrocious freezing cold, it was December, we wrapped Frankie up really well and off they went . I had to stay with Roxanne.

They were back after a couple of hours and everything was ok but we definitely needed the reassurance. I had to go home on the sunday for work on monday, I would have liked to stay and help Lel but I couldnt get the time off work. Jim would have to help.

Steve and I decided we would consider buying our house as I was due to quite a discount. I got in touch with the council for details of Right to Buy. I was so shocked with the discount of 65% it meant we could buy our three bedroomed maisonette which had a new kitchen and bathroom fitted only 6 months ago for £18.000 .We couldnt sell it for three years, if we did we would have to repay the discount. Steve and I thought about it and from my point of view it was a must. How else would I be able to give Steve the amount of money he would get when we sold it. assuming the value of property would rise. 65% discount was an amazing amount.

We decided to go ahead and set things in motion. We got the mortgage with no trouble and a little bit extra to enable us to have double glazing fitted. I think it took about 2 months and then the property was ours.

Allie our Great Dane was a bit off colour, she seemed to be lethargic which was so unlike her. The average life span for Great Danes is about 7 years and Allie was 10 years old and up till now as fit as a fiddle.

That night I woke up at about 3.00am and Allie was standing at the side of my bed really struggling for breath. I tried to get her to sit on her bed but she wouldnt move. I was really worried. I got back into bed but I couldnt sleep, every time she breathed she was making a rasping noise. I must have dropped off as the next time I looked at the clock it was 7.00am and Allie was still standing up and struggling for breath. She was in a terrible state and I was so worried.

Thank goodness it was Saturday so Steve was able to come to the vets with me. What a job we had trying to get her to walk down the stairs. If Steve hadnt been there I couldnt have managed.The vet agreed to see her straight away. She even stood up in the car , she wouldnt or couldnt lay down. The vet examined her and told us her heart and lungs were not working as they should be and he didnt think there was anything he could do. He said she was in great pain and the kindest thing would be to euthanase her. Allie was my last link to Sheila my daughter she had bought her for me just before she died. I just couldnt bear to lose her but neither could I see her suffer as she was. It didnt take a vet to tell me my beloved dog was in agony and that we must do the right thing for her. I looked at Steve and he said we should listen to the vet.

So I said ok. The vet said we could sit with her while he gave her the injection. I sat on the floor with her and hugged her and she just faded away in my arms. The tears came I couldnt believe she had gone.How much more could we take. We made our way home, I couldnt imagine our house without her. It would seem so quiet, even though she didnt make a noise, her presence would be missed.

Page 148

2008-11-02T05:46:00.000-08:00

A couple of years passed and Roxanne had grown into a beautiful little girl. Lesley spent so much time with her, doing all sorts of things. She would often spend weekends with Steve and I. We decorated the single bedroom and had new carpet with Teddies on, she loved it.

Steve had passed his driving test and had bought a Vauxhall Cavalier, I must admit I was scared for him after what happened to Sheila. Lesley rang me one day and said that she was pregnant Roxanne would be three yrs old when the new baby arrived, exactly the same gap as Lel and the twins. I did tease her that she might have twins and she wasnt amused.

This wouldnt be such an expensive time as she still had the cot and pram and loads of bits and pieces, loads of clothes if it was another girl but they would like a boy. Either would be fine just as long as it was healthy. We were so thrilled.

I still went every saturday, I dont think I missed any since Rox was born. I really looked forward to our shopping trips. It would be more difficult with another baby but we would cope. Lesley coped with pregnancy really well and looked the picture of health.

Lesley had another difficult birth but both mother and son were eventually ok, they named him Franklin, where that came from I do not know, as previously they said if it was a boy it would be Connor and if a girl Scarlet but it was Franklin. I have to be honest I really didnt like the name, thank goodness they were going to call him Frankie. He was a lovely little boy he weighed less than Roxanne 6lb 5ozs if I remember correctly.

I stayed at Lels house while she was in hospital to look after Roxanne and I really enjoyed it. She was a joy to be with. Cant say the same about her Dad, him and I just didnt get on, it wasnt for the lack of trying, we just had different outlooks on life. In fact we were chalk and cheese.

Page 147

2008-11-01T06:27:00.000-07:00

I finished my first week at the Ovaltine Factory, it had been hard but enjoyable. I was now looking forward to the weekend. Saturday I was going to Milton Keynes to see Lel and baby Roxanne, we were going shopping. I had a carrycot safety belt fitted in my car.

I couldnt believe it Roxanne had grown so much in a week, Lel looked tired she said Roxanne didnt sleep very well and of course now she was home she had to run after Jim as well. Fetch this get that.

It was hard work with a baby when you went shopping, first you had to take the pram body off the chassis and stow that somewhere in the car which was difficult as my car was small in fact a Fiesta. Then secure the pram and baby then drive to where you were going, then unload the chassis fix the pram body to it ,get the baby bits and pieces ie nappies etc... you were exhausted before you even went to the shops. But I wouldnt have had it any other way, I was so proud of Roxanne and Lel ,of course.

Coming home we had the same with the added problem of being able to find room for the shopping we had bought. We would then have a cup of tea and usually cheese and cucumber rolls. Real contentment. I was so lucky to have such amazing children, they had never given me a moments trouble and we were so close and I loved them so much.

Then I would go home to Hemel Hempstead about 25 miles. I would then have housework to do and washing ,cook dinner, no rest for the wicked. Tomorrow Steve and I were going to visit Dennis he had sent us a visiting order from Brixton Prison, so that would be a nice day out!!! I dont think but it had to be done. Steve and I hated it. It was degrading to have to queue up and then go through the x`ray machines , have your handbag searched . Thank goodness we didnt go very often. Dennis so looked forward to our visits we hadnt the heart to not go.

I soon got the hang of my new job and really loved it. I got on so well with Donna we became real good friends. We would go shopping together at lunchtime. She was a lot younger than me about 20 yrs old. Her and her boyfriend had just rented a flat and were moving in together she was so excited.

A couple of months after I started there Donna got a really good job at Yellow Pages I would miss her so much. It was a lot more money and she needed it now she had a flat, money was very tight for them. June who worked in the traffic office didnt get on with Tom the manager so she transferred to another department.

They were interviewing for replacements for both Donna`s job and Junes job.

Page 146

2008-10-31T07:21:00.000-07:00

It would be strange having to get up for work again as I had been off for about 3 months. I couldnt believe it my first morning at my new job and I had overslept, either I hadnt set the alarm clock or I had switched it off and gone back to sleep. I anticipated having breakfast sitting watching TV for a while and then going to work . Instead it was a quick wash, makeup put on in 1 minute and dash to the car, I got there at 8.25am and I started work at 8.30am....wow not the best of starts.

The personnel officer took me to where would be working and I couldnt believe my eyes, the office that I would be in was like something out of the ark. Desks that had definitely seen better days, chairs that all needed re-covering, I had come from an ultra modern office no expence spared.

I was introduced to everyone and I would be working with a young girl Donna who seemed really nice and friendly, she was going to teach me. Mark the warehouse manager who shared our office and Tom the Office Manager who was in a tiny office next door along with an elderly lady who was the clerk.

Donna and I got stuck in we did the admin for everybody in Despatch, we were responsible for all Inventory adjustments, Stock adjustments, transfer of stock to outside warehouses, Cycle Counts and export shipping documentation. Credit notes etc... This was going to take some serious learning but I loved a challenge.

There was also a small office off our main office that was the Post Room manned by a lady about my age Nancy and a guy similar age. They were a sort of couple but lived each in their own homes in fact Nancy lived in a static mobile home which was beautiful, from inside you would have thought you were in a normal house.

My first day was hard and not exactly getting off to a good start by getting up late. I knew by the end of the first day that I was going to really like this job and the people. There was about 20 Warehouse lads also that were in and out of our office.

Every time you left the office to go either to the toilets or the canteen the smell as you walked across the yard was of chocolate, it was actually the Ovaltine being made. In fact there were so many products made there. I found out there was a staff shop where they sold most of the products at a very much reduced price, usually the containers would be slightly damaged or badly printed which couldnt be sold to the general public.

Page 145

2008-10-30T06:43:00.000-07:00

Lesley and the baby went home after 4 days. Now the hard work starts, sleepless nights and everything that goes hand in hand with a new baby. I couldnt see Jim doing much he was very much like my ex husband, all over the baby in front of visitors but when they were gone so were they.

Well , now I would have to start looking for work as the money was getting very low. I decided to go and sign on at an agency and do temp work. The first place I got was the Royal Mail it was for 6 weeks which was really good. I would be working on Customer Service and believe me it was very busy. I also had to open all the unable to be delivered post to enable them to be returned to sender and there were loads, like sacks full.

The agency rang me about a job at The Ovaltine Company as a Despatch Clerk she didnt have many details so she suggested I give them a ring. I spoke to the personnel officer and the first thing I said was I was 49 years old and if that was too old to please tell me before we went any further. She said she guessed I had come up against the age barrier, I said I had on several occasions.

She assured me that wasnt the case in this company and past work record and experience was the key. She asked me to go and see her the following day. The job I had applied for required a good head for figures, which I had , accuracy, which I prided myself with. She read my CV and said I appeared to have all the experience in my previous jobs that they were looking for. She said she would have to pass on my application to the Warehouse Manager and they would let me know if he wanted to see me. I had a good feeling about this job.

A few days later I received a telephone call at the Royal Mail from Ovaltine asking me to go for an interview in two days time. I was thrilled. The Warehouse Manager was a nice enough guy, he hadnt been there that long himself. I dont think he was far off retirement age. The interview went well and he said he would like me to have a short interview with the Stock Controller who I would be under if I got the job. This I did and I didnt feel at all nervous and it went well.

I was then taken back to Personnel and asked to wait a while and the Personnel Officer would come and have a word with me. I was a little confused as usually you were told you would hear from them in a few days.

I waited about 20 minutes or so before she came and apologised for the wait I had but thought I wouldnt mind as they were offering me the job if I wanted it. It took me a second or two to realise what she had said, I said yes please. The wages were quite a bit less than I had at my last job but I didnt mind, I really fancied this job and they all seemed so informal and friendly.she said she would get a formal letter in the post and I could start 1st October.

Page 144

2008-10-29T06:00:00.000-07:00

It was about 7.00pm and still no baby. Tina the next door neighbour came round and asked me to go and have a coffeee rather than sit on my own, I wasnt keen as I hardly new her but it was a nice gesture and if Lel had the baby I would be there for the phone call.

They were Italian from Sicely I believe. Before long several visitors had arrived, family members, I think. They all proceeded to talk in Italian which left me at a bit of a loss. It went on like this for about an hour and I felt like a bit of a gooseberry and why do they shout all the time. I thanked Tina for the coffee and said I was going to do some ironing for Lesley. Actually I thought it a bit rude to all speak in italian when they invited me round.

I did the ironing and watched the TV for a while then went to bed. At about 6.00am the doorbell rang and it was Tina`s husband he said Lesley had a little girl and they were both well. I was ecstatic and thanked him profusely and apologised for the early hour but he said he was up for work anyway. I couldnt wait to see Lel and the baby so I washed and dressed and off I went.

Lesley looked really tired, she had a pretty tough time, the baby was born at 5.30am and weighed 7lb 2ozs and she was absolutely beautiful, lots of hair and the cutest little face. I was the happiest person except for Lesley and Jim and couldnt wait to tell Steve. I stayed for a while and decided I was going home as Lesley would be in hospital for a few days. Steve and I could come and visit the hospital. I knew he would be dying to see the baby and he didnt drive yet.

Steve wasnt home when I got back so I went down town and bought a teddy and a pink dress and other bits and pieces, everything we had bought so far had been either lemon or white so I couldnt wait to buy something pink.

It was too late to drive to Milton Keynes and visit Lel so we said we would go the next day. Steve finished work at 1.30pm so we could be there in time for the afternoon visiting which I think was 2.00pm to 4.00pm.

Lel looked a lot better today and the baby looked so content lying in her crib. Steve was thrilled to see her, his first niece and my first grandchild. They had decided to call her Roxanne which we all thought was a really lovely name and it suited her.

Page 143

2008-10-28T05:08:00.000-07:00

It was really nice Dennis being in prison we didnt have to make sure the door was double locked, I could leave my handbag about the house not having to hide it. Not having to look for him down town , on a couple of occasions I had seen him in town and gone to the shops and warned him before hand not to steal anything. we would get out of the shop then he would show me something he had stolen and I had been watching him like a hawk.

I was loving not having to go to work and so was Allie . I went to Lesley`s a couple of times a week it was great. We bought loads of stuff for the baby as there was only a month or so to go. We went to John Lewis and ordered a beautiful cot and the sheets and bumper set and duvet. all sorts of things, it was such an exciting time, none of us could wait. I think Jim`s Mum and Dad bought them the pram, they had loads of things. This baby wouldnt want for anything.

It got to time the baby was due so I was going to stay overnight as Jim had to go to work early the next morning but he didnt get chance, around 1.00am Lesley started having pains so we decided to go to the hospital. Jim took Lel in their car and I went in mine as I would need to come home to see to the dog if it went on too long. I stayed several hours nothing much was happening so I went home and Jim was going to ring me when things started to happen.

Hours passed and I didnt hear from Jim in fact the phone didnt ring at all. I decided to ring Steve and let him know that Lel had gone into labour but the phone was dead. No wonder it hadnt rung, Lel could have had the baby. This was before the days of mobile phones. I got in the car and drove to the hospital, she hadnt had the baby it was a long labour. Jim had tried to ring. I stayed a while and Jim said he would ring Tina their next door neighbour if there was any news. When I got home I went and told Tina that the phone was out and said Jim was going to ring her if she didnt mind, which of course she didnt.

Page 142

2008-10-27T05:54:00.000-07:00

I went home and the first thing I did was to ring Lesley, she was as shocked as I was. I said I would go and see her the next day and we could have a chat. In one way it was good because I would be able to go with her to the hospital checks, also I would have the money to buy things for the baby. On the flip side, I was out of work and 49 years old, this did worry me a lot.

When Steve came home I told him, he couldnt believe it. I discussed it with him and decided I would not look for work straight away, as it was the end of June and Lesley`s baby was due in August, so after then I would seriously look for work. If something turned up in the mean time then obviously I would take it.

The only things I bought were new carpets for the lounge and dining room and a beautiful three piece suite which was an absolute bargain. I went to Mike`s sister Junes one day and a neighbour who lived a couple of doors away from June`s shop came in and was talking about selling her three piece suite which she had only had a couple of months as it was too big for her new flat she was moving to. I asked her what it was like and she said it was a Chesterfield type in a sage green dralon. She said since she had it, it had been covered in throws, so it was in perfect condition.

June asked if could see it and Toni said yes. So off we went, her flat was beautiful very classy the suite was amazing just what I would like to have. I asked her how much she was asking for it and was shocked at her reply, she said £300 I was shocked it was immaculate. Incidently she wasnt without money as she was a High Class Call Girl. Her morals were not my concern she came across as a really nice person. I said that I definitely wanted the suite and £300 was fine. I said the only problem was I would have to hire a van to get it to my house which might take a few days. I knew she was moving in two days time. She said that would be fine and June said if the worst came to the worst she would keep it at her place. She lived in Hammersmith, London and I lived in Hemel Hempstead.

Everything worked out well the carpets were being fitted the following day and and the day after that I had managed to hire a van to collect the furniture. I was so excited. Dennis was going to have my old suite which was better than the one he had.

I couldnt believe the difference, my lounge looked amazing, it was a really big room and the carpet and new suite fitted perfectly. Steve really liked the suite, it was so comfortable. Now I had to try and keep Allie from sitting on it or it wouldnt last five minutes.

I had a call from Dennis, he had been arrested for fraud and deception, they had finally caught up with him for getting prescriptions from different Doctors Surgeries, six in all. Also changing the quantities on some of the prescriptions. He also asked them to take into consideration a couple of shoplifting cases he had pending and a burglary.

He was bailed for two weeks which was unusual as previously he had always been remanded in custody. He said his solicitor asked the judge to bail him as he had a dog and wanted to make arrangements to have him taken care of. The Judge must have been an animal lover.

I picked Dennis up the next day and we went to Druglink to ask if they knew of anywhere that could take Ben. Dennis said his solicitor had said he could be looking at a sentence of 12 - 18 months, which meant he would serve approx. 6- 9months. They came up with a Charity based dogs home and made arrangements for Dennis and I to go and see them and take Ben with us.

We did this and as I have said before Dennis could charm the birds out of the trees and before long the lady we saw had fallen for his little boy lost look and it was all agreed they would keep him until he came out of prison.

He got a twelve month prison sentence so I took Ben to the kennels it was very sad leaving him. I said I would ring them regularly to see how he was and also keep them informed as to when Dennis would be out of prison. If the sentence had been longer than 12 months then he would have lost his flat but upto 12 months ther D.H.S.S paid the rent. I had the keys so I would keep an eye on it.

Page 141

2008-10-26T07:43:00.000-07:00

Dennis went from bad to worse, his flat was a mess. He had left a pan on his cooker and fallen asleep in one of his drug fuelled moments and the next he knew the fireman had laid him on the grass outside. Evedently there wasnt any flames just smoke.

I got a couple of telephone calls over time from hospitals asking me to pick him up, this was usually really late at night or during the night. He had been found by passers by completely out of it and been taken to the hospital by ambulance. Drugs again. On one occasion he woke up the following morning, had no recollection of the incident and asked me what the suction pads and wires were that were attached to his chest. I then realised he must have just walked out of the hospital. I did think it strange because he was waiting for me outside the entrance when I went to pick him up.

Since Lesley had been living in Milton Keynes I used go every saturday and we would go shopping the shops were amazing there. Jim would either be at work or watching sport on TV. They had got the house really nice now.

A couple of months had passed and Lesley rang me one evening and said she had something to tell me, my heart dropped, I wondered what was coming but it was the very best news I could have been told, she was pregnant, my first grandchild, I was over the moon, she said it was due in August 1988 I couldnt wait. Steve was thrilled to bits, he would be an Uncle.

Pregnancy suited Lesley she seemed to be taking it in her stride. We still went shopping on saturdays . I bought wool and started knitting things and we bought bits and bobs. Dennis used to go with me on saturdays to Lesley`s on condition he was drug free. He was also thrilled he would be a Great Uncle ,which was eventually shortened to Gunk.

I went to work as usual one monday morning in June and I hadnt been there long, when my boss said he needed a word with me, nothing unusual in that except he said we were going downstairs to another office, I started to get a bit concerned. I was shown in to this office and there was a lady I had never seen before , the Chief Accountant and my boss. He told me this lady was from somewhere called A.C.A.S as what he was about to tell me needed this lady to oversee it.

He said he was really sorry but I was being made redundant. I was shocked as I had so much work these days since Robert went. He went on and on saying if there had been another course of action he would have taken it. Like I believed it. I had worked there for 10 years it evidently didnt count for much. Then he said he was pleased to tell me that they had made a really good redundancy package for me . The lady from A.C.A.S confirmed this and said it was way above what they were contracted to pay. Because I had been such a good worker and this reflected that. I was in shock , the next thing my boss said was I would have to vacate the premises immediately. I knew from past experience this was how it worked in case you did something to the computer or saboutaged things. I could have reeked havoc, this was to avoid that happening.

My handbag and coat were brought to me and that was that . I got in my car and was out of work. Yes, I had a fair bit of money but I didnt have a job. It felt like my feet hadnt touched the floor.
Dennis only lived around the corner from where I worked so I went to him but surprise surprise he was out of his head so I went home.

Page 140

2008-10-25T06:21:00.000-07:00

Lesley and Jim`s wedding day arrived and the weather was atrocious, absolutely throwing it down with rain. The ceremony was at 10.00am so there was no time for it to clear up.

Steve and Dennis looked so smart in their suits and I had bought a really nice trouser suit in a fine cord, multi coloured . Mike had put white ribbon on his car. Lesley looked amazing. we got to the Registry Office and there were quite a few family and friends already there.
In no time it was all over and in spite of the rain we took photo`s in the grounds which incidently are really nice.

In no time we all looked like drowned rats as the rain had got worse. We all made our way to Berkhamsted for the buffet reception. They had put on a lovely spread. The alcohol was flowing nicely. So far Dennis was behaving himself but I felt on edge all the time and I really resented having to watch his every move.

We all had a really lovely time and Lesley and Jim were off to spend the night at a local hotel and the next morning were flying to Paris for a long weekend.

It worked out that they would have to stay at our house for a couple of days until they got the keys for their house in Bletchley and they had to get furniture before being able to move in. I went with them to collect the keys, which I believe would have been the 16th October the day after the severe wind that did such terrible damage.

This was the first time I had seen the house they had bought and I loved it. It was facing a huge playing field with no road, at the far side of the playing field was Bletchley Park where the Enigma Machine was.

The house was one of six and mid terrace. It had a really big kitchen/ diner and fair sized lounge. Two double and one single bedrooms. It was perfect. I bought them a dining suite for a wedding present which fitted in really well. It was a very exciting time.

Dennis was back on the drugs again, not heroin but I think the tablets he was taking Temazapan, were far worse. They were actually sleeping tablets that when used properly really were amazing but abused like Dennis did they were horrendous. They had the opposite effect. He couldnt stop talking and would shop lift, badly, usually get caught. He shambled about like a tramp. He would register at 3 or 4 different Doctors surgeries and get tablets from each of them. He had absolutely no idea what he was doing. On one occasion he left his dog Ben tied up outside a shop and completely forgot about him. Luckily he had a name tag and the police took him home after about 2 hours and Dennis was cautioned.

Page 139

2008-10-24T03:12:00.000-07:00

Steve hadnt felt well since coming back from his holiday, he had a problem with his ears. He went to the Doctors and was found to have a severe infection in both ears, he was almost stone deaf. He was off work as he felt so ill.

I was ringing him from work one day to see how he was, as when I left home he was still in bed. The phone rang and rang, I was getting worried so I dashed home to check on him. When I opened the door the sound of the TV was deafening....pardon the pun.... I couldnt hear myself think. I went in the front room and there was Steve sitting on the sofa watching TV. I turned the TV down and had to really shout for him to hear me, he hadnt a clue the phone had been ringing. Goodness knows what the neighbours were thinking. If they had wanted to complain he wouldnt have heard them at the door.

Hopefully when the anti- biotics kicked in his hearing would improve, it was a worrying time. The Doctor thought he had probably got the infection from diving in the sea. A few days later the pain was much better but he was still deaf. He had some Spanish money to convert back to sterling so I took him to the bank. At that time you had to go upstairs to the department that dealt with Foreign money.

He did the transaction with me trying to convey to him what the teller was saying, it was like a comic strip and I couldnt stop laughing , which annoyed Steve. We were walking down the stairs when this booming voice of Steve`s was asking me what the problem was. Until then it was so quiet in the bank and because he couldnt hear he didnt realise he was shouting really loud. I was trying to tell him he was shouting but he just couldnt hear me, he was getting so annoyed then the penny dropped and we both ended up laughing. Talk about embarrassment. We did see the funny side of it eventually. Poor Steve.

Lesley and Jim had set the date for their wedding for 10th October at 10.00am. There was loads to do. A wedding outfit for her was the first thing, Lesley and I went to West Kensington, London we looked in loads of shops and ended up going to a shop called Hyper Hyper and she saw this amazing black suit, she tried it on and it fit perfectly with her blonde har and some black stilleto shoes she would look perfect. Some people might think it odd getting married in black but that was my daughter.

The next thing was to make an appointment to get her hair cut for the wedding, she was going to Alan`s in Berkeley Square, who she had been going to from about 14 yrs old. His Salon was now called `Wish'.

Jim`s best man was going to be a workmate from the Fire Service. Things were coming together they had bought the rings and sent out invites. Her Dad had a nice big Rover car so he was going to take them to the Registry Office and then on to the reception. He had also lent Dennis a suit otherwise he would have turned up in jeans. He wasnt one for dressing up. I just hoped he could stay off the drugs for one day.

Lesley made a lovely cake and iced it, is there no end to her talents. A buffet was being provided by Jim`s sister.

They were in the process of buying a three bedroomed house in Bletchley, Milton Keynes which they were thrilled about and fingers crossed it should be there`s just before the wedding.

Page 138

2008-10-23T04:46:00.000-07:00

Dennis loved his flat and was thinking of getting a rescue dog for company, plus the fact he loved walking this would be ideal for them both. It would also give Dennis someone to be responsible for, hopefully.

Steve and I went with Dennis to the local Blue Cross, it is such a sad place , loads of dogs needing homes, it made you want to take them all. They brought out several dogs for Dennis to look at. Then they brought out this lovely black dog which looked as though he had a bit of Alsation in him, he was beautiful and made a beeline for Dennis. He was about 4 years old. This was the one for him, the dogs name was Ben and just wouldnt leave his side. They said they had to do some checks on Dennis and the dog had to have some injections so all being well we could pick him up in a weeks time.

Lesley and Jim were still going strong, I was getting the feeling that it was for real. I still had my reservations but kept them to myself.

This turned out to be a very uneventful year and before we knew it Christmas 1986 had come and gone. Steve was seriously considering going on a 18-30 holiday later in the year possibly to Spain and what surprised me even more was he was going on his own. This was something I could never have done. I was very proud of him for even contemplating it.

True to his word he booked the holiday, I believe sometime in July I would be really worried about him while he was away. Since Sheila`s accident I had been a real pain , if either Steve or Lesley didnt come home at the time they said, I would be at the window looking for them. They were good kids and if they were going to be late they would ring me. They put up with my paranoia.

Dennis had Ben for sometime now and they were real buddies, inseparable, they walked for miles . Ben got on really well with our Great Dane Allie which was handy as he often popped in on his travels.

Steve went on his holiday, it was the longest two weeks ever. He sent a postcard saying he was having an amazing time. It was around this time that Lesley and Jim told me they were getting married, it was going to be a Registry Office wedding, just for family and friends. Lesley wasnt one for all that pomp and circumstance. Jim`s sister had a wine bar in Berkhamsted and as a wedding present they could have the reception there. Lesley decided she was going to make her own cake, a bit ambitious I thought.

They were also hoping to buy a house in or around Milton Keynes, as property was a lot cheaper there. Work was not a problem for Jim now as he was no longer a fireman he had since become a British Transport Policeman .

Page 137

2008-10-22T04:35:00.000-07:00

The flat Dennis had been offered was really quite nice. The kitchen was a decent size and the lounge/diner was huge. It was also on intercom so that meant a degree of security was in place. It looked as though the housing association had just re decorated it .

I was off work the next day so I said if Dennis wanted I would go with him to Help and see what was available and he would also have to sort out benefits, work wasnt in his vocabulary. I met him the next morning and made our way to the Help office. I explained Dennis`s situation and they said they could probably furnish his flat for him as long as he didnt expect new stuff.

Dennis said as long as it was decent he would be happy. I was amazed some of the stuff was in really good condition. He got a cooker(electric), fridge, three piece suite really good condition and a bed also a chest of drawers and wardrobe. I told him I had got some curtains and bedding he could have , also some cooking utensils and mugs. In fact I found loads of things for him, he was really pleased. I said he could stay at our house until he was able to move in to his flat ,which should only be a few days. He would have to sleep on the sofa.

That night Steve and Lesley were out. Dennis and I had been watching TV. I got up to take the dogs in the garden I called Candy but she didnt come to me so I went to look for her. She was in her bed under the dining room table and I couldnt understand why she didnt get up. I bent down and gave her a prod but she didnt move. I called Dennis and he looked and we realised she had died in her sleep, she was 13 years old. I was so upset but at the same time realised if you had to go that was the way, just go in your sleep.Steve and Lesley would be very upset. We had had her from when she was 8 weeks old, a long time and we loved her very much, she was part of the family.

The items were all delivered over the next week and Dennis was able to move in. I made him ask for his rent to be paid direct to Circle33 from the benefits office. This way he wouldnt be able to spend the rent then get evicted.

Page 136

2008-10-21T05:54:00.000-07:00

We were now able to close Sheila`s bank account. Her life insurance had now been paid out. Inland Revenue informed, in fact we had done everything. The only thing outstanding was a request by her car insurance people for the whereabouts of her car. Indeed this was something we all would like to know. They had also checked with the police and the garage that towed it away but everyone pleaded innocence.

Time passed we were slowly coming to terms with the loss of Sheila. Lesley`s relationship with Jim seemed to be serious. Finally Ian had sold the house and Lesley received her share of the profits, much less than she should have had . Steve was getting a bit fed up with working at Sidal. It was quite dangerous working with the sheets of Aluminium and Stainless steel as he found out. Him and a workmate were moving a sheet of aluminium when it was dropped on to Steve`s foot, bearing in mind these sheets were 8` x 4` and weighed 1/4 of a tonne very heavy and sharp. He was rushed to hospital convinced his toes might be severed ,so much so he was scared to take his boot off..

He was finally seen by the Doctor and found that he had crushed several toes and his big toe looked like it had burst, he had to have 25 stitches in his big toe. They were xrayed and then dressed. He would be off work for a while. He was in a lot of pain.

The first anniversary of Sheila`s accident came round , it was the saddest time, we took some flowers to the crematorium and checked in the chapel and yes the book was open at 24th October 1985.

Christmas came and went nothing very much happened it was quite uneventful thank goodness.Around easter time Steve applied for a job at Kodak, in the warehouse and was successful. He was glad to get away from the aluminium and Stainless Steel, the accident had unnerved him.

Dennis had been thrown out of the house in Woodhall Farm for taking drugs and he was staying at various friends houses. I suggested he talk to the people at Druglink to see if they could help him with accomodation. They suggested he contact Circle 33 the housing association to try and get on the list. If he managed this ,then they would be able to help him get to the top of the list because he was homeless. Things were differant then to now. He asked me if I would go with him for moral support, which I did. I was so surprised the person we had to see was a really good friend of mine, from when I worked at Dept. of the Environment. She was now in charge of lettings for the association. This hopefully may help. Dennis filled in all the forms required and Pat said he would hear in due course. She said he was lucky because they had just purchased two more blocks of flats from the council and when that was finalised there would be quite a few flats up for grabs. We left and Pat and I arranged to meet for lunch the following week to catch up. Bearing in mind I hadnt seen her for about 10 years but we had been really good friends.

A month later Dennis rang me to say he had received a letter from Circle33 via Druglink offering him a first floor, one bedroom flat in Woodhall Farm. He said he would come round that evening as he would then have the keys and we could go and see what we thought about it. We would have to find him some furniture .There were a couple of charities one I believe called Help who specialised in providing secondhand furniture for free.

Page 135

2008-10-20T02:57:00.000-07:00

Lesley was having quite a bit of hassle with Ian over money. Who owed this and who owed that, she told him all she wanted was her share of the profit made on the house. The furniture and bits and pieces he could with what he wanted.

Dennis seemed to be getting on ok at the house in Woodhall Farm but I am sure it would only be a matter of time before he blotted his copybook. He came to see us quite often ,which was nice.

Lesley sometimes went with Steve to the local pub, The Marchmont Arms. It wasnt long before she started dating again. She had been with Ian since she was 17 yrs old so I am sure she found it a bit nerve wracking. She was also a regular at a boutique type shop called Zoo, she bought loads of very up to the minute clothes.

I was so proud of how she handled things with Ian and being single again. I think the first lad was Gary, I am not sure how long that lasted, a few weeks maybe. Then it was Joe, someone she had known for quite a few years, he had a Porche car and I must admit Lesley looked the part in her new clothes. The next one, I was horrified about because of the things I had heard about him , he was a fireman who ate bugs and flowers and thought of himself as Bill Sykes with his trusty dog Bullseye. Only his dog was a brown boxer, who would allegedly eat you for breakfast, when in fact he was a really nice dog. The lad was supposed to be a bit of a hard man biting noses in fights, all rubbish but that was what he projected. This is purely my opinion. In fact I think he was very insecure.

It wasnt long before she dropped seeing Joe and Jim seemed to be the one. I would just have to try and forget what I had heard and see for myself what he was like. I did know he was a very courteous person opening car doors for Lesley and was nothing but polite to me but I wasnt convinced, time would tell.

Steve came home from work and said he was feeling really ill. He looked awfull, I said he should take a couple of paracetemol as it looked as if he was full of cold. The next morning he was even worse and had quite a high temperature. I suggested I take him to the Doctors because I thought it was more than a cold. The Doctor took some blood and gave him anti-biotics and signed him off work for a week and told him to rest.

The next morning if anything he felt and looked worse. I left him some juice and water and said I would pop home at lunchtime to make him some thing to eat. At about 12.00noon I received a call from Dr. Williams saying she had been trying desperately to get hold of Steve but no one was answering the phone. She was very concerned and needed to see him because the blood test had showed he had glandular fever with the added complication of Hepatitis which untreated to seriously damage his liver. I told her I would go straight home and meet her there.

Steve looked so ill, he just had no energy. He said he hadnt heard the telephone. Dr Williams arrived and I took her to Steve. She told him about the glandular fever/Hepatitis and said it was really serious. She left a prescription for some more medication plus Diorlite as he was dehydrated and said she would be back to see him the next day and if he felt any worse to ring her.

Steve was in bed for about a week before he felt able to come downstairs. Dr Williams had told him he couldnt drink any alcohol for six months as it took this long for the liver to recover. This was a big shock to Steve as he loved his beer. The implications were so great that he had no choice.

I received a letter from the Coroners Office in Bedford stating the second part of the inquest was to be held at Bedford Court on 29th March 1985 to establish the cause of the accident and record a verdict. Although it was a terrible thing to have to go through we would be able to sort out Sheila`s bank and insurance. I had already paid the funeral directors. Because we hadnt as yet received a death certificate everything was held in abeyance.

The day of the court hearing came , it was dreadful we had to sit and listen to a couple of car drivers behind her who said nothing appeared to be amiss just that she suddenly veered to the right and into a lorry going in the opposite carriageway,the only thing at that time separating the carriageways was a strip of grass, no crash barriers. The driver of the lorry involved was so upset and kept saying there was nothing he could do to avoid the collision, as was previously stated she just crashed into the side of his lorry. Her car door had sprung open and the seat belt had snapped and she was thrown out of her car. an ambulanceman also gave evidence and said she was pronounced dead at the scene.

The cause of death was recorded as:

1a. Brain Stem Haemorrhage

b . Due to fracture of skull and fracture of upper cervical
Verte Brae

c. Due to Trauma

Verdict "Accidental"

They could not be certain the accident was caused by mechanical failure or human error. Both offside tyres were deflated but they had been unable to prove whether this was done prior to impact or during , the reason being the car had been to towed to a local garage and then disappeared. So no safety checks could be done. We will never know what happened just that it did and we lost someone that meant so much to us and is forever in our thoughts.

This particular dual carriageway at the Black Cat Roundabout, I understand has now been revamped and although it is renowned for accidents crash barriers have been installed and hopefully will help to stop any more fatalities.

Page 134

2008-10-19T02:24:00.000-07:00

We did manage to get home in one piece but a lot didnt. The dogs loved the snow, they were running around, their noses to the ground, it was so funny to watch. We had dinner and watched a bit of TV and chatted then Lesley went to bed and I took the dogs in the garden. On the way down stairs I noticed a pile of snow on the landing, which I thought was strange as it was all covered in but didnt take much notice.

The dogs had another run around in the snow and we went back upstairs. I got to the landing and couldnt believe my eyes, the pile of snow I had seen when I went down was a face but not any face, it was the face of Sheila. The other odd thing was the dogs actually walked around it. I called for Steve to come and look and he couldnt believe what he saw. He immediately went and got his camera and took some photo`s of it. We were both shaking. we had a photograph taken by my ex husband of Sheila and this image on the floor looked just like that.

Bearing in mind this walkway to the maisonettes was completely covered in and Steve and I couldnt work out how the snow had got there, plus the fact you would think it would have melted. We decided to go to bed and see if was still there in the morning.

The next morning the picture in the snow was still there as fresh as if it had just appeared. I took the dogs to the garden and was shocked to see them looking at it apprehensivly and again walking around it. It was in the middle, you would have thought the dogs would have walked straight through it. There would be the milkman and possibly the postman coming to our door. I couldnt wait to get home tonight, although I was convinced it would have been trod on by someone. Also the weather was a little warmer and the snow outside was turning to slush. Steve took the film to be developed it would take a couple of days to be developed. We couldnt wait.

Steve was first home and rang me at work he said the picture in the snow was still just as it had been when I first saw it . Again he said the dogs skirted around it. It was really scary, the snow had now gone from outside but this bit amazingly, was still there. It stayed there for several days and then disappeared with out a trace. We were all unnerved and were convinced it was something to do with Sheila.

I finally got round to arranging something as a memorial to Sheila from The Moat House collection. Garston Crematorium had sent me a brochure of all the things you could do. We had about £200 and for that we could have a huge yew tree set in amazing grounds. A plaque with Sheila`s name and birth and death date would be put on it and for 10 years it would be ours and we could renew it every 10 years. We also with the remainder of the money had an inscription put in a beautiful bound book within a glass case which on the anniversary of her death would be opened at that page. Also we contributed to planting bulbs in the grounds. As of now 24 years later we still have the tree and book entries and contribute each year towards new plants.

I sent a letter and the receipts to The Moat House telling them what we had done and they were thrilled. I think because it had taken me so long, I just couldnt seem to settle my mind to do it. Maybe they were getting a little concerned. I sent them a map of the grounds pinpointing where the memorial was so they could visit.

Page 133

2008-10-18T05:00:00.000-07:00

About a week later Dennis had a phone call from the house and they told him the residents all agreed he should be taken on, therefore he could move in next week. One thing I didnt mention was if by chance he kept out of trouble, there was a strong possibility he would be given a flat. There was an arrangement between them and the charity housing association called Circle 33.

I decided I was going to get a new bed for Lesley and decorate the room. I bought the paint etc... and waited for Dennis to leave then we could get stuck in. Lesley and Steve could do it as I was useless at decorating.

The New Year appraisals were starting at work , this meant we all had to have interviews with the office Manager who would tell us what our new salary would be and also how much bonus we would get.

We were called in alphabetically my surname beginning with P meant I was next to last. He went through the usual, timekeeping and sickness, I was never late and had little sickness time off so that was ok. The next thing he said shocked me to the core, he said my work hadnt been as good at it had always been before and could I give him an explanation as to why this had happened. I just said, ` it may have something to do with the fact that my daughter had been killed in a car accident a couple of months ago`. I then got up and walked out of the office. I was shocked , I knew that although it had been the most horrendous thing to happen to us, to him it meant nothing . You would have thought he could appreciate how it affects your day to day functioning. He had a couple of children of his own.

Later in the day he came over to me and tried to apologise but I couldnt speak to him and walked away. A few days later I received a letter from the General Manager saying how he regretted the callous way I had been treated and would I accept their deepest apologies.

Dennis left and the room was decorated and a new bed installed and Lesley moved in. It was so nice having her there. Ian would now have to sell the house in Boxmoor there would be loads to sort out.

We got up the next morning and it had been snowing over night and it was quite deep. I decided to drive Lel and I in to work which would be fun, as we lived at the top of a hill. It was really dangerous as cars coming up the hill were getting stuck and us going down were sliding sideways and it was only luck that we missed the cars that were stuck ,some broadside, but we made it if a little late. I hoped it had gone by time to go home or we would have trouble getting up the hill.

Page 132

2008-10-17T05:23:00.000-07:00

Dennis had been back to his old ways, since Sheila`s accident ,he had as far as I hadbeen aware not touched any drugs. It was the end of January I had just got back from Belgium and I could tell there was an atmosphere between him and Steve. Evidently he had on several occasions come back to our house as high as a kite. When he was like that it completely changed him both in the way he looked, he shambled about, he looked dirty and unkempt and would strongly deny having taken any drugs.

He had taken the dogs for a walk as he knew he was going to get both barrels. We had a difficult time as it was without extra pressures from him. Of course when challenged he was full of apologies and it was never going to happen again, he had just made a mistake. He apologised to Steve but we all knew, give him a week or so and it would all happen again. We had been there, done that and got the T Shirt.

I had seen an article in the local paper about a drug centre being set up it was called Druglink A house had been converted into a drop- in centre complete with counsellers and ex drug addicts as volunteers. I was very interested in finding out more and maybe try and get Dennis to see them.

Only a couple of weeks had gone by and Dennis was worse than ever , I was really finding it difficult to handle. I rang Druglink and was put through to the guy who ran the place and proceeded to tell him about Dennis and his drug problem and before long I was telling him about Sheila and the tears came and I could not stop them . I felt such a fool but I was at the end of my tether. He said for me to try and get Dennis to ring him and they would see if they could help him.

Dennis did ring them, in one of his lucid moments and arranged to go and see them informally the next day for a chat. I dropped him off and waited for him. About 20 minutes later he came out and said they had asked if I would like to go and meet them too ,as families were just as much in need of help as the addict . I went and had a cup of coffee and a friendly chat about their aims and hopes of making a difference. It sounded very exciting. Dennis was getting on with them and they him. This was usual until he did something that would alienate them. I hoped these people werent as gullible as others had been.

Time passed Dennis was still taking drugs and still going to Druglink but this was because he had got very friendly with a couple of the ex addicts

I arranged to meet Lesley one saturday down the town , as we did occasionally and we were walking along when she asked me if she could come back home to live, I said of course she could she didnt have to ask it was her home. She said she was leaving Ian and to this day I dont know why, I assumed they had outgrown each other as he was very immature. I said I would need a little time as I would have to ask Dennis to find somewhere to live. I said leave it with me and I would start the ball rolling. Dennis was driving us mad and I would love him to find somewhere else to live.

I was a little sad about their relationship ending but really pleased to be having her home with Steve and I. Steve was shocked also, we hadnt seen it coming at all.
I told Dennis when I got home and give him his due he did understand the situation. I said I would ring Druglink to see if they could help. They told us about a house in Woodhall Farm that had been converted into rooms for people with either drug or alcohol problems. It was run by a Christian Based Charity and they had agreed to see Dennis. Druglink had recommended him and told them about the recent events in our lives.

Dennis had the initial interview and he said it went very well, he could charm the monkeys out of the trees. He had assured them that he was drug free, which was a bare faced lie. He had to go for another interview with the residents of the house, evidently it was up to them whether he would be accepted or not. He was told he would hear in a couple of days. Fingers Crossed

Page 131

2008-10-16T02:44:00.000-07:00

Finally everyone went home. It had been a very upsetting day. We were all shattered and needed some quiet time. I realised I had no idea who had sent flowers , maybe we should have taken the cards so that I could have thanked everyone, because there were so many. I just hoped they would understand and forgive me for not acknowledging them.

Usually the funeral was the final thing , it should help you to start rebuilding your lives but we still had the inquest to come, we had no idea how long that would be. Evidently witnessess would appear and they would try to find the cause of the accident which at this moment in time seemed to be baffling everybody.

A couple of days later I received a letter from Sheila`s insurance company saying they had not been able to find the whereabouts of the car. The garage that towed it away denied having it and also the police. They also wanted the M.O.T and a copy of her driving licence. They were full of apologies for intruding at this time but I appreciated it had to be done. I sent the driving licence etc.. but had no idea what had happened to the car, that was not my responsibility.

There were still loads to do like sorting out her bank account and life insurance. Thank goodness she was such a methodical girl, all her bits and pieces were in a metal box. I then realised there was nothing I could do yet as we wouldnt get a death certificate until after the inquest had been completed.

Lesley and Steve went back to work but I just couldnt seem to pull myself together. My main boss Graham had said when he came to see us , to take as long as we needed. My immediate manager Simon, kept ringing me asking when I would be back. I kept telling him I didnt feel ready and would be back as soon as I felt able. This didnt stop him pestering , so after three weeks off I felt I had no choice but to return to work.

When I got in work I realised why Simon had wanted me back so urgently my desk was strewn with work. I didnt know where to start. The first thing I did was to ring Belgium to speak to the man in charge of things there. First of all he offered his condolences and said he hadnt expected me back yet but was glad I was because they were in meltdown, evidently Simon had said I was the only one who knew that side of things. You would have thought the sales office manager would have made himself aware of such a vital part of the business.

On my desk was several letters addressed to me which by rights should have been sent on to me but no. They were letters from the branch managers who knew Sheila . They were amazing letters saying how unbelievable it was and if there was anything they could do then just to ask, even just to chat. I got stuck in to the work and had just about cleared the back log by time to go home.

I felt drained, as well as the work load I also had to cope with whoever I spoke to sympathising with our loss of Sheila. This I found really hard to handle. I am the type of person that if you feel sorry for me I cant cope with it and the tears start. The best thing for me is to not mention it but of course this is totally selfish. People feel awkward around you and I understand how difficult it is.

It was now December 1984 soon to be Christmas which we normally loved but this year someone would be missing, so we would have rather forgotten about it. Also I had been told at work that in January I would be going with a few managers to Belgium again. I said I didnt think I could handle it but they said they thought it might help me , also that yet another new system was being implemented and I needed to be involved. So I said ok but I didnt want to go.

Page 130

2008-10-15T04:54:00.000-07:00

Patsy and her Mum and Dad came at about 6.00pm they had brought the remainder of the money collected at work for Sheila after buying flowers. It was a grand total of £200 this was unbelievable after Sheila only being there a short time but just proved what an impact she had.
I told Patsy that I would make equiries after the funeral as to what was available as a memorial and would ring her.

There was what I thought was a knock on the front door but there was no one there, just a letter on the floor addressed to me. I opened it and saw it was from Dennis`s ex wife Linda. It said she would not be at the funeral tomorrow as she felt really left out and that we hadnt told her any details about the times etc. and as we had made it perfectly clear she wasnt part of the family. I was gobsmacked, she had actually been at our house when Steve and Dennis came back from arranging the funeral. Also she had helped me choose the wreaths and flowers including posies from Craig and Simon. The last thing in the letter was ` I wont see you again` goodbye Linda. I was totally puzzled, she knew as much as we did.

I showed Dennis and Steve they were shocked too. Someone had delivered it by hand. Patsy said she must have wanted to upset me and she was right but all it did was make me angry. What a selfish person she was.
Patsy and her Mum and Dad said that they would be at the funeral tomorrow and would meet us at the crematorium. June, Mike`s sister was coming in the morning and Erin. We had a cup of tea and chatted for a while. I am glad they came or we would have just sat around dreading the morning coming. At least it took our minds off it for a while. They left at about 9.00pm

I am glad they came it took the pressure out of the night before the dreaded day.

The morning came all too soon, we tidied up a bit, as we had no idea if anyone would be coming back to the house. I was not laying on any food, I didnt agree with this, I had loads of biscuits and tea and coffee. We were all a bundle of nerves. June and Erin arrived together they had somehow met up at the station. The hearse was due to arrive at 11.00am. We were all ready.

The hearse arrived, I couldnt believe my beautiful daughter was in it. It was laden in flowers and wreaths I just couldnt believe this was happening. There was quite a few people standing around paying their respects but I couldnt take my eyes off the coffin. I dont remember getting in the car or who was in with me. In fact I dont remember anything about the funeral, it was as if I had blanked it out. The next thing I remember is arriving home. Quite a few came back to our house and I started making tea and coffee for everyone , it was as if I was on auto pilot.

I found it very difficult making conversation . I had nothing to say. I just wanted to be with my family, very selfish I know but it was how I felt and I think Steve,Lesley and Dennis felt the same.

Page 129

2008-10-14T02:53:00.000-07:00

I had been on the telephone all afternoon informing everyone of the funeral details. It was causing quite a few problems being such short notice. Mikes sister June was coming and Erin and Linda and the children, her choice to bring the kids, I personally thought they were to young, other than them I had no idea who would turn up.

Steve, Dennis and I were all sat in the lounge each locked in our thoughts. How were we going to cope on the day, what to wear, would any one turn up. How would we ever come to terms with this momentous loss.

I couldnt stand it any longer and went to have a bath to try and get these thoughts out of my head. I didnt think I had been in the bath that long, when this lovely smell wafted up the stairs, bacon frying, it was the first time I had felt hungry. Then Dennis knocked on the bathroom door saying he was cooking bacon and egg, did I want some. I said I did and that I would be down in a few minutes.

Dennis had gone to the local shop looking for something to tempt us to eat and bought the bacon and eggs. The smell had got to us all and this was the first decent meal we had had since the accident. I must say it tasted good. For some strange reason I felt guilty for enjoying it, as if we had no right to enjoy anything. Later Steve and Dennis said similar things, they felt it too.

We watched the TV for a while then I went to bed and left Steve and Dennis chatting. The sleeping tablets the doctor had given me were amazing, ten minutes after swallowing it I was asleep until morning.

Once again the smell of bacon cooking was beckoning me downstairs and there was Dennis making breakfast, Steve came down behind me. Dennis was an amazing person when he was drug free but totally different under the influence, he was a real Jeckyll and Hyde. He was the nicest,most thoughtful, polite man. No wonder we always forgave him for whatever he did to us. He had been more like a Dad to my children than their own Dad and they thought the world of him.

It was wednesday, a week since the accident and tomorrow was the dreaded day of the funeral. I checked with the florist to see if everything would be done, as we were so late placing our order, they assured me it was all in hand and for me not to worry. Which I thought was nice of them.

I decided today I was going to tidy Sheila`s room and pack her clothes in a couple of suitcases, I didnt want to but Dennis really needed a good nights sleep in a bed. It was the hardest thing I had ever done, with tears streaming down my face I forced myself to continue. Everything I came across evoked a memory. My poor poor Sheila, she had so much to live for.

Page 128

2008-10-13T03:14:00.000-07:00

Usually whenever Dennis entered our house it wouldnt be long before it was filled with laughter but this was so different, we were all so down and heartbroken. I told Dennis that we could now arrange Sheila`s funeral and bless him he said if I wanted he and Steve would arrange it. Steve said he would like that too. They said they would go to the funeral directors on monday. I said that I would order the wreaths and flowers when we had the details. I wanted the hearse to be absolutely covered in flowers. We all ended up with tears streaming down our faces. This was just too difficult.

I asked if anyone wanted food and they said no, just a drink. I also asked Dennis where he was going to sleep tonight, he said he would sleep on the sofa. He said it wouldnt feel right to sleep in Sheila`s room. I was pleased because I didnt want the room disturbed, I knew I would have to do it but it could wait until after the funeral.

Patsy from The Moat House came with her Mum and Dad, who incidently Steve and I knew he worked in the warehouse with Steve. Patsy said they had made a collection at the hotel amongst the staff and also the customers. They couldnt believe how much they had got , they knew Sheila was very popular but had been overwhelmed by the outcome of the collection. Patsy said they didnt want to spend the money on just flowers so they suggested we might like to get a memorial plaque or something similar. I thought that was an excellent idea and something we most certainly would do. What a lovely thing for them to do, she hadnt been there very long. Once more the tears came, there wasnt a dry eye in the house.

I told them we were going to arrange the funeral on monday and after that we would see what memorial things were available and let them know. They were still collecting so after the funeral Patsy would bring the money left over from them buying flowers and together we could decide what to arrange.

Monday morning and Steve and Dennis were up nice and early both nervous about going to the funeral directors. I said for them to make sure everything was just right and not to think about money as Sheila had a life insurance policy, as did Steve. I didnt envy their job.

I was just thinking about doing some housework when there was a knock at the door. It was Linda, Dennis`s ex wife, I had forgotten she was coming today. We had a cup of tea and talked about Sheila, I told her Dennis and Steve had gone to arrange the funeral. I asked her if she would help me sort out the flowers and wreaths, she said she would.

I rang The Flower Box in the Old High Street and asked how we went about ordering the wreaths and flowers and she said if we wanted they would drop off the brochures at our house and collect them after we had decided. I said that would be perfect and she said she would be here in about 15 minutes. I was really pleased about this.

Linda helped me with the housework, it hadnt been touched for ages. You could have sand danced in the dust, slight exaggeration. She said Craig and Simon were really upset about Sheila, she had a soft spot for Simon I dont know why him more than Craig because Craig was Dennis`s son but Simon had a different Dad.

Dennis and Steve arrived just as we had sat down for yet another cup of tea. They looked drained and said it had been a really hard thing to do. They said the girl they dealt with was really helpful and took them through everything step by step. The funeral was going to be on thursday 1st November, only four days away. This was such short notice I didnt think anybody from Yorkshire would make it, but you never know. Dennis said he hadnt thought about that. We would have to start ringing everybody today.

Linda didnt stay long after they came home , I thanked her for her help and off she went. She had picked out the flowers she wanted including a posy each from the children. I rang the florist and explained that the funeral was on thursday would they still be able to get them in time if I returned the order the next day tuesday. She said yes but she must have the order by at the latest 11.00am.

Page 127

2008-10-12T01:18:00.000-07:00

I was just so tired I struggled to keep my eyes open but as soon as I went to bed I was wide awake and sleep just wouldnt come. I decided to ring Dr. Williams to see if she could prescribe something. I did ring her and she had heard about Sheila , so I didnt have to say too much. She said she would leave me a prescription for some mild sleeping tablets to see if they would help. I had told her I didnt want to be walking around like a zombie, I would rather manage with- out.

Saturday came and I realised the sleeping tablets had worked , I didnt remember going to bed . Once more the phone was on overtime. Every time it rang I hoped it would be Dennis but no. I decided to tidy Sheila`s room a little as I somehow felt close to her in there. I tried but I found it too much.

One call I received was from the coroners office saying an inquest had been opened on the 26th October and adjourned to a later date , after all the forensics had been completed on the car and accident site. This call was to tell me that we could now arrange the funeral .

I could hear Steve in the bathroom so I went and put the kettle on to make tea, yet more tea. Then we could discuss funeral arrangements, something I didnt think I could face yet.Another day loomed ahead for us , it seemed as though we were waiting for things all the time, it was impossible to relax. my head was full of thoughts and what ifs, if I had done this if I had done that could I have changed the outcome. If I had gone with them could I have perhaps altered the outcome. Why didnt I take him myself. Sheila hadnt had the car very long ,was there something wrong with the car? was it a mechanical failure , was it human error, so many questions . it was impossible to stop these thoughts. I just couldnt come to terms with not ever seeing or speaking to her again.

The phone rang at about 2.00pm I answered it and it was my brother Dennis, at last. He said "hi She, did Sheila get home ok " my legs buckled under me and I sobbed , I couldnt speak I could hear him saying "whats wrong, whats wrong" I was finally able to speak and didnt know how to tell him. I hated having to tell him over the phone but I had no choice. I said Sheila had an accident on the way home and .......I couldnt say it......he said "She for gods sake tell me how she is". I blurted out she is dead. The silence was deafening. I was shouting down the phone Den, Den , but the line had gone dead. There was no 1471 then. I hoped that when he had got over the initial shock he would ring back.

Time passed and Dennis hadnt rung back, I really hoped he hadnt resorted to drugging himself up. we really needed him, Steve said he didnt think he would. There was a knock at the door at about 6.00pm , Steve answered it but I couldnt hear him speaking to anyone, so I went to see who it was and there stood Dennis, we both hugged and sobbed, not a word had been spoken.

Once again the kettle was put on for more tea , the panacea for all ills. Steve and I told Dennis as much as we knew and he was racked with guilt, he said if only he had gone by train this would never have happened, you could say if none of us had been born. He was still reeling from our telephone conversation . I apologised but said I didnt know how else to say it.

Page 126

2008-10-11T01:24:00.000-07:00

Friday came and the postman brought loads of cards of condolence, also a postcard from Erin when she was in Scotland with her Mum, for some strange reason it had taken a week to get here. It was very sad. This decided Steve to go and try to find her new flat and tell her the sad news, I hoped she would come to the funeral but I would understand if she decided against it. Steve promised to ring me when he could.

I was so tired I hadnt slept properly since this happened, all I had done was drink tea and eat the odd biscuit. I just had no appetite. I really wanted Dennis to ring, I couldnt bear the thought that he wasnt aware of what had happened.

I thought I would pass the time doing some housework but my heart wasnt in it. I went and sat in Sheila`s room, it was the usual tip, I would have given anything for her to be lying in bed and me trying to get her up for work. I couldnt count the number of times she had fallen asleep in the bath , just about everyday and I would be hammering on the door trying to wake her.

The telephone didnt stop ringing a lot of my relatives in Yorkshire were asking when the funeral was, I told them I had no idea, the powers that be said they would let me know as soon as all the medical examinations were complete. I said I would ring as soon as I heard.

The local newspaper had rung and asked if they could come and have a chat with us but I said we werent up to it yet, maybe after the funeral. I had to get out of the house so I decided to take Allie for a walk in the woods to get away from the phone, also the poor dogs had been sadly neglected and needed some exercise, as did I. I was back after about 10 minutes, I needed to be at home ,I dont know why but I had this feeling that I needed the security of home.

Steve rang me that evening he had found Erin and she was very upset, she just couldnt believe it. He said he was on his way home. Lesley and Ian came that evening, I told them I still hadnt heard from Dennis. I had found a couple of telephone numbers from way back but they were unobtainable.

Page 125

2008-10-10T04:51:00.000-07:00

Steve was really suffering, she was his twin and I cant imagine what he was feeling. We were saying we would have to somehow get in touch with Erin, Sheila`s friend. We didnt have a telephone number only an address somewhere in Chelsea, London. Steve said maybe he would go and try and find her tomorrow, if I would be ok with it. I knew it would help him, getting out of the house.

I was very worried about Dennis being unaware of what had happened to Sheila, in one way I couldnt wait for him to ring and another I didnt know how I would tell him over the phone. I rang my cousin Anne who was also my friend, she was devastated and said she would tell all our other relatives. Sheila and I actually went to visit Anne and my Aunt Dot & Uncle John last Easter. I said I would ring Anne when I had some details about the funeral.

There was going to be an inquest so I had no idea when we could have the funeral, something I dreaded. The phone didnt stop ringing with people offering their condolences, it was so hard. I just wanted to curl up in a ball.

Mine and Steve`s boss came as he said at 11.00am. He was so nice but it only upset us more. He said to stay off work as long as we needed to. He also said the lads at work and the branch managers who knew Sheila sent their condolensces as they knew her from The Moat House. He wanted us to let him know the funeral details as they wanted to send flowers. It was very awkward and he didnt stay long but very nice of him to come.

Linda ,Dennis`s ex wife rang and said she would like to come over with Craig and Simon her children but I said I didnt think we could cope with the children at the moment, she wasnt very pleased but It was only yesterday this tragic accident happened. we needed time to ourselves. She said she would come on monday and I left it at that. If I hadnt been waiting for Dennis to ring I would have unplugged the phone just for some peace. I know everyone meant well.

A policemen came that afternoon for a few more details and was able to tell us what had actually happened. Evidently Sheila had just come off The Black Cat roundabout near Bedford when she somehow crossed the grass strip that seperated the dual carriageway and hit a lorry going the other way. Her door came open and she was thrown out of her car.. He said the car was being checked and witness spoken to and we would hopefully all know more at the inquest. When that would be he had no idea but gathering evidence takes time.

Page 124

2008-10-09T00:59:00.000-07:00

Steve and Lesley arrived and Ian , Lesley`s boyfriend . Steve, Lesley and I hugged each other, we couldnt speak , I kept thinking I will wake up in a minute and it will all have been a bad dream. The police were still there and spoke to Steve and Lel . In the meantime, as I found out later Ian had gone to tell Mike, Sheila`s Dad.

The police went and we were able to let the dogs out of the lounge at last. I hugged Allie she was my link with Sheila. The dog knew something was wrong and wouldnt leave my side. Mike came and came over to me but I pushed him away, I couldnt stand him near me. He had never been a proper father to her or any of the kids and now he was upset, I may be being harsh but in my grief thats how I felt, I didnt want him there but I knew he had every right.

Steve said we had to go to Bedford Hospital to formally identify Sheila and other things to be seen to. Ian was going to drive us there. Nothing seemed to sink in , I felt disassociated from everything that was going on. In the meantime we had a telephone call from the Moat House asking where Sheila was, as she should have been at work at 6.00pm. I dont know who took the call but they then had to explain . Patsy the hotel manager was shocked and said she would ring back later.

I dont remember the journey to the hospital I dont think any of us did. I didnt think I could handle the formal identifcation. As of yet we had no idea how the accident happened or who else was involved, if anybody.

We finally arrived and were shown to a room and they asked who was going to identify her and immediately Mike said he would and I felt relieved and guilty at the same time. I felt I should have gone but I was frozen to the spot. I felt that if I went and saw Sheila then it would be to final and I still didnt believe what had happened . Mike came out white as a sheet and nodded, the flood gates opened until now against all odds it might not have been her. Mike said she just looked asleep she just had a bruise on her forehead. I dont remember who went to see the doctor but they were told the cause of death was Brain Stem Haemorrhage, Fracture of the skull and Fracture of upper Cervical Vertebrae they said death was instantaneous. You cant imagine the guilt I felt, I should have been with her, she shouldnt have died on the roadside on her own , she was my daughter and I should have protected her. I shouldnt have let her go.

I had lost my Dad last year and my Mum in 1975 and I was heartbroken then but nothing compared to losing my child, I felt a part of me had died with her and I really didnt think I could recover from this. You expect your children to outlive you not like this.

We went home I was given Sheila`s handbag and the jewellery she had been wearing it was all so very very heartrending. I suddenly realised that my brother Dennis had no idea what had happened and we had no way of contacting him, we would have to wait for him to ring us.

Thank goodness Ian dropped Mike off at his flat, I know it sounds callous but I really didnt want him around and Lesley and Stephen felt the same. It all seemed so false. I made us all a cup of tea, no one wanted food. we were all in a state of limbo. Lesley and Ian reluctantly went home it was about 11.00pm. Steve and I then went to bed. I just couldnt sleep so got up and made yet another cup of tea. There were so many things going round my head, we still didnt know what had caused the accident only that no other vehicle was involved, which made it very disturbing.

Morning came I took the dogs in the garden and when I came back Steve was up, he hadnt been able to sleep either. Lesley was going to ring work and tell them what had happened and that Steve and I wouldnt be in. Lesley rang me and said my boss Graham was going to come round to our house at about 11.00am. I didnt want to see anyone only family.

Page 123

2008-10-08T00:44:00.001-07:00

Sheila loved the job and got on really well with the staff and customers. The Moat House was also the hotel used by the company I worked at. If there were meetings for our branch managers and staff this would be the hotel they stayed at and held meetings. Also any staff social events were also held there.

One day the lads had been on a golfing day, as was usual in the sales office as incentives and after, they had a meal at the Moat House and then stayed drinking. They were saying what a good night they had, evidently the barmaid was a real laugh and made their night. I asked one of the lads what her name was and they said Sheila, I said she was the bar manager and she was also my daughter. It was a good job they were saying nice things about her. They became regulars there.

She was earning good money now and decided to buy another car as her current one was a bit of a heap. She had set her heart on a Ford Cortina. There was one in the local paper at around £500 just mot`d so she rang them and arranged for us to go and look at it. We did and it was in good condition and the engine sounded nice. We asked if we could test drive it and they said yes. The husband sat in the back and I drove, Sheila felt a little nervous. it drove really nice, the steering felt really positive the only thing I didnt like was the colour, it was yellow but Sheila liked it. Needless to say she bought it, we had to wait for the cheque to clear then we went to collect it.

Mike my ex husband came over to have a look at it and gave it the all clear and said it seemed to be a nice tidy car. Sheila soon got used to it and was here there and everywhere.

She received a letter from Dennis saying his release date was 23rd October, 3 weeks away she had previously arranged to pick him up from the prison. He had decided to go the next day 24th to stay with friends in Newark, Notts as we didnt have any room for him at our house. I worried about this because as far as I knew his friends were all junkies , so it would only be a matter of time before he was back on the drugs. He said he was looking forward to seeing her new car.

By the time Steve and I got home from work Dennis and Allie were great mates. Sheila and Dennis had taken both dogs out for a long walk, to Dennis this was amazing after being cooped up in prison for the last year and a bit. He loved Sheila`s car and between them they had decided that Sheila was going to take him to Newark the next day and Steve was deciding whether to take the day off and go with them. He hated taking time off unautherised. Sheila didnt have to be at work until 6.00pm so she had loads of time.

I cooked a really nice dinner for Dennis`s homecoming, I felt a bit guilty about not letting him stay with us but it would have meant he had to sleep on the sofa and this was just not practical. He understood , I think.

We talked for hours trying to cover all that had happened in the last year or so, to us and him. I begged him not to get involved with drugs again and he promised that he wouldnt. I went to bed they stayed chatting away. Steve had decided not to go to Newark.

The next morning Dennis was already up and dressed, as he had slept on the sofa and I could hear Sheila in the bathroom. I had got up extra early to make them breakfast before their journey. Just before I left for work I again asked Dennis to stay off the drugs. Sheila was laid on the floor in front of the fire with Allie at her side. I said have a good journey and stay safe and I would see her later and to ring me when she got home. They were going to leave at about 08.30am.

My lunchhour was at 1.00pm-2.00pm and I was surprised not to have heard from Sheila, this was in the days before mobile phones, so I could understand she may have difficulty finding a public telephone. I rang home, initially at about 1.00pm but no reply, then about every ten minutes after that , nothing. Then I thought maybe my home phone wasnt ringing so I got in the car and drove home hoping to see her yellow car parked outside the house but no it wasnt, by now I was sure something was wrong, I had this terrible feeling, I couldnt get it out of my mind, I drove back to work and rang again , still no answer. I spoke to a workmate Ross and she said maybe she had broken down but I said if she had she would have somehow got a message to me.

It got to 3.00pm still nothing, by now I knew something was really wrong I cant explain this feeling I had , it was a sort of emptyness, a feeling that something really terrible had happened. Ross said maybe she had decided to stay over with Dennis but I knew this was out of the question, even if she had , she would have rung me. I dont know how I got through the afternoon I was a nervous wreck and these horrible feelings were intensifying .

At last 5.00pm came and I went home hoping and praying that Sheila`s car would be parked outside but it wasnt. As I was going up the stairs Rene, the next door neighbour said a policeman and woman had been knocking on my door this afternoon and she had told them I was at work but she didnt know where I worked. My heart dropped, I was now sure my feelings were real. I couldnt stop shaking I wondered where Steve, was then realised it was wednesday and he would be at Lesley`s.

I wanted to ring the police station but I was too scared, I didnt want to hear what they had to say but I knew I had to. With such a feeling that the next few minutes could change my life forever I rang them. I explained that the police, according to my neighbour had been to my door and that I had just come home from work. I didnt mention anything about Sheila. I gave them my name and he came back on the line and said someone would be with me in the next ten minutes. I begged him to tell me what it was about but he wouldnt.

I had still got my coat on as I had been stood looking out of the window, hoping against hope that my beautiful daughter would drive up and tell me not to be so stupid. Instead it was a police car.

I quickly put the dogs in the lounge and let them in, I could tell by their faces that it was serious. My mind was working overtime . The policewoman asked me if there was anyone else in the house, I said no could she please tell me what was going on. She said there was no easy way of saying what she had to say and I said just please tell me, is it about my daughter? she then said was my daughter Sheila Prior I said yes then I started shaking , then was her car reg PVX 357R I nodded yes. I said please tell me and she said she had been involved in an accident and unfortunately had died at the scene. I heard this screaming and suddenly realised it was me, although I knew but didnt know, confirmation was just too much. I ended up in a heap on the floor. I was on my own, I needed Lesley and Stephen desperately. The shaking continued , my head was throbbing, had I heard right, this couldnt be happening but the police were there so yes it was real. They asked if they could call someone to be with me I said to ring my daughter please.

The policewoman got me to the chair and I waited for my children, I needed them like I had never needed them before. This just cant be happening.

Page 122

2008-10-07T03:20:00.000-07:00

Allie got a clean bill of health from the vet and I got her insured which was a relief. She really was an amazing dog . I knew Dennis would love her when he got out of prison , he loved dogs and was very upset when Angel died. I did write to him to tell him about Allie and I believe Sheila did too.

Dennis had now been moved to Wormwood Scrubs Prison in Shepherds Bush, London which meant it was easier for us to visit him but it was a dreadful place, according to Dennis. From outside it was very forbidding. We all hated visiting these places but it had to be done. I think I had visited most prisons in England over the years. Not something to be proud of.

Erins mum was coming to England in early September and wanted to tour England, Ireland and Scotland with Erin. They were planning on three weeks to do it all. Erin asked her boss if she could have the three weeks off and he said no way, bearing in mind she had been working there for over a year and had only had a couple of odd days holiday. He wouldnt budge so Erin handed in her notice as she couldnt let her Mum down and she would need to find somewhere else to live as when she left the job she would also be out of her room. She had a month to find somewhere.

Luckily it was London , so it wasnt difficult getting accommodation. Sheila went with her to try and find either a flat or room. They found a decent cheap flatlet which consisted of a bedsitting room and kitchenette and shared bathroom in Chelsea, London. The timing was right as the day she would leave the Tea Clipper she was due to move into the flat.

Sheila was very upset that Erin was leaving and decided she was going to also , she couldnt face being there without Erin. She rang me in tears and explained the situation and asked if she could come home, I said of course she could, it was her home, there was no need to ask. I said Steve and I would drive up when she was due to leave and bring all her things home.

It was lovely having Sheila home she could now see how well Allie had settled in. It was job hunting time again. She saw an advert in the local paper for a bar manager at The Moat House in Bourne End , to live out. Although she hadnt been a bar manager she knew she could do it and was going to give it a go. She was sure her experience in the The Tea Clipper would stand her in good stead. She was such a confident girl and very smart.

She got an interview and to everyones surprise even her own, she got the job with an immediate start. She would be on a months trial ,due to her lack of managerial experience. She had obviously talked a good talk.

Page 121

2008-10-06T03:12:00.000-07:00

The three weeks soon passed, I had everything ready for the Great Dane. A huge bed and food. We were going to use Angels collar and lead. I hoped she would get on with Candy, I knew Candy would accept her. The other thing was her name we didnt like Alice but we would have to live with it for a while at least until she settled in.

Sheila was off work until 6.00pm that evening so off we went to pick up Alice. The lady had her ready Sheila paid the balance and off we went. Alice seemed very happy to go with us and jumped in my car as good as gold.

We got home and now came the worrying part, would the two dogs accept each other. Steve was in waiting for us ,he was eager to see Alice. I opened the door and Candy came to greet us and her and Alice ran into the lounge leaping and sniffing each other. This lasted 2 minutes then they both sat on Alice`s bed, it was amazing. I gave Sheila a big hug and thanked her over and over again . We decided we would take both dogs out for a walk so Steve, Sheila and I took them across the road to the woods , we let Candy off the lead but poor Alice had to stay on hers .

I cant remember who it was but someone called her Allie and she went to them so we all decided Allie it would be. We had dinner and then Steve and I took Sheila to the station, we had no idea how Allie would be but we would soon find out. It would be at least 2 weeks before Sheila would be able to get home again, so by then Allie would be really part of our family.

I did wonder how she would be on monday when Steve and I went to work , I had already decided I would come home at lunchtime to take her for a short walk, which I did and everything was fine no mess or damage at all, she was very excited to see me. She was a really nice dog, very loving and as is peculiar with Great Danes she would sit on your lap with her feet on the ground, very odd to see.

Steve would be home before me so he would be the one to take her out next. It would be awkward on a wednesday as Steve goes straight to Lesley and Ians for dinner so they would have to wait until I got home a couple of hours later. Dogs are such creatures of habit , they have this in -built time clock.

Sheila rang regularly for an update. Allie had settled in so well you would have thought she had been with us for years. I took her to the vet to have a thorough check up and register her. The next thing was to get her insured ,which because of her size and breed would be expensive but necessary.

Page 120

2008-10-05T01:37:00.001-07:00

I rang loads of people who I knew bred Great Danes but so far no one had what we wanted. My last resort was a lady in Chipperfield I had heard of by reputation but didnt actually know. I couldnt believe it she said she had a bitch 12 months old that she had been going to keep for herself but due to illness she could no longer compete, so wouldnt be able to go to shows therefore be unable to win any championships which are imperative if you wanted to get good prices for your puppies. I arranged for Sheila and I to go and look at the dog on saturday as previously arranged with Sheila.

I rang Sheila she was thrilled to bits and couldnt wait until saturday. I arranged to meet her at the railway station and drive straight to Chipperfield.

Saturday finally came and I met Sheila and off we went. The lady let us in her house and we couldnt believe our eyes, we were surrounded by Great Danes , some puppies about 3 months old and several adults. She said all the dogs came in the house during the day but went out to kennels at night.

One dog would not leave Sheila and I alone, she wanted stroking all the time she was really beautiful and the same colouring as Angel, She obviously was from the same line I thought. The lady said that was the one for sale, her name was Alice and she was descended from the Clausentum breed which was the same as Angel. She was fawn with black spectacles and very big.

Sheila and I looked at each other and we both knew she was the one. Sheila asked how much she wanted for her and she said £200 as she had a pedigree full of champions. She would have asked for £350 if she had been a couple of months younger. As much as I now wanted her I said to Sheila it was too much. The lady said she would leave us to talk about it for while. Sheila insisted she was going to buy her , provided the lady would keep her until she got paid in 3 weeks time. I said I would go halves with her but she was adament it was going to be her present to me.

The lady came back and Sheila asked the question ,she said providing Sheila left a deposit she would be happy to wait the three weeks. She left a deposit of £100 and we arranged a date to collect her. By the way on talking to the lady we found we had quite a few friends in common so she wouldnt need to take up references as was usual.

Page 119

2008-10-04T02:23:00.000-07:00

We went to see Dennis he was fine, in fact he looked better than I had seen him look for ages. He had put on quite a lot of weight and looked really healthy. Prison seemed to suit him, I cant think why.

I spent a whole week in Belgium this time, as a new system had been installed and there was alot we needed to understand to process our requests to them for fabrications in the correct way. Once again we were in a five star hotel and the food there was excellent. Working very hard during the day but having an amazing time at night. We were taken to some amazing places to eat. Even the food on Sabena Airlines was amazing, I dont think it exists now.

My goodness its almost time for all my childrens birthdays again Sheila and Steve will be 19 yrs old and Lesley 22 yrs old it doesnt seem possible, where have all the years gone. Sheila said her and Erin were coming over and they would arrange something with Steve. Lesley would be celebrating hers with Ian, I would think.

Steve`s arthritis had gone completely now and he was a strapping 6ft 2 ins young man , he still religiously did the weight training. Sheila wasnt far off his height she was 5ft 10ins.and carried herself very well. Lesley was the shortest one at about 5ft 5ins. with straight blonde hair whereas Sheila`s was curly. I was so proud of them all. They were all good hard working kids with good hearts.

I couldnt quite believe it, our lives were jogging along quite smoothly. With Dennis being in prison we could relax. Everyone seemed to be happy in their work, it was really nice.

Sheila came home for the day and asked did I still miss Angel our Great Dane I said that I did but we still had Candy our little mongrel, although, she was getting on in years. She said how would I like another Great Dane and I said I didnt want another as I couldnt replace Angel. Her next question surprised me she said what would I do if she brought one home, would I turn it away , I laughed and said probably not. She said in that case she was going to buy one for me. I said no she couldnt they were so expensive, she said she had been saving up for it for some time. The tears just ran down my face and she joined me. I knew this was what I had hoped and prayed for that Sheila could forget the tough times we had been through in her early teens and get back the love and respect we had before it all went pear shaped. I know I handled things badly and had told her so. I was the adult she was the child but it had all got fuzzy at the edges.

I tried to dissuade her from buying the dog but once her mind was made up there was no stopping her. She made me promise to ring my contacts and to try and find one, we didnt want a puppy we wanted one about 12-18months old as we were all at work and puppies needed constant attention. I could get home at lunchtime, so it would be ok with an older dog.

Page 118

2008-10-03T03:11:00.000-07:00

It was a couple of weeks before I received a letter from Dennis saying he had been sentenced to 3 years imprisonment and would probably have to serve a minimum of 1 year. He said he had been charged with possession of class `A `drugs, shoplifting, selling drugs and had asked for several other things to be taken into account. The result being the 3 year sentence. One thing about Dennis was, he accepted that he had done the crime and must serve the time. This would be the the longest yet. Learning from past mistakes......I dont think so.

By the end of this sentence I will have probably visited most prisons in the UK .as they were always moving them around. What an achievement. At least we could relax now. It would probably be next October 1984 that he would be out, possibly longer if he didnt behave himself.

Sheila was really loving her new job, her and Erin were great friends, socially and at work. Sheila had certainly changed, much more positive and confident, She rang me regularly and came home whenever she was able and we were much closer, I would go so far as to say friends as well as mother and daughter.

Time passed thank goodness quite uneventful , Steve and I were still working at Sidal. I did love the job I was kept so busy now Robert had left. I was now liaising with all the branch managers and we had a great working relationship. I was off to Belgium again but this time I was going with a couple of Salesmen from my office and two managers from the branches, it was going to be very enjoyable.

Christmas came and went, we missed Dennis this year. Steve and I was going to visit him sometime this week but had to wait for a visiting order. He was now in a prison on the Isle of Sheppey. Quite a trek for us.

Page 117

2008-10-02T00:52:00.000-07:00

I saw Lesley every morning because where I worked had a staff bus that collected us an brought us home. Lesley lived on the route so the driver who I knew quite well would pick her up at the bus stop and drop her off where I worked , she worked across the road at Honeywell. It was very handy for her. I am sure it was against the rules but we did it for quite a few years.

I was changing all the beds and in Dennis`s room as I pulled off the dirty sheets I saw some papers sticking out from under the mattress, without thinking I pulled them out and found they were charge sheets from West End Central Police Station in Piccadilly. The dates were a few days ago and related to arrests for shoplifting, possession of illegal drugs and loitering with intent. Intent to what it didnt say. On another piece of paper was a court date, he was due to appear in court on monday it was now saturday and he hadnt said a word.

Dennis had been out since friday morning and we had no idea where he was again, I could only guess he would be in London scoring drugs. Steve and I spoke about the situation and decided we were going to tel him he had to go, we were not going to put up with the lies and stealing any longer.

Monday morning and he still wasnt home, Steve and I was worried sick, he could be lying in a gutter somewhere but there was nothing we could do but wait. I hoped if he was able that he would make the court appearance .

When Steve and I got home that night he still wasnt home and I just didnt know what to do. I decided I was going to ring the police station in Piccadilly, which I did and was given another number to ring they answered with Wormwood Scrubs Prison, my heart sank I now knew where he was. They confirmed he was there but couldnt or wouldnt give me any more information and for me to wait to hear from him. It was such a relief to know he was alive and safe.

I hoped if the sentence was a few months then perhaps he could get off the drugs but according to him in the past, they were easier to get hold of in prison than outside. If I am honest I felt relieved he was in prison and perhaps we could now relax in our own home instead of me making sure my handbag was hidden and Steve having to be carefull what he left unattended. It really was horrible but he was my brother and in spite of everything he did we loved him because we knew what a great guy he was off drugs.

Page 116

2008-10-01T03:20:00.000-07:00

Life went on ,it was very hard getting used to my Dad not being there. I sometimes found myself going to ring him. I rang Mrs Smith now and again, she had also found it difficult. Reading between the lines I got the impression they were relieved to have her home, not as they had put it gallivanting to Hemel every few weeks. She said she was very lonely now,she missed my Dad so much.

Sheila was now going to start her job at The Tea Clipper, incidently she did pass her driving test and had bought a little car from my friend Val, who Sheila had worked with at The Oldbury Park Hotel some time ago. It was quite old but in good condition mechanically. We decided that Sheila would drive to London and because of the lack of parking I would drive it home. In London you didnt need a car as there was always the tube and buses.

We got all her things in her room she was excited, if a little apprehensive . We were sat talking when there was a knock at her door, it was the other girl she would be working with, she had come to introduce herself. Her name was Erin she was Australian and a bit of a goth but a really nice friendly girl. She said for me not to worry about Sheila as she would look out for her. She also said the Landlord was really good and looked after them well. I felt a lot happier after meeting her, I could relax somewhat now. I decided it was time for me to go home and leave them to get to know each other. Sheila promised she would ring regularly and I grudgingly left.

Things were changing at work, my friend who was also the Sales Manager was called into the big boss`s office and told she was redundant she had been there for years. As usual what happens in a sales office is any one leaving for what ever reason , they go immediately in case the try to sabotage anything. I told her I would pop round to see her after work. She was so upset and angry.

A couple of months later Robert who was the buyer was sacked on the spot as he had been buying items to do with his hobby of graphic designing, it had obviously been a substantial amount. Again he was out the door with out being able to say goodbye. As I had been his assistant I expected my job to change.

Sure enough I was now expected to do most of Roberts work as well as my own with the same pay. Our jobs were so precarious no one dare to complain. I loved the job so I was happy to be taking more on.

Sheila was loving her new job, her and Erin were real mates and by all accounts were having an amazing time. Sheila was bringing Erin to out house for the weekend as the pub was closing for two days for redecoration. Sheila was eager to show Erin around Hemel . They got all dressed up and took Steve with them and said dont wait up.

I didnt hear them come in but they all had hangovers the next day . A good time had been had by all evidently. We had a lovely roast dinner, Erin said she hadnt had a family dinner since she left Australia. Her Mum lived in Queensland but Erin had been in Sydney.

I drove them home that evening and I arranged to meet Sheila on her next day off and we would have a mooch around Harrods. They said it was very unlikely to both be off.

Dennis was going off the rails again I think I made a mistake , my Dad had quite a bit of money in his wallet when he died and I gave it to Dennis. He had been clean for quite a while and I didnt think he would buy drugs but he did. We didnt see him for a whole week we had no idea where he was. He did eventually turn up looking really scruffy and admitted he had been in London.

It soon became obvious that he was back on heroin, he would go out early in the morning, usually without food and not come back until the evening. He would be shoplifting all day and selling the proceeds to then buy his heroin. Steve and I knew we had now to make sure everything of any value had to be hidden when we were at work.

Page 115

2008-09-30T04:50:00.000-07:00

We finally got home it had been a long harrowing day. Steve and Dennis took the dog for a walk and I started to cook dinner. We all had to get our lives back on track.

Sheila was saying she was a bit fed up of her job now. She loved being behind the bar but wanted a bit of a challenge. A friend of hers had said she used to work in London and had a great time, Sheila said she quite fancied this. I suggested we go to London to see what was available, it would have to be live in.

We were both on holiday so we decided we would go the next day. It would do us good to get away for a day. We decided to call in at Mike`s sisters shop to have a chat, as if Sheila did get a job in London it would be nice to be able to see her Auntie June now and again.

June thought it would be a good idea for her to work in London and said if ever she wanted anything she could just give her a ring. We started at the job centre in Hammersmith where June lived. There were loads of live in bar jobs. We ended up with about a six interviews spread all around West London.

There were two in Hammersmith itself but went we went to look at them they were a bit rough so we then went to Notting Hill there was one there. It looked quite nice although the area left a lot to be desired. There was junk littering the roadside, mattresses etc... Sheila went in for her interview I sat and had an orange juice.

Sheila finally came out and said she had got the job but was a bit hesitant because the landlord said it did get very rough at the weekends. We decided to go to the next interview which was The Tea Clipper in Knightsbridge in a road just opposite Harrods, a much nicer place than Notting Hill at that time (1983).

Again Sheila went for the interview and I had another juice and a sandwich, she was gone for ages, when she finally came out she said she really wanted this job it sounded a bit of a challenge. She had told the landlord that I was in the pub and he suggested we both go and look at the living accommodation, which we did. There was a huge high ceiling room with a single bed and a huge sofa and chair and dining table and chairs , it was really nice. Down a few stairs was a nice bathroom and kitchen.

The landlord said there was another girl who also worked there and had a room next to the one Sheila would be in. There was also a barman but he didnt live in. The wages were really good and there was a fair time off but they were expected to work hard in the busy times. Sheila accepted the job. I felt apprehensive it being so far away from us but knew it would be a real experience for her. She was such an outgoing person and she needed a challenge.

The landlord said the girl who was leaving to get married wasnt going for four weeks, so if Sheila wanted the job it was hers to start on 1st September. So it was all settled she had just to give them a ring when she was coming and provided her references were ok that was it.

When we got home there was a letter from the Driving Test Centre with a date for her test which fortunately was next week. If she passed, which I was sure she would because she was a really confident driver, she wouldnt need to take any time off from her new job.

She went in to work the next day to hand in her notice, she could give a months notice which they were pleased about, although they said they were realy sorry to lose her as she had been such an asset.

Page 114

2008-09-29T02:59:00.000-07:00

On monday I received a letter from the court in Camden saying an inquest was arranged for Wednesday 19th July at 12 noon. I couldnt believe this as that was the day of the funeral. I contacted the court but there was no way they could change the inquest. I then contacted the funeral parlour and explained the situation. They were very understanding but every day that week was booked. I then had this idea as the funeral was scheduled for 10.00am if we drove ourselves to the crematorium then after the funeral we could drive to Camden and hopefully make it for 12 noon with a fair wind and no traffic jams. The funeral people said that they would cancel the car we had booked and we would meet at the crematorium . Certainly not what I wanted to do but it seemed the only solution and I knew my Dad would would find this amusing, that was the kind of humour he liked.

I rang Lesley to tell her what I had done and she agreed that I didnt really have a choice and that her and Ian would go in their car and meet us there. My car was a bit of a banger so I decided to hire a car. Everybody agreed with what I had arranged, thank goodness. Why had I expected this to go smoothly, that just didnt happen with our family, there was always a spanner thrown in the works.

Mourners would be thin on the ground just myself, Dennis, Stephen ,Sheila, Lesley and Ian. I had informed our relatives in Rotherham and my Dads brother Jess but it was too short notice for them to come but they were going to send flowers.

All too soon wednesday came the dreaded day. We all met up at the Crematorium, the hearse was filled with flowers and wreaths. My Dad would be so thrilled. The service was quite short and just tore our hearts out, the finality was just too much. Saying goodbye to the best Dad and Grandad anyone could have, just seemed too much to bear. It didnt seem right to now be dashing off to Camden , it would have been nice to just have been able to go home and for us all to just sit and chat about him.

Myself the twins and Dennis set off to Camden. It was a rush but we made it with minutes to spare. We had never been to an inquest before so had no idea what to expect. We were shocked to find that we had to relate exactly what had happened that sunday night. Statements were read from the hospitals and a verdict of accidental death was recorded. There was other paperwork to be dealt with . Dennis went and gave all the information for the death certificate and when I read it I was shocked to see that he had put my Dads profession as a carpenter when he was a painter and decorator , Dennis couldnt believe he had done that but the day had been so awful that it was understandable.

Page 113

2008-09-28T01:49:00.000-07:00

Mrs Smith was distraught, I suggested she rang her family, I believe she had two daughters. She did this and chatted for a while and then passed the phone to me as her daughter wanted to speak to me. Firstly she passed on her condolences and then said she thought it would be better for her Mum if she went home before the funeral,which I could understand but was a little surprised. Everyone deals with grief differently. I said I didnt think she was in any state to go home on her own, she was 72 yrs old. I suggested that perhaps they could come and pick her up but she said it was a long drive. I then asked her what she thought she should do and she said she could manage to meet halfway , meaning me drive half way. I said this would be difficult as I had work committments and a funeral to arrange also I had to clear my Dads flat. I didnt want to argue the point as my Dad wouldnt want that , so I agreed and arranged to meet her at Watford Gap Services the next day which was wednesday. I suggested meeting at 10.00am but that was too early for her so we settled on midday. I did think it was a bit selfish.

Mrs Smith was full of apologies for her daughters inflexibility but I said it didnt matter as long as she got home without too much hassle. We packed her suitcase , this was so upsetting for her. I am sure she would have liked her daughter to be there. I know if it was my Mum I would have been straight there to help her. She had only known mysef and kids for about 3 months we were strangers really.

We got Mrs Smith to the services at 11.50am and had to wait an hour before the daughters arrived this really annoyed me but I didnt let it show. I said goodbye to Mrs Smith and she asked me to keep in touch.

Back home Dennis and I arranged the funeral , this time we were going to get loads of flowers as my Dad had said he wanted that. I found it so difficult I just couldnt stop the tears. Both our parents were now gone. The funeral was arranged for the following Wednesday 19th July 1983 and at sometime we had to go to Camden in London for the inquest as he actually died in The Royal Free Hospital in Camden.

I got in touch with the council housing and was told the flat would have to be empty in a weeks time and gave me a date to hand in the keys, if I failed to meet this time I would have to pay another weeks rent. I got in touch with work and asked for 2 weeks holiday from my annual leave.

Dennis decided he wanted all my Dads tools and there was a few sentimental bits I wanted, the rest we decided we would call in a house clearance company. This was a horrible job we were all in tears sorting things. We all felt like we shouldnt be intruding but it had to be done. All his clothes too. Everything we came across seemed to upset us more.

At last it was done and collection was arranged. When it had all gone we cleaned the flat and I returned the keys. The next horrible thing was the funeral on thursday something we were all dreading.

Page 112

2008-09-27T01:08:00.000-07:00

Morning came and again I rang the hospital and still no change. I was going in to work to explain what had happened and then I would go straight to the hospital and sit with my Dad, if they would let me.

Sheila and Dennis were going to stay with Mrs Smith as she was in a terrible state but couldnt face going to see my Dad. Work were once more very understanding and said I should take all the time I needed. They knew I wouldnt abuse it.

I went to the hospital and found a nurse who said she would check to see if I could sit with my Dad for a while. When she came back she said it was ok and to try and talk to him just in case he could hear but not speak. She said later in the day he was going to be transferred to The Royal Free Hospital somewhere in London where they had better facilities.

I had this awful feeling in the pit of my stomach that if they thought there was any hope for my Dad coming out of the coma he would have been sent to this hospital before now. I loved my Dad so much, we were so close. We had been through so much and I couldnt imagine him not being around. He had been there for me throughout my life, my Mum used to say she felt like the outsider, which she wasnt but she had quite a short fuse , whereas my Dad was so laid back.

The tears streamed down my face, my Dad looked as if he was just sleeping, if only. I gave him a kiss and started talking to him about anything and everything but not a flicker of life was evident. It brought back memories of when I visited him in hospital when I was 9 yrs old after his operation, it evoked such sad memories that I was just sobbing, the nurse came in and said she thought I should perhaps go home for a while, as I was so upset. She said he would be transferred to the other hospital at about 2.00pm but she would ring me at home to confirm that time.

I didnt really want to leave him but I was in such a state I had to go. I was scared I wouldnt see him alive again. When I got home I told them my Dad was being moved and Dennis and Sheila said they would now go to the hospital and stay with my Dad and follow the ambulance to the Royal Free and stay with him. I would have preferred Mrs Smith to not be here, not in a nasty way, just that I had to be with her as I knew my Dad would have wanted that but I really needed some time to myself . I would also like to have gone with Sheila and Dennis to the Royal Free. We sat waiting by the telephone hoping and yet dreading it ringing.

At about 4.00pm Sheila rang and said they were now at the Royal Free and my Dad had been taken into surgery. She said the Doctor had said to prepare ourselves for the worst. They were going to stay there. Fighting back the tears was the hardest thing but I had to be strong for Mrs Smith.

The next telephone call was from Dennis saying my Dad had died he hadnt regained consciousness just gone from us. I couldnt stop the tears I was heartbroken this was the day I hoped would never come. Dennis said they were on there way home. Mrs Smith had guessed from my reaction that he had died and we were both in tears. It was the saddest time.

Page 111

2008-09-26T02:56:00.000-07:00

Time was passing , everyone was looking forward to the summer. Lesley and Ian were going to the TT Races on the Isle of Man soon, something I would have liked to do in our motor bike days.

Steve had decided to sell his motor bike now he was working locally, he wasnt that keen on it especially as it had a top speed of 30m.p.h.. It was snapped up very quickly. Dennis was behaving himself but hadnt as yet got a job. Life was ticking along quite nicely.

My Dad and Mrs Smith were staying at my Dads flat and Dennis, Steve and myself decided to go and visit them this sunday evening as we hadnt seen them for a while as they had been in Rotherham for the past 6 weeks or so. We loved visiting my Dad as we always had such a laugh.

As usual the first thing that was said ,other than hello ,was do you want a cup of tea and of course we all did. It was a really good night my Dad was on top form. I dont think any of us had had such a good laugh for ages. Before we knew it it was 10.30pm so we said goodnight and went home.

We hadnt been indoors any longer than 30 mins when the telephone rang, it was Mrs Smith in a terrible state, saying my dad had been dancing around and had fallen and hit his head on the television stand and he wasnt moving. I was terrified, as if you remember, my Dad had a tumour removed from his brain in 1948 and had a part of his skull removed and we had always been scared of him hitting his head. I shouted to the others what had happened and we all dashed out and jumped in the car . We were there in 2 minutes and my Dad was laid on the floor unconscious. I immediately dialled 999 for an ambulance and explained what had happened, they said they would be there a.s.a.p.

It seemed to take ages and I rang them again and they said they were en route and should be there any nminute. Mrs Smith was in a terrible state as were we all. We all felt so useless. At last the ambulance arrived, I explained about my Dads operation and they did what they had to do and Dennis and Steve went in the ambulance with my Dad and I had to stay and take care of Mrs Smith. I decided it would be better to take her to our house. We had had such a good time with my Dad that night he had obviously still been on a high and was messing about after we had gone home.

I couldnt bear the thought of anything happening to my Dad and really wanted to be with him but I knew he would prefer me to stay with Mrs Smith. We went home and I made us a cup of tea ,the panacea of life. I asked her if she wanted to sleep here and she said yes, she didnt want to go back to the flat.

Dennis and Steve came home , my Dad was in intensive care and they werent allowed to stay with him. Things were different then. They said they would ring us if there was any change and that we could ring at anytime. I rang Lesley and told her and I would have to wait until morning to tell Sheila.

Mrs Smith said she didnt want to go to bed so I stayed up with her, we were just waiting for the phone to ring in some ways to tell us he had woken up but not in other ways in case it was bad news. I rang the hospital at around 3.00am but there was no change he was still unconscious.

Page 110

2008-09-25T03:07:00.000-07:00

Lesley and Ian came to see us they too were upset about Angel as we all thought the world of her. Candy kept looking for her, poor thing.

My Dad and his lady friend were having a great time I have never seen my Dad so happy and relaxed for such a long time. Mrs Smith was good for him, they hadnt a care in the world. Every six weeks they would say , go to her bungalow then after six weeks go to my dads flat. The changing about was keeping them active. My Dad was now 71yrs old and I think Mrs Smith was about 72.

Dennis came home from prison and did seem a changed man but I am sure it wouldnt last but I really hoped it would. Once more our house was turned into a place of fun. Dennis loved walking and took Candy for really long walks, he said it was strange not having Angel as well. I said I wouldnt have any more dogs as it was just to painfull losing them. I was dreading the day Candy went , we had had her since she was 8 weeks old and she was now 10 yrs old.

Chritmas was coming and we all loved it. Lesley would be going to Ian`s mums for this Christmas ,I didnt like the idea much but thats what happens when your children leave home. Sheila was coming home, so we would have Dennis, Steve, Sheila and myself my Dad and Mrs Smith was going to her daughters. I hoped that Lesley and Ian would come to us for Boxing Day. Our traditional meal for that day was cold turkey and whatever other meats we had and chips and loads of homemade pickles. I preferred this to Christmas Day dinner.

Life ticked along everyone was doing great. Dennis still clean and job hunting without much success.Steve enjoying his job and Sheila , well she had changed so much living away from home. We got on so well the hard work had been worth it. Although during the rough times we went through I really didnt handle it at all well. The bottom line was in spite of the rows etc....we still loved each other and the fight was worth it, as now we had a really nice mother and daughter relationship with mutual respect.

Its really odd I had three children, who were all brought up the same with lots of love and respect but one turns out to be a wild child, but I wouldnt be without them.Its unconditional love.

I was still enjoying my job and was now an assistant buyer and if I say it myself a good one. Our parent company was in Belgium I had a lot of contact with them , asking for quotes for certain customer requirements . Myself and several other employees were invited to Belgium to see how the Aluminium was manufactured and processed. This would help me understand problems they sometimes had with my request for certain sizes and shapes.

We were put into a really nice 5 star hotel in Antwerp , the food was absolutely amazing. The bosses also took us out in the evenings to different places, they certainly knew how to eat. The `pubs` were really nice too especially for me as I didnt drink alcohol. All the `pubs` served coffee and biscuits and delicious cakes. I was in my element. we stayed for 3 days.

It was almost March 1983 an expensive time for me, as it was all my childrens birthdays. It was a turning point for Sheila as her employers had been true to their word and Sheila started her new job behind the bar. Steve would now be able to drink legally. He used to go drinking at the local pub The Marchmont with Lesley and Ian and loads of other mates.

Page 109

2008-09-24T04:50:00.000-07:00

Steve really was in agony with his shoulder so we went to Casualty. It was a long wait but the news was good , they said it was just badly bruised and to rest it as much as possible. They gave him some painkillers and didnt want to see him again.

Sheila decided she was going to buy a moped a Honda Melody that you just sat on and drove, no gears. She soon got to grips with it and was flying about. She was really fed up with the laundry work and got a job at what was then the Aubrey Park Hotel in Redbourn as a waitress at their restaurant. The scooter was invaluable, as they were midnight finishes so no public transport at that time. I was getting really tired as I was waiting up for her, I had visions of her laying by the roadside after falling off the thing. It was good though we were able to have some good chats uninterrupted.

Sheila stayed at that job for a couple of months and then decided she wanted something different. A friend of hers was working at The Noke Hotel in St Albans as a chambermaid and said how much fun it was so Sheila applied and got a job. She really loved it and had hopes of working behind the bar when she was 18 yrs old.

The manager promised her a job and also asked her if she would like to live in as they needed a chambermaid on hand at all hours, also when she worked behind the bar, living in would be good as she wouldnt have to ride home on the scooter in all weathers. I thought this would be good for her as we were still having behaviour problems. I had to arrange for Lesley to visit when Sheila was out otherwise it would be like a war zone. I had this feeling that a little independence could only be beneficial. Perhaps we could all get on better with a little space.

Sheila had been taking driving lessons and couldnt wait to pass her test. She was a really good driver and providing nerves didnt interfere I was pretty sure she would pass first time. Fingers crossed.

I went to look at the room she had been given and it was really cosy but plain, so Sheila and I went shopping and I bought her a really nice bed set including a duvet, a couple of matching cushions and bits and bobs. She had access to a staff kitchen and I think a good time was had by all. She was a very popular girl as she was so outgoing.

Lesley and Ian had bought a lovely little cottage in Catlin Street, Boxmoor it was really lovely with a really old quince bush around the front door. I was really jealous but really pleased for them.

Steve was still working in Watford but was getting a bit fed up with the travelling and the job. I was still working at Sidal Aluminium and asked the warehouse manager if there were any vacancies for my son, he was almost 18yrs old. He said he was at the moment looking for a young lad to train up. We arranged for Steve to go for an interview.

Steve was really pleased, he said he quite fancied the work and it was in Hemel so hardly any travelling. The interview went well , he had a really good work record , no sick days at all in the 2 years he had been there. He got the job, he was well pleased.

I received a letter from Dennis who was in prison and he said he was being released the following week and could he stay with us. I really wasnt too keen on this but didnt feel I had any choice. He had no where else to go and now Sheila was not living at home we had a spare room. He promised me faithfully he was finished with the drugs as being in prison had been like rehab. I just wish I could have believed him but I knew that once he got out he would revert to type but I hoped I was wrong.

Steve started work at Sidal and seemed to be really enjoying it. Sheila too was loving living in and the job. In 5 months the twins would be 18 yrs old and Lesley 21 yrs old . (March 23rd and 24th respectively).

Angel our Great Dane was not very well she seemed listless and generally unwell. I took her to the vet and they did quite a few tests on her gave her an injection and said they would be in touch when they had the test results, which should be a couple of days. In the meantime they gave me some antibiotics. The vet said she thought Angel had a womb infection but the tests would tell her.

Angel meant so much to me I had had her for nearly six years and she never left my side. The tests came through and the vet was right, Angel needed a hysterectomy to save her life. Thank goodness she was insured as this operation would cost approx. £500. The operation was the next day and I was so scared for Angel.

I rang Sheila she was shocked it had been so sudden, she said she had two days off so would come over and stay overnight to help me get Angel to the surgery in the morning. Steve couldnt have time off as he had just started his new job.

Morning came far too soon , I`m sure Angel knew something was wrong as usually she loved getting in the car but this morning it took Sheila and I ages to coax her in. We were exhausted. She was very big, for instance she could look over our 6 ft fence in the garden. I took Sheila back home and unfortunately I had to go to work. The vet said they would ring me as soon as the op. was over.

About midday my phone rang and it was the vet saying the operation had been a success and Angel was just waking up, to give it an hour or so before picking her up. I rang Sheila and told her we were both so relieved. I put the phone down and it rang again almost immediately. It was the vet again saying she was very sorry but Angel had just died. I said but I had just been told she was ok , she said her heart had just given out. I put the phone down, I was in shock. I went and told my boss what had happened and she said to go to the vet and find out what was happening and take the rest of the day off.

I went straight home to tell Sheila, I couldnt ring her she would be devastated. She couldnt believe it either and we both went to the vet. They were equally devastated and couldnt believe what had just happened. Sheila and I were both able to see Angel then we went home. Our other little dog Candy would miss her so much she was almost 10 yrs old.

Sheila and I shed a few tears and then she had to go home as she had bits and pieces she needed to do. I was so pleased Sheila had been with me today.

Page 108

2008-09-22T00:55:00.000-07:00

Sheila and Andy were getting on well she seemed to have calmed down quite a bit. They spent a lot of time at Andy`s house. At last we received confirmation of the house exchange, we were to move in two weeks. I rang the other people to make sure they had also received notfication and they had. The timing of the move was up to us so we agreed a time. Packing to begin in earnest now.

My Dad was thrilled to bits we were moving just around the corner from him. He came to look at the maisonette and really liked it. He said he would like to buy us a carpet for the lounge, it would be his housewarming present. I was thrilled as I would have had to wait until I had saved up enough money.

The move came and went , this time quite uneventful no deaths or breakages. We all loved the house we had room to breathe. The dogs liked the huge garden as the last one had been quite small. This one even had a pear tree.

Sheila and I were getting dinner ready when the phone rang , it was Steve he had been involved in an accident on his moped with a car . panic struck in but I realised he was ok as he was talking to me. He said he had hurt his shoulder . He had got all the details from the other lady driver and given his. He told us where it was and Sheila and I jumped in the car to get him. This was what I had dreaded. No-one new better than me the dangers of motor bikes from past experience but you cant mollie coddle your children too much.

Steve was really shaken up from what he said about the accident it was a 50/50 situation. His shoulder looked very painfull but only bruised as we thought.

Page 107

2008-09-21T01:53:00.000-07:00

Lesley and Ian moved into their flat at Boxmoor and I felt choked, I would miss Lesley a lot but they were happy and it wasnt far away.

Sheila had been talking to a lad on the CB called Andy from Kings Langley and although she hadnt met him she really liked him. I said to Sheila that if she wanted to meet him he could come to our house just in case he wasnt who he said he was. So she invited him round for a cup of tea. He was a really nice lad, so at ease with us. Told us all about his family, his Mum and Dad were divorced and there were three boys and a girl. Andy was the youngest boy and his sister was the baby of the family. He stayed for a couple of hours.

Sheila and Steve both had got jobs . I had taken them to Watford as there was nothing in Hemel. Sheila had a job in a laundry and Steve at a clothing warehouse. They were not the type of jobs they wanted but they could still look for something else while having a bit of money.

Sheila said she had been thinking of selling Outlaw as working and also having a boyfriend and still waitressing now and then was too much. She wasnt giving Outlaw the attention he needed not having a horsebox after Mikes exit she couldnt compete.

One of the girls at the stables had hinted to Sheila that if she ever thought of selling Outlaw she would be interested, so I said decide on a price and ask the girl. It would be a sad day but it would be better for him. The girl jumped at the chance so our life with horses , which we had all enjoyed came to an end.

Steve had got fed up of all the travelling by bus and train to Watford so decided to buy a small motor bike 50cc . This was all he could ride at 16 yrs old. He had real trouble mastering it but did after a few trial and errors and loss of temper in frustration. Before long he loved it.

My Dad was doing really well He had been in touch with the lady who had lived next door to him in Rotherham and arranged to go and visit her for a couple of weeks and she was going to come back with him for a while. I was so pleased for them as they were both lonely.

I was getting fed up with where we lived it was horrid, there was only six houses in the close but their houses were filthy. All arguments were settled by fighting, the police were regular visitors. I put in some cards in the local shops asking for an exchange to anywhere in Hemel with a few exceptions. Mike had now got a council one bedroom flat, we never saw him.

Dennis had been sent to prison for 6 months , less than he had anticipated but would give us a break. We had found loads of other things missing. If it wasnt nailed down then he had taken it.

I had forgotten about the adverts I had put in the shops, as they had now expired but I received a telephone call from someone in Gadebridge in a maisonette, they were very interested and asked if they could come and have a look at our house, I said yes and just prayed there wouldnt be any trouble in the street.

They came and really liked it ,they were expecting a baby in a few months and really wanted a house, as the stairs up to the maisonette would be difficult with a pram, although I had managed .What a coincidence, their maisonette used to be my friend Maureens , just two doors away from where we used to live. We arranged to look at it the next night.

I had forgotten how nice and spacious and light these maisonettes were, they had done so much work to it the master bedroom had fitted wardrobes and was really well decorated. All the woodwork in the lounge was highly polished mahogany. I fell in love with it. I said I definitely wanted to exchange and they said they did too.

They had built in a mahogany bar which they said they hoped we wanted it as it was a fixture. I said we did and that I would leave all the carpets which were only about 12 months old. They were really pleased with that. The following morning I contacted the council and set things in motion .The other couple had already been in touch. It was now the waiting game. Sheila and Steve were really pleased too.

Page 106

2008-09-20T01:49:00.000-07:00

There never appeared to be a break in our household from problems, this morning I received a telephone call from the people who had Outlaw on loan, the father said that Outlaw had kicked Sharon in the stomach and they had decided that they wanted to return him. I found this very hard to believe as we had had Outlaw a long time and we had never seen any sign of nastiness he had always been a true gentleman. I asked how it had happened and he said it was when Sharon was grooming him. I was puzzled and was thinking maybe they just didnt want him anymore. I knew that they had given up the shop but didnt know why. I said when Sheila came home I would talk to her and if it was definitely what they wanted we could arrange things and left it like that.

Sheila was shocked and rang Sharon to find out more details. Sharon told Sheila that she really didnt want to part with Outlaw but her parents were in financial difficulties and they couldnt afford to keep him. Sheila said what was it about the kicking and she said a couple of her friends were mucking about and had thrown an apple core at his rear and he kicked out, unfortunately Sharon was at that time grooming his tail and got kicked. She said she hadnt told her Dad about the apple core incident only that Outlaw had kicked her without cause.

When I got home from work I rang him and said that if he was sure, I could arrange the horsebox to collect him and he could send me a cheque to cover it, as per the agreement, he agreed. I rang Trina and she agreed to collect Outlaw the following sunday and gave me a price. I passed this on to Sharons Dad and he said he would send a cheque payable to me straight away.

Sheila and I had to find stabling for Outlaw so we asked at Little Heath where he was before and luckily there was room. There was food and hay to buy my wages were going to be stretched. How we were going to manage I didnt know.

Sheila said she would look for a part-time job and I think it was lesley who suggested `The Pavilion `where Lesley used to work as a waitress, it was good money and tips, Sheila seemed quite keen and it would certainly go towards paying for Outlaws costs.

The cheque arrived for the horsebox on friday but I didnt have time to put it in the bank but had no reason to think it wouldnt be ok.

Sheila got a job at the Pavilion and her first stint was the following friday night, she had told them that she was a silver service waitress but she hadnt any experience at all, she was going to bluff it. I said she should ask Lesley for some help but they were such enemies.

Sunday came and Trina picked Sheila up and off they went to get Outlaw I had already paid Trina. it was quite a trek to Colchester so I didnt expect them back for about 4 or 5 hours. They were going to ring me when they got close to Hemel and I would meet them at the stables.

Sheila had been quite a lot better and I was hoping that having Outlaw back might improve things even more.

What had helped was I had bought a CB Radio which was all the rage with kids and adults,it was a bit like the internet of today but no way near as sophisicated but I must admit it was good fun. Treasure hunts were arranged and we would get in our cars and be given clues the CB`s were invaluable . There was a downside as you didnt know who you were talking to and the fear of most parents was who there children were sometimes arranging to meet. Just like the internet.

They arrived back with Outlaw and he looked fine . Sheila said Sharon was really upset at parting with him. Trina said that her Dad said he should really be sueing us for the kick in Sharons stomach but Trina stepped in and said throwing apple cores at a horse was not the thing to do anyway and he shut up.

I deposited the cheque for Outlaws trip home on the monday and a few days later was informed by the bank that the cheque had been stopped tby the account holder, the day after it was written. I was fuming .

I rang them and he said did I really think he was that stupid as to pay for Outlaw being returned and slammed the phone down. I tried on loads of occasions to ring him back but they wouldnt answer it. I was so angry that I rang my solicitor and asked his advice. He said it was illegal to stop a cheque as after it had been sent it formed a contract between him and me. He suggested I go to the small claims court and they would tell me how to go about it.

I went to the court and set things in motion. Time passed I received a letter saying they couldnt find him , he no longer lived at that address. I knew he worked as a nurse at the local hospital and had done for years, so I contacted the hospital and asked to speak to him , they said it was his day off but if I rang the next day I would be able to get him. I thanked them and immediately got back to the court and told them what I had found out.

Weeks went by and I was beginning to despair when I received a letter from the court saying they had found him and his wages were going to be garnished and I would receive £3 per week until the debt was repaid. Evidently he had pleaded poverty and this was the best they could do. I wasnt happy but at least he would have to pay. I think he thought he could put one over on me but I showed him.

Page 105

2008-09-18T04:28:00.001-07:00

Sheila came home and for a while things were good but it soon changed Lesley and Sheila just couldnt get on it was one slanging match after another. Sheila was messy, her side of the bedroom was really bad and this drove Lesley crazy.

Dennis was once more taking drugs ,how he was getting them I could only guess. I asked him if he had forgotton about the suspended sentence, he said he hadnt and would take his chances. He was going out around 9.00am and returning high on drugs in the evening. He was obviously shop lifting probably in London.

One day Lesley was getting ready to go out and couldnt find a silver ingot that Ian had given her she always kept it in the same place with all her jewellery and now her jewellery box was empty. She couldnt understand this as her door had a padlock and it was locked when she went in. She called me and we had a good look at the door and could see that the hasp where the lock attaches was all scratched as if the screws had been removed and put back but had not been lined up properly.

Then we both said at the same time `Dennis` this was his M.O. when he lived with us before he had done similar things ie the gas and electric meters and many other things. I couldnt wait for him to come home but he didnt.

The next morning I received a telepnone call from a probation officer saying Dennis had been arrested for stealing a Doctors bag and shoplifting and had been found with illegal drugs in his possesion. He was to appear before the magistrate that morning and he should be remanded in custody due to the suspended sentence he had from Newark but there was no guarantees.

They said I could ring at about 3.00pm to find out. I didnt have to they let Dennis ring me, he had been remanded in custody and he said he would automatically get 6 months and probably another year on top for the other charges. I didnt mention the jewellery as you dont kick a dog when its down. He would get his punishment being incarcerated.

The kids were shocked when I told them but they realised it was better for us or he would have made our lives hell.

Sheila and Lesley were getting worse arguing all the time it was like a war zone, they really didnt get on at all.

It got so bad that Lesley and Ian decided to look for somewhere for them both to live, I was a bit concerned as Lesley was only 19 and they had only been going out for about a year and a half but I understood.

A couple of weeks later they found a really nice ground floor flat in Boxmoor and lucky for them they got it. It was a hive of activity as they needed furniture etc.... and it was in need of a little TLC. but it was lovely.

I would miss Lel but it was only about ten minutes away. It made me realise that my children were growing up.

Page 104

2008-09-18T04:28:00.000-07:00

Sheila rang me and said she was doing a lot of thinking and realised she had been behaving like an idiot. Things were going to change when she came home. She also asked if she could stay another week I said she could.

Lesley was feeling a lot better it had been just over a week. Ian was with her when he could. They were really getting on well.

I received a letter from my brother Dennis who had been living in a place called Newark, Notts. but at the moment was in a rehab centre . He had again been caught stealing Doctors bags he was now a real heroin addict. He had been told by his Consultant that if I would let him live with me and agree to keep him out of trouble then the judge who was about to review his case might release him in my custody....I was dubious about this, I hadnt actually seen him for about 6 years and didnt know if I really wanted the hassle that I knew he would bring. I decided to ask the kids what they thought as whatever I did would affect them.I spelt everything out to Lesley and Stephen and they thought we should give him a chance to change. I phoned Sheila and she agreed with them.

The review of his case was in a weeks time so I phoned the Consultant and said we were prepared to give him a chance I thought that would be it but no he said I would have to appear before the judge and he would put a series of questions to me and dependant on my answers would say yes or no. I didnt like this idea but had no choice.

The Consultant said he would see me before the court review and go over a few things with me about Dennis. He said he felt Dennis had enough of the drug scene and at last wanted to stay clean. I thought to myself another one has been taken in ,although he was my Brother I knew he could make these people believe in him but I knew better. Still we would give him a chance. He would have to stay off drugs for a given time ,which the judge would specify, or go to prison.

I saw the consultant and yes he was quite young and gullible he had gone for Dennis`s promises hook line and sinker. I was sceptical and I hadnt seen Dennis yet. We went to court and first of all Dennis was grilled and then it was my turn . He asked about my family their ages their thoughts on Dennis coming to live with us and loads of other things. It must have gone down well as he released Dennis into my custody for 3 months if he re-offended in that time he would go straight to prison for 6 months. I thought this would be a good deterrent.

His face was a picture. The first thing we did was to get a cup of coffee and I wanted to lay some ground rules. We then drove home . The kids were all eagerly awaiting him, they thought the world of him. Before long our house was ringing with laughter. He had a real knack of getting everybodies spirits up.

We all jumped in the car and went to see my Dad as he hadnt seen Dennis since my Mum died so it was very emotional. Dennis really liked my Dads flat and it only being 5minutes away from us was great.

Page 103

2008-09-17T05:13:00.000-07:00

Sheila`s behaviour didnt improve in fact it got worse. We were all really fed up with her attitude. I rang the Social Services just to see if I could get some counselling or some help. I told Sheila and she immediately started getting upset, saying I was going to put her in care. I was shocked this had never crossed my mind, that is something I would never do , it would be over my dead body. I managed to convince her that all I was trying to do was to get her and myself some help, as I was at a loss as to how to get through to her. She accepted this and said she didnt know why she was being like this but hoped we could get help.

About a week later I received an appointment for Sheila and myself to see a social worker. The first thing I made clear in front of Sheila was that there was no way I would let her be in care, I would put up with whatever she threw at me , verbally of course.

The three of us had a good chat and then Sheila went in on her own, she came out crying gave me a big hug and said she would try her best to sort herself out. The social worker said would it be possible for Sheila to go away to a relative for a few days, as while she was trying to sort things out she didnt want interference from Lesley and Stephen.

Linda had by now moved to Southampton , she had a flat there and I suggested to Sheila that she might like to go there for a few days, if it was ok with Linda, who now had another child by a different father, who was not on the scene. Sheila said she would like to go so I contacted Linda and she said she would love the company.

We were all pleased to put some space between Lesley, Stephen and myself and Sheila. Things had been very fraught. I put Sheila on the coach to Southampton ,Linda was going to meet her at the other end. I told Sheila I loved her and asked her to ring me at least a couple of times a week

I hated any of my children being away from home but in this case it was necessary. Lesley came home from work feeling really ill , she looked terrible and went straight to bed. Steve`s foot was so much better, it may be coincidence but for his birthday we had bought him a set of weights and a bench and since he had been using them he had improved his posture so much and had virtually no pain in his foot. It was juvenile arthritis and the consultant said it could disappear as quickly as it came around 14 or 15yrs old.

The next morning I went to look in on Lesley and she was much worse , so much so I called the Doctor out, I would have to have at least the morning off, thank goodness my boss was also my friend. The Doctor took some blood and said he thought she had Glandular Fever and that we would know in a couple of days. Sheila had had it a couple of years ago and its not nice.

Lesley received a letter from QE2 Hospital giving her a start date for the nursing. I had to ring them and tell them she had Glandular Fever and that she would not be able to make the date. I was asked to hold and when the lady came back she said that anyone who had that would not be able to start nursing for approx 6 months, maybe longer depending on a blood test. This was a real blow to Lesley even though she now had a serious relationship with Ian and therefore not to keen to live in Welwyn Garden City.

Page 102

2008-09-16T02:52:00.000-07:00

Outlaw went and they rang us and said he had settled in really well and Sharon was really pleased with him. Sheila was slowly getting over not having him, there was now a big void not having to go before and after school to care for the horses.

She seemed to be getting on alright in her new school, although she had made friends with a very rough element and I was very concerned with her choice. I hoped she would see through them. I had no idea the area we had moved to was so awful.

Sharon rang Sheila and asked her if she would like to go and stay with them for a few days on the next holidays. She could then check on Outlaw. Sharon said she would show her around Colchester. They were both almost 15 yrs old. I said she could so they just had to arrange a date, Sheila would travel by train and they would meet her at the station.

Sheila came home and said Outlaw was really happy and that she had had a really good time . She had changed , she seemed to have a new found confidence about her to the point of rudeness and a definite lack of respect for any of us. It didnt matter what I said to her it always ended up as an argument, she knew it all and that I should stop treating her like a child. It got so that everytime we met it turned into a slanging match. I must admit in retrospect I didnt handle it well I gave her more ammunition.

I received a letter from her school asking me why she hadnt been to school for two weeks, I was puzzled by this, as far as I was aware she had gone every day since the holidays. I rang the school and they confirmed she had not been at school. I apologised and said that I would get to the bottom of it. I now realised she had been going out in the morning as if to school but god knows what she had been up to.

She came in at the time she should have if she had been at school and I asked her if she had a good day, which she said she had. I then showed her the letter from school and she turned to me with such nasty look on her face and said so what, she would do as she pleased. I said no she would do as I say and that brought forth a string of abuse. She asked what I was going to do about it, I said if necessary I would escort her to school but she replied that she would walk out again. I was just about tearing my hair out I didnt know how to react. I wasnt used to this type of behaviour. I decided to leave it for the moment and let her calm down a bit then try again.

It didnt get any better, she then proceeded to argue with Steve and Lesley saying they were goodie goodies and hadnt got minds of their own. Luckily Ian came for Lesley and they went out. I was at a loss. I think she thought now that her Dad was out of the picture she could do as she pleased, well I would do my best to restore harmony but I was sceptical.

I was going to get the bus the next morning when I saw Sheila with a couple of friends walking to school and I couldnt be believe my eyes, they were all smoking. I went to ask her about it and they all ran off.

Things were getting worse she was going to school occasionally staying out to all hours. I spent so much time searching the streets for her at all hours. On one occasion it was 01.00am and I had been looking for her for hours when I decided to speak to the police. They said they would come to our house for some details. I told them that her Dad and I had just split up and about her having to give up her horses and that she had been skipping school, in the middle of this in she walked. The police woman asked me if I would like her to have a private word with Sheila. I said yes and we left them to it. After about half an hour the policewoman said they had spoken but Sheila was just rude to her. I was shocked at her behaviour.

The police said perhaps I should have a word with a childrens social worker to try and get some guidance as staying out at this hour was dangerous. I said I would think about it. I thanked them and off they went. Sheila by this time had gone to bed.

Page 101

2008-09-15T00:39:00.000-07:00

The house was a hive of activity we had decided to do some decorating, everyone mucked in. We all felt so relaxed. Sheila and I decided we would put an advert in the Horse and Hounds to try and find smeone to take Outlaw on loan for at least six months. Hopefully by then Sheila and Steve would be working so the pressure should ease on me. There was no way I could pay for Outlaws needs ie. stabling, hay and vet bills and shows.

I came home from work one day and something looked differant in the front room , I suddenly realised my chair was missing, Mike had his own armchair that he had had made and I had a really nice chair without arms. I couldnt understand why he had taken my chair and not his own. I immediately rang him at his lodgings and insisted he bring the chair back, a bit of an argument took place but he did agree to return it. What a cheek taking it with out asking and more worrying was him still having a key.

He brought the chair back that evening and said he didnt want the other chair. I asked him for the door key which he gave to me without argument and left. The kids kept out of the way.

A few days later we received a telephone call from someone in Colchester who was very interested in the loan of Outlaw. They asked if they could come and see him the following weekend. They had two daughters one the same age as Sheila and a 5 year old. I said that we would also want to see where they were going to keep Outlaw to make sure he would be safe. We would also need a couple of references. They said they were shopkeepers and had a general store in a village just outside Colchester and that there eldest daughter had been riding for 3 years and worked at the stable where they would be keeping Outlaw.

Sheila was very concerned but agreed to them coming to see him. We would make a judgement then depending on our assessment of them.

Lesley had applied to be a nurse some time ago and received a letter asking her to go for an interview at QE2 Hospital in Welwyn Garden City if she was successful she would start when she was 18 yrs old just a couple of months away. We asked my Dad if he would like to come with us and he said he would love to, while Lesley was having her interview me and my Dad could go and look around the shops and have a coffee. She was very nervous but excited.

The interview went really well and they told her there and then that they would love for her to start training as soon as she was eighteen. Nearer the time they would send her all the details.
My Dad and myself were so pleased for her as this was something she had always wanted to do.

The weekend came and the people from Colchester arrived , they seemed really nice people, Sheila and the girl Sharon hit it off straight away. We took them to see Outlaw and they liked what they saw. They got Outlaw tacked up and Sharon rode him and he was the perfect gentleman. She looked a very capable rider and even did a couple of jumps, this pleased Sheila because she wanted him to keep jumping for when she was able to have him back.

We went back to our house to discuss things, they had brought two references with them which were glowing, one a character reference and one from the owner of the stable where Sharon worked. We arranged for us to visit them next weekend to check on their stables and to make a dacision. One thing I needed to arrange was an agreement detailing what we expected from them ie.. collection and at the end of the loan delivery back to us at their expense . Also to set out that it was their responsibility to look after his welfare, vets, wormers, blacksmith etc...I would need to get this signed by the parents.

Sheila myself and Steve went the following weekend to Colchester and were pleasantly surprised by the stables and all the amenities they had. The owner said that Sharon was a very good rider and wasnt afraid of hard work. We went back to their house and I showed them the agreement I had prepared, they both read it and agreed to adhere to the conditions. A date for their collection of Outlaw was arranged, we would meet them at our stables. the paperwork was signed they had a copy and I had a copy and a copy was going to our solicitor.

The day came too soon Sheila was distraught, I felt so guilty but I had no choice. Mike just wasnt prepared to help us out. I couldnt blame him really I suppose. We had also a little yearling called Shemic which we had rescued several months ago. Sheila had worked really hard with him as he was so skinny when we got him. He had been gelded and in a couple of years time would make some young child an amazing first pony. The owner of the stables bought him off us for his granddaughter so we knew he had gone to an excellent home.

Page 100

2008-09-14T01:15:00.000-07:00

At last Mike arrived and I said I had something to tell him , so would he sit down so that we could talk, the children were upstairs. He asked what the problem was and I just blurted out that I had started divorce proceedings, the look of shock on his face was priceless. He then said didn’t I think I had over reacted, I replied that I knew I hadn’t and reminded him of what I had said about one more act or threat of violence and this was what I would do. He said so what next , I said he would have to move out and find somewhere to live, this didn’t go down very well. I said he could go to the council and try and get a flat or if not a room somewhere, he wasn’t impressed but I was amazed at how calmly he was taking this. I think secretly he was perhaps pleased.

I continued to sleep in Sheila`s bed and her on the sofa I felt really guilty but she wouldn’t have it any other way. I was so proud of her. Things were very uncomfortable in our house as the kids made it very plain that they didn’t mind one bit. This was really sad but he hadn’t listened to me. I had on many occasions said that they wouldn’t want to know him if he didn’t give them attention and make it so plain that they were a hindrance to him.

One evening we were all sat in the front room watching the TV, when Mike asked Sheila to make him a cup of tea just at the most crucial part of the film, she said no she was watching the film he jumped to his feet and before any body could do or say anything had hit her in the mouth and split her lip. I flew at him and told him to get out now and that I now knew I had made the right decision. Poor Sheila she was in bits she was so shocked as were we all. Mike got up and walked out.

I went to see the solicitor again as Mike had not even tried to get somewhere to live and I hoped the solicitor could help. He said he would write a letter to Mike stating that he had to be out of the marital home by a specific date which I cant remember in July he said it couldn’t actually be enforced but perhaps Mike wouldn’t know that.

Mike had made a real fuss about the letter informing him of the reasons I had given for the breakdown of our marriage, he didn’t like it but it was all true so he couldn’t say much..

When the letter arrived he said I hadn’t given him any choice, which was right. I know he had thought initially that I wouldn’t go through with it but now realised I was much stronger and there was no way I would change my mind.

He had been to the council but had been told that when the divorce came through then he could take the decree absolute to them and he would eventually be re-housed. In the meantime he had found lodgings with a elderly lady in Bennetts End, just a room with food provided. He couldn’t move in until the day after the solictors letter stated so I said he could stay until then but no he said the letter said this certain day, just to try and make me feel bad he said he would sleep on a park bench, which he in fact did.

The next day the kids and myself set about spring cleaning the house, almost as if we were trying to get rid of him. We all felt a sense of relief, we felt free not having to tread on eggshells. What a sad indictment.

Page 99

2008-09-14T01:00:00.000-07:00

It was going to be fish and chips for tea as it was not possible to cook anything.
I was on my own the kids were out playing and Mike was at work when I got a phone call from a lady who was interested in an exchange. She lived in Warners End she had a three bedroom house in a cul de sac and wanted a four bedroom house . I said I was interested and would like to go and see it and she said come over now.

I drove over and when I saw where it was I realised it would be perfect for Sheila to get to the stables it would only take about ten minutes on her bike. The house looked nice too. There were only three houses either side of the close and the one I was looking at was at the end with a small wood running alongside. It looked really nice. I was even more impressed when I looked inside. The girls would have to share a room ,which was a really good size and Steve could have the single room.

I told the lady I was very interested and arranges for her to look at our house later that evening as she wanted to wait for her husband to come home from work. She said it would be about 6.00pm this suited me as I could tidy up a bit.

When I got home the kids were in and I told them about the house, Lesley and Sheila were a bit worried about sharing a room , as they really didn’t get on. Steve was ok about it but concerned about school as it was a fair distance away from Warners End.
Still the lady hadn’t seen our house yet and she might not like it. I was hoping they would get here before Mike got home from work, I could tell him later. Sheila was really pleased about being so close to the stables so that swung it for her

The lady and her husband came and really liked the house and said if we both agreed she would inform the council on Monday morning, I said I would do the same. I did feel a bit guilty as Mike new nothing about it, no doubt sparks would fly later.

The other house although smaller rooms still had a separate dining room and decent size lounge but a really big kitchen that we could get a table in. after the tiny kitchen in this house it would be heaven.

Mike came home and I made him a cup of tea and told him what I had done, the kids were there, we thought safety in numbers but we couldn’t believe it, he said that he thought that it would be a good move and certainly better for Sheila. I was flabbergasted this was certainly out of character, still don’t knock it.

So Monday morning I rang the council and she said they had already heard from the lady so now they would start the ball rolling. She said it should only take about six weeks as we were all up-to-date with our rents so she couldn’t foresee a problem.

The kids said they would go to the local shops and ask for some cardboard boxes so we could start packing. This would be a nightmare as we were downsizing and I knew no-one would want to get rid of anything. I said that I would take them to see the house that night the lady had said that would be ok. Once they had looked at it they also really liked it. It was much easier having their approval. The packing was all done; the house looked like a tip….no change there then….. That was about all we could do until we had a moving date from the council. I had rung Sheila and Steve’s school and arranged for Sheila to transfer to Halsey School in Warners End . Steve had decided to stay at Mountbatten he didn’t want to change; he said he didn’t mind the travelling. We decided to give it a go and he could change schools if the travelling got too much. His juvenile arthritis was slowly improving the shoe insert was working really well along with the medication. At last he was able to attend school even though he couldn’t do any PE or games.

At last we had a moving date so it was all systems go now, we had just two weeks to arrange everything. What with working full time it was going to be hard work but the kids said they would help. I had to hire a Luton Van as we were going to move ourselves; we also had the land rover and horsebox so we could move quite a lot in that.

A mutual exchange which we were doing meant that both families moved at the same time, timing was crucial or else someone’s furniture etc. would be in the garden. It also posed a problem with laying carpets and cleaning before your furniture went in. Whose idea was this moving lark….oh dear it was mine, I never learn but I had a master plan and if it took this move then so be it. When Mike went we would be in a smaller house therefore much more able to manage on my wages.

The moving day came, we worked so hard dismantling beds, taking up carpets and taking down curtains. A couple of Mikes workmates came and helped thank goodness The move went quite well, Mike having a couple of workmates helping him meant he wouldn’t lose his temper in their presence so we all benefited.

The house was really nice I hoped we could be happy here. It was going to be great for Sheila , it would only take her about 10 mins to cycle to the stables. She was also looking forward to riding outlaw to our house from the stables something she had been unable to do because of the distance.

While Mike took the van back the kids and I got stuck in sorting out the bedrooms. Sheila and Lesley would have to share a room I was aware this was going to be troublesome to say the least. We tried to partition the room by putting their wardrobes down the middle of the room with a bed either side. At least they wouldn’t have to look at each other. Steve had the single bedroom.

The dogs appeared to like it, the garden backed onto a small wooded area making the garden look bigger. It was all fenced Angel being so big could look over a five foot fence so it had to be secure. She was a big softie but people could be a little scared of her because of her size.

When Mike got back he fitted in the cooker and washing machine and assembled the beds. First we were going to have a cup of tea then get stuck in properly. Sheila had to go to the stables to feed and groom outlaw.
The house needed quite a bit of work doing ie decorating, goodness knows when that would get done. The area seemed ok, only three houses each side of the road. It didn’t take us long to get settled in. Sheila started her new school and Steve travelled to his which was ok in the good weather but horrid in the rain.

Time passed we found that the road we lived in was a nightmare, fighting and shouting, not nice at all. Sheila had got in with a bad crowd at school and unfortunately they lived quite near us. Sheila turned into a monster she was 15 yrs old and thought she could do as she pleased. If she hadn’t had Outlaw I think she would have been uncontrollable but she had responsibilities.

Mike had been ok most of the time, he had done some decorating. One night the children were in bed and Mike and I somehow got into an argument over what, I cant remember but he got me by the throat and threw me on the bed but he had forgotton the kids had only just gone to bed and came out of their rooms to see what was going on, Mike immediately let go of me, he had been caught in the act for the first time and said to me “just wait I`ll get you when you are least expecting it, watch your back”. Lesley and Sheila both heard this. Sheila and I both went downstairs as I certainly didn’t want to sleep in the same bed as him. Sheila asked me why I stayed with him, I said because of the horses and all the competitions etc…. she said she would rather put Outlaw out to loan and we would all have a better life. I was shocked. I said I would sleep on it. I said I would sleep on the sofa but she said no, to sleep in her bed in case he came downstairs, she insisted she would sleep downstairs

When I got up the next morning Mike had already gone to work, Sheila said he hadn’t said a word. Sheila and Steve went to school and Lesley and I went to work. I was talking to my friend and boss about what had happened last night and she said I should divorce him and that I shouldn’t have to put up with his nonsense. I had a good job I was pretty sure we could manage. I agreed with her. I had previously said to Mike that if he was ever violent again I would divorce him and it wasn’t an empty threat. Now with Sheila willing to put Outlaw out on loan for a while we would be able to manage.

I rang the solicitor and made an appointment , I was surprised I got one for that afternoon. It was a good job my boss was also my friend so it was easy to arrange the time off. I was quite nervous about going, I had no idea of the procedure.

I saw a really nice man who immediately put me at ease and proceeded to ask loads of questions. From my answers he decided the grounds of the divorce should be irretrievable breakdown of marriage We then had to make a list of all the things that he did that was unreasonable and there was a lot to choose from. After this was all done he said he would get it typed up and then send a copy to Mike, I think when this came I had better make myself scarce. This was May 1980.

When I got home I told the children what I had done and thank goodness they agreed it was the right thing to do. My next obstacle was to tell Mike…I was actually trembling at the thought. I had better have the kids with me.

Page 98

2008-09-13T00:47:00.000-07:00

Everyone was shocked when I got home and told them about Lesley. I rang the hospital at 5.00pm and they said the operation went well and she was sleeping the effects of the anaesthetic off and would probably not be awake until morning. I asked if we could visit this evening but was told no, the earliest I could see her was 2.00pm tomorrow afternoon.

Sheila and Steve wanted to go so they would have to have the afternoon off school. It was a really bad time for Lesley to be off school as she was doing her CSE`s. I rang the school and explained the situation and they said they would do all they could to enable her to just go in for the exams if she was out of hospital in time.

We went to visit her the next day and she looked really sorry for herself as they had made her walk and it really hurt her she said, it was probably more fear than pain. She was in a really nice ward with younger children. She said she had been reading to them. The nurse said she had been a big help to them by keeping the children occupied.

We saw the doctor and he said she would have to stay in hospital until she had her stitches out which would probably be the following Monday or Tuesday. The exams started on the Wednesday so it was going to be doubtful if she could sit them, we would have to play it by ear.

We had a show on Sunday so couldn’t visit Lesley but she understood I said if we got home in time I would ring her. We had a brilliant day Sheila again did really well and we came home with loads of rosettes again. Trina was at the show and invited us to her cottage for a cup of tea Mike said yes but I really wanted to ring the hospital to make sure Lesley was ok. We stayed about an hour and by this time it was about 4.00pm. I rang the hospital and spoke to Lesley she said she had been ringing all afternoon as they had told her she could come home that morning. I apologised but we had no way of knowing this was before mobile phones. I spoke to the sister and asked if I could fetch her now, she moaned a bit but said yes.

Mike took Sheila and Outlaw to the stables and Steve and I went to collect Lesley. I was in such a panic I forgot to take her outdoor clothes and didn’t realise until I got there so she had to go home in her nightdress and dressing gown. What a shambles but she didn’t care she just wanted to be home. It was good really to come home early as she stood a good chance of being able to go to school on Wednesday to do an exam.
With a bit of luck Mike would be able to drop her at school and collect her when she had finished. The school was very good.

Once more chaos reigned, dinner to be cooked, children to bath, clothes to be ironed, beds to be changed. Sheila had to clean her tack …no rest for the wicked and while all this was going on Mike would be sat watching TV demanding a cup of tea or whatever. and ordering the kids to be quiet.

Lesley made it to her exams but was exhausted when she got home. Steve’s foot was much better but he was still in pain but no where near as much as before he had the new medication and insert. The doctor was really pleased with his progress.

I was getting really fed up of Mike’s behaviour although he was good with Sheila and Outlaw he still made no contribution to the running of the house i.e. bills etc….He had now bought a six feet tank for specialist fish, seahorses etc… he sometimes bought them paying around £60 and by the time he got it home it was dead, this happened on several occasions. We had whatever was left after he had got everything he wanted. Sometimes he would buy fish when the children needed shoes. It led to so many arguments but no violence since he came back to live with us, maybe because I had said and he new I meant it, that one more incidence of violence and he would be out. The house was still in my name and I had no intention of changing that. It was my security.

I began to think about mine and Mike’s future together and realised our marriage went wrong the very first time he was violent, which was when I was pregnant with Lesley , by rights I should have left then but it wasn’t possible. I decided I would stick it out until Steve and Sheila reached 16yrs as Sheila needed him for the horse shows and the small amount of money he did contribute. Without him Sheila would have to stop the shows and I didn’t know if I could still afford to keep Outlaw so I had to stick it out.

I decided to get prepared for that day, at the moment we had a large four bedroom house which was expensive to run, we could manage with three bedrooms by the girls sharing. I went to the council and filled in an exchange form and thought I would try to get somewhere closer to the stables at Potten End. This would mean possibly Warners End or Gadebridge it would also be a bonus as we would be much nearer to my Dad at Gadebridge.

Lesley had got herself a new boyfriend, Ian he was a really nice kid. He lived in Gadebridge not far from my Dad. The odd thing was they had both gone to the same primary school but did not know each other. Ian had a really nice motor bike a Motor Morini 350 I think . I was a bit worried about Lesley on the bike because of the things Mike and I got up to on our AJS 650cc but she loved it.

They seemed to be getting on really well. They were out and about most of the time.

I didn’t tell anyone about what I had done as I thought I would see what happened, I had told Mike that we would go our separate ways when Steve and Sheila left school he didn’t like it much but tough. It had taken me long enough to get some backbone. A lot of this was due to my boss where I worked who was also my friend she asked why we were together when we couldn’t stand each other. I realised she was right, so hence my plans. From now on it was me and the kids he could do as he pleased if he didn’t like it he had a choice stay or go, no-one would miss him only his temper.

Sheila went from strength to strength with Outlaw they were real buddies, he would try anything Sheila asked of him. All three children were now in Secondary school {Mountbatten) they were 12yrs and 15yrs respectively. Lesley had a part-time job as a waitress and made quite a lot of money. She really surprised me as she was really quite shy.

I had been at my present job at B.S.I. for 8 yrs and was getting a bit tired of it and really fancied a change, I had worked my way up from a clerical assistant to Office Supervisor and there was no where else to go, I could do the job without really thinking about it and I needed to be challenged. I left without getting another job as in my mind I thought if I wasn’t working then Mike would have to pay all the bills he definitely earned enough. Before I left I was able to recommend Lesley for a job as filing clerk there. She got the job and soon got promotion to progress clerk.

How stupid was I to think Mike would pay the bills, two months later I was job hunting, I must have been out of my mind to even think he would , very soon we owed money again he just would not part with his money . Why should he when he had a fool like me to pick up the pieces. He was well aware that I would soon stop the rot. I realised that my plan to get away from him was the right thing to do for me and the kids.

I decided I would go job hunting the next day and the first agency I went to had a job at a place called Sidal Aluminium that was for what they called a progress chaser in the Sales Dept.. The job entailed chasing orders on outside suppliers also from the mother factory in Belgium.I also would have to keep updated a manual database of all our supplier and customer addresses. This was in the day before computers. There was also trays of different sizes and thicknesses of all stock we held in the warehouse these had to be kept in good condition as constant use by the sales people meant they soon got dog eared. This sounded right up my street I loved working with figures.

The girl in the agency rang them, told them a bit about me and arranged an appointment for that afternoon. I had to dash home, get changed and dash to Maylands Avenue, funnily it was in the same building(Sunley House) as I worked in for B.S.I..

I had to see a Miss Williamson the Sales Office Manager she seemed a nice lady. After a long chat she said the job was mine if I wanted it. It was agreed that I would start the following Monday. Mike and the kids were surprised I had got a job but as I told Mike if I hadn’t, we would have been back where we were when he walked out on us , up for eviction and owing a lot of money and I was not prepared to let this happen again.

I started my new job and loved it. It was quite a small office with a good sized warehouse attached. All the office departments like the accounts, shipping and sales were in the same large office. It was a bit cramped but Kay the sales office manager told me they were in negotiations for much larger premises.

Time passed Lesley had left school and was working at B.S.I Sheila was doing brilliantly with the Show Jumping and Steve was also much better he was now able to go out and play with his mates and get up to allsorts of mischief, like putting on a frying pan to cook something and then going out to play. The lady who lived next door saw the smoke puthering out of the kitchen door and ran round to see what was happening and she was confronted with a smoke filled kitchen and both dogs barking their heads off. She turned off the cooker and got the dogs out and waited for Steve or Sheila to come back. When Steve saw what he had done he was shocked and he thanked the neighbour and waited for me to come home. He said he was hoping I was the first home or else his Dad would have hit him first then asked what had happened.

Lucky for him it was me. The kitchen was in a terrible state, still we were insured and Steve had had the scare of his life, I don’t think he would do that again. If my neighbour hadn’t seen it it could have been catastrophic. Mike eventually arrived home and couldn’t believe his eyes and we all got stuck in to try and get rid of the soot it had covered everywhere in the kitchen.

Page 97

2008-09-12T01:12:00.000-07:00

It was very impressive. It was agreed we would have an individual stable for the winter months and hay and straw storage also the use of the paddocks in the summer months and all owners were responsible for keeping the yard and stables spotless
Mr Harding the owner was a really nice man. He went away to work out a price based on the things Sheila thought she would want.

He came back and said if Sheila would like to help out with the upkeep of the paddocks and see to the tack room he would only charge us £10 per week and unless things changed we could have use of a stable all year round, we were very impressed with this price and Sheila readily agreed to the extra work. We agreed to move in the following Saturday.

Saturday soon came round, we picked up my Dad and the kids and off we went to load Outlaw and move him to his new home. He went in the box really well just a slight hesitation, we thanked Trina for her help and said we were sorry to be going but that we would still come and do the riding for the disabled.

We got to the new stables and offloaded Outlaw he looked really good with his red bandages and blanket Sheila had done him proud. He had been allocated a really nice stable on the main yard. He soon settled in once given his hay. The other people at the yard were really friendly and came and introduced themselves to us. My Dad really liked it it seemed so relaxed.

The travelling to the yard was still a long way for Sheila if it wasn’t possible for either Mike or I to give her a lift but we were usually able to pick her up and stick her bike in the car.

Another couple of weeks and it would be the summer holidays and Sheila had already decided she would spend most of it at the yard. She was now having private lessons and her and Outlaw was doing amazingly well, a real partnership. Neither Lesley or Stephen were keen to ride him I think he was too big for Lesley she was nervous and Steve was just not interested.

We had two dogs Angel our Great Dane and Candy a mongrel we had had for about 5 yrs., Angel was a fairly new addition, and she was my best friend. Sheila used to take Candy to the yard she used to run alongside Sheila on Outlaw and she and Outlaw became good friends. We took Angel on rare occasions as she didn’t care for the horses much.

Candy had had 2 sets of puppies the first set was 6 pups and the second 5 pups and a lady who lived a couple of doors away and her daughter asked if they could see the pups of the first litter. Guess what she put in orders for 5 of them, she had two Aunties who wanted one each and she wanted one and the other two went to various relatives of theirs. We knew who the father was as Candy brought him home. Mrs Fairbrother the lady who wanted the pups, therefore, knew how big the pups would be. The other pup went to a friend of Sheila`s. The next litter about a year later, three of those again went to the relatives of Mrs Fairbrother. Steve was playing with the pups one day and Mike said he had kicked the puppy and hit him so hard it knocked him to the floor. Obviously Steve had not done that but Mike didn’t wait for explanations he just lashed out. I was at work but needless to say we had words when I found out what had happened.

Mike bought a long wheel base land rover and a double horse box ,it was really smart, we needed this as Sheila was now starting to compete in earnest. In the winter she wanted to do lots of hunter trials.

My Dad bought a beautiful saddle and numnah and I bought a bridle and martingale and a couple of new bits.

We all found the new yard was great we could do what we wanted as long as everything was kept neat and tidy, the owner more or less gave everybody a free reign. The private lessons were really good to watch as you could see the improvement with both Sheila and Outlaw.

Mike had been busy kitting out the land rover we had a cooker and all sorts of bits and bobs to enable us to cook a meal at the shows we were anticipating going to. During the winter it would be so cold we would need food to warm us up.

We went to our first show with Outlaw in Chesham, my Dad and Steve came with us. Outlaw boxed really well. A couple of other people from the yard went also; we soon became good friends with them. The weather was really warm

It was a show jumping show and we really had little idea how Outlaw and Sheila were going to do but in the first round they came second and Sheila got a blue rosette Outlaw jumped beautifully. We were using this show to just see how well both rider and horse performed together, as a relationship has to be built i.e. trust each other and know each others limitations. They went on to do another three rounds and received a first and two second places.

The done thing when you get rosettes is to hang them on the windscreen of the land rover. Showing off really but Sheila was so proud. My Dad had really enjoyed the day and said he would like to go again. He particularly enjoyed watching the presentations to the winners, he was so proud of Sheila she really had no fear at all.

We were soon on our way back to the yard now the hard work would begin. Outlaw had to be groomed and fed and his stable mucked out. Mike had to clean the horse-box ready for next weekend. We had shows arranged for the next four weeks, we were going to be busy but this is what it means when you have an ambitious child.

The work didn’t stop there, all the tack had to be cleaned and saddle soaped. Then it was dinner to be cooked, thank goodness the kids were on holiday otherwise it would mean ironing the school clothes for the three of them. Housework was very low on the agenda there just didn’t seem enough hours in the weekends.

Mike took Sheila to the yard before he went to work on the Monday and I had agreed to pick her up after work about 5.00pm. She took a packed lunch and was going to meet up with Sally and Jilly to go for a hack through Ashridge Estate I was a bit worried but they were very sensible girls at least I now knew she had a trustworthy horse. When I went to pick her up she said they had had a lovely time jumping fallen trees and having a really exciting time. She said Outlaw got on with twummy and Sally’s horse whose name escapes me and did everything that was asked of him.

She had already groomed and fed Outlaw so I walked with her to put him in the field, it was too hot for him to be stabled, he loved it in the field, as soon as Sheila took off his head collar he took off like a rocket….slight exaggeration. He galloped twice around the field kicking up his heels and then rolled from side to side on the ground; this was a sure sign of a very happy horse. Sheila and Outlaw were real buddies they had mutual respect, he would do whatever she asked as he new she new what he was capable of. Trust between horse and rider is what every rider hopes to achieve if they are worth their salt.

I noticed a young girl standing on the other side of the yard with a nice iron grey pony, she looked a bit lost, I asked Sheila if she was new she said she hadn’t seen her before. Sheila and I went over to her and asked if she was ok. She said this was her first day at the yard and didn’t quite know where she should be We introduced ourselves she said her name was Ann Custance and I said are you any relation to Pete Custance she looked so shocked and said he was her brother. I said I knew him really well as I worked with him at B.S.I. and he was always talking about his sister.

From then on Sheila and she became really good friends they were always together. Ann didn’t compete at all as her pony wasn’t up to it neither was Ann she was ok riding him around the paddocks but didn’t take him out.

Sheila and Outlaw went from strength to strength they won loads of events and through the winter, hunter trials and cross country, there was no stopping them It was hard work on Mike and my part as we worked all day Monday to Friday then Saturday was spent getting Outlaw and all his tack ready for the shows on Sundays. Mike was a bus driver so sometimes he had to work on Saturdays but always managed to get Sundays off as he had to drive the land rover and horsebox I didn’t feel confident to do that. This didn’t leave me much time for washing, ironing and housework I’m afraid everything got neglected including Lesley and Stephen, they chose not to come to the shows, which was fine but I did feel guilty.

Lesley had not been well for a couple of days she had tummy pains and felt sick I took her to the doctors and she said she thought she had appendicitis and that I had to take her straight to the hospital which she said was St Albans. Lesley and I was scared, the doctor had said her not being well for a couple of days she didn’t want to risk it perforating.

I had never been to St.Albans hospital before so was not at all sure where to go. I parked the car and asked a nurse how to get to a particular ward. She sent us up a load of stairs, which was horrendous for Lesley as she was in such pain. I explained to this nurse but she said this was the only way. We got there eventually and the sister on the ward saw that Lesley was in a pretty bad state and got her in a bed before taking any details.

Lesley was scheduled to have her operation at 3.00pm it was now 2.00pm they said it was an emergency now. In those days 1978 parents were not allowed to stay with their children and I was told to ring about 5.00pm to see how she was and if they thought she was ok we could visit at 7.00pm if not it would be 2.00pm the next afternoon. I was worried sick.

Page 96

2008-09-11T00:44:00.000-07:00

The move went really well, my Dad was thrilled as we all mucked in and got his stuff unpacked and put away, his bed made up and everything spick and span. It was a really lovely flat and I just new he would be very happy there.

I was going to see my Dad one day when I bumped into Linda, who used to be my next door neighbour; she now lived in the maisonette next door to my Dad. I asked if she would like to meet my Dad and she said yes, so in we went to see him. When Linda saw him she said she had already met him a few years ago when we lived next door to her. They got on really well and she said she would keep an eye on him for me.

Sheila had been to the Pony Club Camp for a week and today was the final day when they had a gymkhana for family and friends. I asked my Dad if he would like to go as he loved watching Sheila compete, already she had loads of rosettes. So my Dad, Steve and myself and Mike went and had a great time cheering Sheila and Kim on. She came home with a pony club badge of which she was very proud and a couple of rosettes.

Dad came home with us and had dinner, he said he had had a really brilliant day and looked forward to many more. Later that evening Sheila said she had just about outgrown Kim as she really wanted to do Hunter Trials and show jumping which Kim was too small for. Mike and I said we would think about it as money was a bit tight at the moment but we knew it was inevitable as she was so good she was being held back.

A few days later Sheila was looking through the Horse and Hounds and saw a horse she really liked and as she put it reasonably priced, we had a look and it was a 15 hh grey gelding 5 yrs old, excellent jumper and good to box and shoe. It was priced at £500 which if it stood up to the description was a really good buy. Sheila begged me to ring the ad. And get more details. I did ring and arranged to go and see the horse at the weekend; it was quite a trek as it was in Sussex.

I asked my Dad if he would like to go with us and of course he said he would. In the end we all went Mike, myself Steve, Lesley and Sheila and my Dad quite a car full. It was a really lovely warm sunny day. It took us a couple of hours but it was worth it when we saw the horse, he was beautiful. The owner saddled him up and Sheila got on and put him through his paces and he was amazing. The owner said he was a very kind and gentle horse and he certainly appeared to be. His name was Outlaw. Sheila was ecstatic and my Dad although he knew nothing about horses fell in love with Outlaw and said he would buy her a saddle as Kim’s would be much too small.

Sheila won, we bought him and arranged for them to get a vet report for him, subject to that being ok we would collect him the next Sunday

We now had to try and sell Kim which we dreaded, as he had been an amazing pony, rebuilding Sheila’s trust after Bella. Finding him a home would be easy as everybody at the stable new him.

My Dad really loved his new home and was out pottering in the garden. We did manage to sell Kim to Trina the owner of the stables she was going to use him for her riding school and also riding for the disabled as he was such a gentleman, as she put it. Sheila was really thrilled as she would still see him and most likely be still grooming him as she worked for Trina in return for stabling.

The owners of Outlaw rang us to say Outlaw had received a clean bill of health from their vet, a copy of which was for us. We arranged to pick him up the following Sunday, Sheila was so thrilled.

This time we had to take the land rover and trailer so we took my Dad as well, so once more the six of us went. The trailer was all kitted out for Outlaw lovely fresh hay and new bandages, the excitement was tangible.

My Dad said with all this horsy business he though he should get himself some riding gear i.e. boots and hacking jacket, this was a joke I might add. Outlaw looked even better all beautifully groomed with tail and mane plaited, he looked really smart.
Sheila put on his bandages and a lovely blanket we had bought him and Mike led him into the trailer with no trouble at all.

It took us a couple of hours and when we got to the yard Trina and a couple of helpers were waiting to see Outlaw, we unloaded him and Trina said she was impressed with him which meant a lot to us, as our previous purchase of Bella was us trying to be clever and it all backfiring on us.

Trina saddled him and rode him around the ménage and he did everything she asked, she said we had a lovely horse and Sheila could really reach her full potential with him. Sheila fed him and groomed him then put him in a stable for the night as he had had a busy day, normally he would be put in the field as that was what he was used to.

It was getting more and more difficult for Sheila getting to the stables at Bridens Camp a lot of the time she was going on her bike before school and after and it was a horrible and dangerous trip. Mike worked shifts so could only take her now and again same for me. Things came to a head when Sheila contracted Glandular Fever she was so ill she was unable to go to the stables so we arranged for Trina to look after him, which cost us a fortune.

During this time we talked about moving Outlaw to a place that was easier to get to, all the stables were a distance away but still easier to get to than Trina`s. We waited until Sheila was better which took about a month. Trina told us about a place at Potten End who did do- it -yourself livery which was ideal for us.

We rang them and they invited us to go and have a look, tell them what we required and a price at that point would be agreed. The yard was really nice there were about 10 individual stables and a block of about 4 in the main yard and just off the main yard were about 10 more stables and a ménage. There were three large paddocks and across the way another three fields. A massive tack room and if required a huge barn separated by partitions for each person to keep their hay and straw.

Page 95

2008-09-10T03:39:00.000-07:00

I rang him and he was really interested and asked me to go and look as soon as possible, this I did and the lady said I could go right away. Lesley went with me. The flat was in Waveney, and was on the second floor which I wasn’t sure about as my Dad was 70 yrs old and with having partial paralysis in his left leg the stairs perhaps would not be practical.

The flat was really nice it had a huge lounge and a good-sized bedroom it was spotlessly clean. The kitchen and bathroom were small but adequate. It was decorated really nice it didn’t need anything doing to it at all. I went and rang my Dad and told him about the flat and he was really keen. Mike and I offered to go and bring him to see the flat before he said yes but he was adamant that my say so was enough for him. He knew I wouldn’t let him go to a place if I didn’t think it was right for him, my dad meant everything to me he was the most perfect Dad you could ever have. My Mum used to say we ganged up on her but we didn’t really it was just that she was a bit argumentative to put it mildly and my Dad and I thought there was safety in numbers.

I rang the lady, whose name I have forgotten , she said if it was ok with my Dad she would ask her sister to go and look at the bungalow and like my Dad she would make a decision on what her sister said about it.

Two days later she rang me and said she definitely wanted to exchange, she thought my Dads bungalow was just right for her. I rang my Dad, he was so pleased I couldn’t wait for him to be near us so I could keep an eye on him

I rang the council in Rotherham and asked them to send the relevant paperwork to me on my Dads behalf, as I was dealing with the exchange. To my surprise they agreed. It didn’t take long it was about 3 weeks before we received the ok and a date for the move. We then had to sort out with the lady in Grovehill a mutual date for the move. Mike and Dennis and a mate of Mikes were going to hire a van here then drive to Yorkshire for my Dads furniture etc. and himself of course. I had the day off work to go and clean the flat and wait for them to arrive and have a cup of tea ready. It was about 11.00pm by the time we had got everything arranged in the flat and had a bite to eat and everybody was shattered but it had been worth it my Dad seemed really pleased to be here. That night I said I would stay at the flat and sleep on the sofa just to keep my Dad company on his first night, then the next morning which was Saturday, I would take him to the local shops to familiarise him with his new location. Then I was going to take him to the main supermarket to fill his cupboards and freezer
So he wouldn’t have to bother shopping for a few days if he didn’t want to.

We sat up till about 1.00am talking about things like my Mums death and that he felt coming to Hemel would help him, although he said he had been quite friendly with the lady who lived next door to him, who I knew he and my Mum had gone to school with. He said that had got him through the loneliness he was experiencing since my Mum died. The next thing he said made me wonder if we had done the right thing bringing him here, although he hadn’t mentioned anything about Mrs Smith. He said they had been going out shopping and to shows a couple of times a week.

I had no idea about this and I asked him why he hadn’t told me and he said he thought I might be upset thinking she would take my Mums place, I said I was just pleased he had found someone to take away the loneliness and that I thought it was a wonderful thing, I was just worried about bringing him away from her to Hemel Hempstead when it could have possibly turned into a really nice relationship. I suggested he rang her the next day to let her know he had arrived safely and to possibly suggest either she could come to visit him or he could go to her, he thought he might do that.

Life was still as hectic with Sheila and the horse, ferrying her to the stables if the weather was bad before work and school and then again after work and of course weekends she would go to pony club gymkhanas and whatever else was happening. At weekends we took my Dad to watch he really loved it. He was so proud of Sheila she was absolutely fearless. This new horse Kim was a really kind horse and did everything that Sheila asked of him. Even Steve and Lesley would have a ride on him.

My Dad had settled in the flat but he had not been to well and I called the Doctor as he was really out of breath and felt really off-colour. The Doctor came and examined him and said he wanted to refer him to the hospital as he thought he may have Angina my Dad then shocked me by saying the doctor was right he had been diagnosed with Angina and had been given medication but because he had moved and his notes hadn’t arrived at the new doctor he hadn’t renewed his prescription I couldn’t believe what he had said fancy not telling me , if he had I would have sorted out his medication. The doctor said he had put himself at risk but he would now get it sorted. He also said he didn’t think he should be on the second floor as the steps were to much for him. He said he would write a letter to the council to try and at least get him a ground floor flat. I was really shocked I just couldn’t believe my Dad hadn’t told me, the diagnosis had been about 6months ago. After he got his tablets he soon felt better but I was scared leaving him in case of a problem.

Two weeks later my Dad rang me and said he had received a letter from Dacorum Council offering him a ground floor flat with garden in Gadebridge which was only about 2 miles away from where we lived. He could call in the council offices and collect the key to have a look at it . I said I would have the afternoon off work collect the keys and him and we could go and have a look. He was so excited for one thing to be near us and to have a garden, as he loved growing tomatoes and stuff.

I collected the keys and we drove to the flat which was in a really lovely spot looking on to fields and yet only 2mins. walk to the local shops. It was a ground floor one bed roomed flat with a three bed roomed maisonette above. It was very private and it had a fairly decent size garden just enough for my Dad to handle. It had a lovely big front room and good-sized bedroom, fairly small kitchen and bathroom. My Dad was over the moon he said it felt like home. We went straight to the council and accepted the flat and got a moving date. I arranged to get him some boxes and me and the kids would go and help him pack again. Mike and Dennis didn’t know it yet but they were going to be moving him again but I knew they would be pleased for him to be near us.

I asked my Dad if he had been in touch with Mrs Smith and he said he had and that when he got settled in his new flat he would go and visit her then bring her back with him for a few days. I was so pleased for him.

Page 94

2008-09-09T01:13:00.000-07:00

Sheila was full of it when I got home, Bella had been really good and she had been out for a ride around Ashridge with Sally and Jilly and they had a wonderful time.

On the Monday morning I rang the housing office about getting my Dad moved to Hemel and they were very helpful but said it could take some time as we would have to find someone in Hemel who wanted to move to Rotherham. Another snag was the fact that it was a warden controlled bungalow therefore we would hopefully find someone of retirement age or do what they call a three way swop. It all sounded time consuming. I took away all the forms and decided I was going to telephone them at least once a week. after the forms had been returned so they would get fed up of me and give my Dad somewhere in Hemel. Fanciful I know.

In the meantime Bella had been back to her original owner to be schooled over jumps as promised. When she came back she was a changed horse she wouldn’t do anything she was asked, she was rearing up on her hind legs , trying and sometimes managing to throw Sheila off. She went for a ride with Jilly one day and all went well until Jilly turned off to go to her stables which meant Sheila and Bella had to go about 100yds on their own. Well Bella wasn’t having this she was rearing up in the middle of the road , which was extremely dangerous on narrow country lanes. Luckily Sally and her Mum were driving home past where Sheila was and they stopped to help her. Bella was zig zagging all over the road ,traffic was stopped as they couldn’t get round her.

Eventually Sally managed to get Bella and yanked her down on all fours god knows how Sheila had hung on. I got there just as Sally was trying to hold Bella I was terrified I thought Sheila was going to be trampled on but Sally was a tough girl very experienced with horses and got Sheila off then she got on Bella herself and being much bigger and stronger than Sheila would not let Bella rear.

Betty, Sally`s Mum said the horse was much to headstrong for Sheila and she suggested we speak to a local lady who owned the riding school that sheila went to at Gaddesdon Row to see if she could help out at all.

Sally got Bella back to the field and it took all her strength to do it. Mike arrived and we told him what had happened and he went straight to Trina`s the riding school and told her what had occurred and could she help in any way. She said the best thing was to bring Bella to the school and leave her there on a temporary basis and she would see what she could do. She said Sheila could groom and generally take care of the horse and if she helped out with the riding school horses we would just pay for Bella`s food and any other expences . She said she fancied the challenge. She had thought that a part bred Arab would be too difficult for Sheila to manage as she weighed next to nothing.

A couple of weeks went by but Trina said she was making no headway at all with Bella. She had come to the conclusion that she was just too much for Sheila and over time if we kept her Sheila would be hurt or at the least put off riding altogether and Trina said that would be shame as she had the makings of a really good rider. Her suggestion was to sell her to someone much more experienced and buy Sheila a steady pony to give her her confidence back.

We thought long and hard as Sheila was dead against selling her. We eventually got her to see the sense of it and said she would let Trina find her a horse that she thought was right for her. She also said she would like to stay at Trina`s with the new horse if it was ok with her.

A couple of weeks passed and we got a phone call from Trina saying she had heard about a pony for sale that she thought would be just right for Sheila. We arranged to go and see it on the following Saturday.

It was a lovely pony a dark bay gelding about 13hh it had really nice kind eyes. I could tell Sheila had fallen in love with him. She got on him and cantered around the menage, they looked really good together, they even did some small jumps. Trina gave him a good going over and said she thought he was perfect for Sheila.

Sheila agreed and said she really wanted him his name was Kim. We loaded him on the trailer and off we went to Trina`s, now all we had to do was sell Bella which wasn’t going to be an easy task. When we got back to the stables there was a lady waiting for Trina and she said she had heard about Bella being for sale and that she knew she was a handful but she was really interested in her. Trina suggested she ride her and see how she got on. The first test was to ride away from the yard away from the other horses and see how Bella reacted.

The lady had been told about her rearing and generally being difficult so she was prepared. Sure enough she gave a perfect demonstration of her faults but this lady knew her business and controlled her perfectly and even got her doing exactly what was asked of her. She brought her back to the yard and said she would be very interested in Bella, she looked on it as a challenge. Providing the price was right she wanted her.

We paid £350 for her and she had since been schooled over the jumps. Trina suggested we ask for £450 and be prepared to lower it if necessary as we would be hard pushed to find someone else willing to take her on. We did this and she said she would give us £425 we couldn’t believe our luck as Kim had only cost us £250 so we had made a profit. We also gave her the saddle as it wouldn’t fit Kim so we would have to buy him another one.

Sheila was thrilled with her new horse he was so well behaved and he loved jumping as did Sheila. In no time at all they became really buddies. She continued to keep him at Trinas same arrangement as before. She was also helping Trina with the riding for the disabled this was such a worthy cause the children loved it. I also went and helped, as in some cases it needed three people for one horse and rider depending on the severity of their disability.

All our free time was taken up with the horse now as Sheila loved going to gymkhanas with Kim he was such a quick little horse they won loads of rosettes.

I received a call from a lady in Hemel who wanted to move to Rotherham would you believe, she was in her sixties, so qualified for the bungalow. She had a first floor flat in Grovehill and wanted to be near her sister in Rotherham. I said I would ask my Dad and see what he thought and then go and look at her flat.

Page 93

2008-09-08T03:22:00.000-07:00

The next morning Mike was true to his word, him and the kids went to the field and armed with the carrots, called Tinker and he came straight away. Sheila started to groom him, he let her pick up his feet and clean them with the hoof pick ,then Lesley and Sheila both started brushing him he seemed quite happy with them both doing it. He really was in a bad condition but the kids were being really thorough and Tinker appeared to enjoy it.

Steve and Mike were having a good look around the stable and tack room and Mike decided that after he had taken Tinker for his first morning walk they would all try to clean the place up, it looked as neglected as the pony. The walk was going to be a bit hairy as they only had a head collar and lead rein no bit. After Lesley and Sheila had finished grooming they showed Mike and he was really impressed they had done such a good job.

They evidently had quite a job getting Tinker out of the field he probably hadn’t been out for ages. They finally got him out onto the road and he seemed to enjoy it and he had been a perfect gentleman. On the way back Mike said he seemed to be puffing a bit but it was his first walk on hard ground. Mike said he thought he could hear a loose shoe and the kids agreed they could hear a clattering noise. This meant a visit from the blacksmith. Mike had no idea who the others used so he decided to ring the lady who owned the field she said the blacksmith was coming the following day to shoe the other horses. She gave him the telephone number to arrange for Tinker to be looked at.

Mike told her we had had the vet and told her it was not laminitis, that he just needed a decent diet and gentle exercise which they had started today. She said she was pleased he had a good family at last. She said the local children had been caught riding Tinker bare back because they knew no-one cared for him. She suggested we put up a notice on the stable saying he had new owners and they were not to ride him.
Mike asked if it was ok to do a little maintenance work on the stable and tack-room and generally tidy up. She said he could do what he wanted to improve the buildings any costs incurred she would re-imburse him. She was thrilled somebody was taking an interest.

So far we hadn’t seen any of the other people who had their horse there. Evidently there was a man whose daughter had her horse there a lovely 15hh dark bay. A young girl whose Dad was Gordon Benningfield the artist who at a later date designed the postage stamps with field mice and birds. Also the owner who had 2 horse Tally ho and a very old horse who just ambled around ,she was I believe about 20yrs old .

While the kids and Mike were doing odd jobs Tinker was there with them. Sheila started grooming him again and he really loved it. I think Sheila was more into horses than Lesley and Steve, I think Lesley was a bit scared like me , whereas Sheila just had no fear at all. Steve preferred to help Mike. I was very jealous as I had to go to work. They had been there since about 9am and were all starving as it was about 4pm before they realised how hungry they were.

They fed Tinker, gathered their bits and pieces and went home for something to eat. They had to be at the field early again for the blacksmith and Tinkers exercise. I hoped Mike would keep it up as we would be in a bit of a mess. He seemed to love it as much as the kids.

Time passed and Tinker and Sheila became a real partnership, Lesley and Steve really were not a bit interested in riding him but they enjoyed grooming and lunging him. Sheila soon became friends with Sarah the girl who kept her horse there she was older than Sheila about 14 yrs old and her friend Jilly whose horse was called Twum.

Sheila joined the Pony Club and went to several gymkhanas and did quite well, she won loads of rosettes. Lesley and Steve rarely went to the field, Tinker had more or less become Sheila`s pony. Either Mike or I would drop the kids off at the field along with their packed lunches and they would be there until one of us picked them up.

It wasn’t long before we realised Sheila had grown so much that Tinker was really too small. We went to a place in St Albans to look at a part bred Arab pony approx 13hh whereas Tinker was only 11.2hh. The pony was beautiful a lovely iron grey that held her tail really high as she trotted along. The lady who was selling her said she was an ideal pony for Sheila. Sheila got on her and rode around the ménage they looked really good. The pony did everything that Sheila asked her to. The lady said in a couple of months she would have the pony, who was called Carrick Bella-Donna back to school her for jumping, as this was what Sheila wanted to do hopefully in the future. We bought the pony. She took Tinker in part exchange it was very sad parting with him.

He had been our learning tool. The lady was going to bring Bella the following day to our field. I was at work but went to the field after work to see Bella. She had arrived and looked beautiful but Sheila was having difficulty riding her she was very skittish, we put it down to new surroundings and decided to feed her and leave her to settle in on her own.

Sheila was upset but realised tomorrow hopefully she would have settled down. I was getting very worried about my Dad he didn’t seem to be settling on his own, I decided I was going to see him next weekend and have a chat about him coming to live in Hemel Hempstead to be near me.

Mike managed to get a couple of days off to look after the kids as Bella was still being a pain and I didn’t want the kids to be unattended at the field just in case. Mike loved being there, so he was pleased

I left for my Dads on Friday after work and got there about 9pm my Dad was so pleased to see me he cried. I asked him about coming to Hemel and he said he would like to give it a go but that he wanted to live in his own flat or house. He said he didn’t think he could cope with living with us , which I fully understood. I said when I got back I would go and see the housing people and see what could be done. He seemed to brighten up a bit.
I left my Dads house at about 3pm on the Sunday. It was awful waving goodbye to him, I didn’t like leaving him but I had no choice

Page 92

2008-09-07T01:07:00.000-07:00

I was reading the local paper over the weekend and saw an advert in the pets dept about a pony for sale it was only £80 which I thought seemed so cheap for a pony. I read it out to Mike and he said lets ring and go and have a look. We had no intention of buying it. We had nowhere to put it thank goodness. The other thing was we knew nothing about horses. It was Sheila and Lesley that went to local stables and helped out in return for riding lessons.

Mike rang , the pony was stabled at Potten End. The man who owned it said he would meet us at the field in half an hour. We quickly found Lesley and Steve and told them we were going to look at this pony they were really excited. The field was opposite the Alford Arms pub.

The man was waiting for us with the pony. It was so sweet he said it was a welsh mountain pony very hardy and his name was Tinker. The guy said he was overweight because he hadn’t been ridden, his daughter had out-grown him. Lesley and Steve fell in love with him he seemed so friendly. The guy said if we wanted him he would drop the price to £50 as he hadn’t the time to take care of him properly. The field had a sort of makeshift stable which cost £10 per week. I could see that Mike was tempted and the kids certainly were and Sheila, if she had been here would have been ecstatic, she was horse mad.

The guy said he would go to the pub and have a pint to give us time to think about it. I was really concerned as we knew nothing about how to take care of him. He really looked very overweight and he had reduced the price a little too quick for my liking. He came back and said he would leave the food bins which were half full of food also the hay which would keep us going for a while. When Mike said we knew nothing about keeping a pony he said the person who owned the fields was a real horsewoman and what she didn’t know about horses wasn’t worth knowing. He said there was also two girls who had horses there.

Mike looked across at me and I said ok but that he must help with the care of it. The kids were jumping about like mad things the pony galloped off. We arranged with the owner to go and get the cash and he also gave us the phone number of the field owner, to make sure we could continue to keep the pony there. We arranged to go to the guys house and pay for the pony after we had done this.

The lady turned out to be the wife of a Doctor at our surgery. We explained the situation and she said we could keep the pony at the field. She would meet us there in about 1 hours time as there were certain rules we had to abide by. She also wanted a deposit of £10. Off we went to get the money for the pony and now for the field as well.

I also rang Sheila and told her what we had done you could here the screams from the other side of the room. She wanted to come home straight away, she said she couldn’t believe it. It was her dream that she thought would never come true. I said we had to pay for the pony and the field in an hours time, when we had done this we would come and get her.

We did everything, then set off for London to get Sheila it would take us about an hour. I couldn’t believe what we had done, bought a horse, rented a field and set out on a completely new way of life although we weren’t aware of it then.

By the time we got back from London it was too late to take Sheila to see the pony as it was dark. We promised we would take her first thing in the morning. Mike was also going to get some books about keeping horses. There was a really nice pet shop locally that also sold horsey stuff ie saddles and bridles and rider clothing.

We really hadn’t thought this through, the amount of stuff we needed was mind boggling and would cost a fortune. Until we had a saddle and bridle the pony couldn’t be ridden. The lady who owned the field said we should really have a vet to check Tinker over, she was wondering if he had something called laminitis which was really serious, if he had this he couldn’t be ridden as it affected the feet. She recommended a local vet who specialised in horses.

We gave him a call and he said he would be there that afternoon around 2pm. He would like us to catch him and tie him up ready for him to check over. Sheila was full of bravado and said she would try and catch him. Well it was so funny, there was no way Tinker was going to be caught, Sheila came back to us absolutely shattered. We tried for about an hour with no success at all. I decided I would drive to the local shop and buy some carrots, maybe we could entice him to come to us.

My-self, Lesley, Steve and Sheila all stood there holding out these carrots and would you believe it he came trotting over to us. Very brave I was by throwing the lead rein over his head and we quickly tied him to the stable while he munched away at the carrots. This was the first time Sheila had been able to see him and touch him. She had no fear at all.

Mike came back from the saddlers with a load of stuff, half of which Mike and I had no idea what they were for. He said he had told the guy that we had just bought this pony and that we needed everything for grooming and riding. He had arranged to go to the saddlers the next day to sort out a saddle to enable the kids to try and ride him. Mike was impressed we had caught him.

The vet came at 2pm on the dot. He took one look at the pony and said there was a lot of work to be done. He did loads of checks and said he was pleased to say he hadn’t got laminitis he was grossly overweight and had been really neglected. He needed a lot of gentle exercise mostly walking with no rider , he though Sheila could ride him at walking pace as she was so light but only around the field. He wormed him, checked his feet and apart from the weight issue he gave him a clean bill of health. He said the main thing the pony needed was plenty of TLC and lots of grooming as that created a bond between the pony and the people grooming him. He also said he had a feeling he might play us up for a while and generally be a naughty pony this was due to the neglect he had suffered.

The vet suggested that Mike walk him from the field to the top of Lady`s Mile every day for a week, then a walk from the field to the bottom of Lady`s Mile and back which would be about 3 miles for the next week. After that, if we were happy and the pony seemed fitter, then the children could attempt to ride him gently, fastest pace a trot for a couple of weeks then the vet would like to see him again. We thanked him and said we would do what he said. He also gave us advice on feeding how much and what type and how often.

Page 91

2008-09-06T01:21:00.000-07:00

People were slowly going home but not before they said, if my Dad ever wanted anything even, just company he should give them a ring and they would come and see him. Most of them lived in either Rotherham or Sheffield most of them only about 10mins.drive away. It was about 6pm by the time we went home after saying goodbye to everyone.

Of course the first thing was to put the kettle on then we sat and discussed the day. We all agreed it was horrible at first but after seeing and talking to everyone we all felt much better.

Dennis said because he was going to rehab he wouldn’t be able to visit my Dad until it was over. My Dad said he would, when able try to visit Dennis . I said I would write and if possible if they allowed it I would telephone him. He said for the first month or two he wouldn’t be able to have any contact with anyone.

We decided yet again we would have fish and chips, Dennis came with my and we left my Dad getting the plates ready. Dennis and I chatted I knew he had been really hurt not knowing my Mum had died he said in future he would always leave either a number or address so that we could contact him. I said it was even more important now as my Dad would be on his own and if anything happened to him I would like to be able to get hold of Dennis as he could be there quicker than myself.

We had our fish and chips and Dennis went home and said he would come and see my Dad later in the week. I wished him all the luck in the world getting off the drugs and would try and see him when he was allowed visitors.

I was dreading going home the next day and leaving my Dad on his own but I had no choice. I was missing my kids dreadfully and hoped Mike was being reasonable with them. He had such a short fuse. I also had a job to go too. They had been amazing about letting me have all this time off with pay. I must not abuse it. My Dad did understand but I knew he was apprehensive. I said I would ring him two or three times a week and that if he wanted a chat or whatever to ring me either at work or at home anytime.

It was very emotional saying goodbye to my Dad I couldn’t believe my Mum had gone forever. I was sobbing and had to drive around the corner to sort myself out before that long ride home. On the M1 you needed to have your wits about you.

I found a phone box and rang home but there was no-one in. I pulled myself together and off home I went , I should be home probably just as the kids came home from school.

I got home before the children came home from school. The house was a bit of a mess but I didn’t mind as long as they were ok which I would soon find out. I was just going to sit down and have a cup of tea when Sheila and Steve came in followed by Lesley. They came running down the hall straight into my arms and we had a big hug the four of us. They said they had missed me, that their dad had been horrid to them and for me to please not leave them with him again. He hadn’t hit them but he had been really mean. Made them do all the housework and washing up and to go to bed really early.
I said I was back now and we could try to get back to normality. They said they were already missing their Nan and felt guilty about not going to the funeral. I told them their granddad had agreed it was best for them to stay at home. He also said in a few weeks he would like to see them and I had agreed to take them in the next holidays for a couple of days.

I had no idea what time Mike would be home he had not left a note. I got dinner for me and the kids as I thought he would probably eat at work as he knew I was coming home today. I had quite a lot of washing to do and my stuff to get ready for work in the morning.

I was looking forward to getting back to normal as the last few weeks had been the worst of my life and I felt drained. I wasn’t really looking forward to work in the morning I felt so tired.

Mike came home about 9.00pm he had eaten so I didn’t have to cook again. Sheila and Steve were upstairs in bed and Lesley and I were watching TV. Mike asked how everything had gone and was my Dad ok. I said he appeared to be coping but we would see when he was on his own . He said the kids had been quite good but he thought I was too easy with them . He said they should do more around the house. He thought they should each have their jobs to do. I said he was probably right and I would think about it.

I went to work the next morning and everyone was asking how things went. I thanked my boss for being so understanding it helped a lot not having to worry about getting back to work. He said he expected me to have the rest of the week off. There aren’t many bosses like him. John Minto one of the inspectors, in fact, my favourite said he was glad I was back as he had been booking his own overseas travel and Hotels and had made a real mess of it. I really loved my job it was so interesting. Arranging the visits for the inspectors at home and overseas, they had to be unannounced as it would have defeated the object if the companies had been informed , the B.S.I. kite-mark was very important as a lot of places would not buy the goods if they were not kite-marked as they knew how thorough the inspections were. There were about 6 inspectors based at the office and 4 who worked from home dealing with inspections at home.

It was a really good place to work everyone was so nice. The work involved a meticulous approach as one error on booking flights etc.. was catastrophic. I had been there four years and had worked hard to get this job as I started as just a clerk. I loved challenges and this had certainly been one . The first thing I had to do was get the inspectors to trust me to get the job done to make their working lives run smooth.

While I had been away Steve had been complaining about a painful ankle, Mike said he thought he had sprained it or something. Steve said it was still really hurting him so I said would make him an appointment at the doctors, which I did and was able to get an appointment for the following evening.

We saw Dr Williams and she said she thought he must have sprained it but to be sure there were no breaks she sent us to the hospital. Steve had x-rays and nothing was broken but there did appear to be unexplained swelling of the foot and ankle so they said they would refer us to the orthopedic consultant and to wait for an appointment through the post

Poor Steve the pain got worse and worse it got so bad he had to get up in the middle of the night and put his foot under the cold tap to try and get some relief from the pain. He was such a brave little soul he didn’t wake me up. Finally we received an appointment to see the consultant.

Steve and I went to West Herts Hospital and saw the consultant Mr. Savant and he was puzzled he said he wanted to do some more special x-rays so he walked with Steve and I to the x-ray dept. Steve was walking in front of us and the doctor turned to me and said “he doesn’t know we are watching him and he is still limping badly”. I was fuming I told him I thought that was very underhand and that he hadn’t seen my son crying with pain , if he had he would know it was not fake. He apologized but said he had to see for his-self. The Doctor arranged for Steve to have a small operation, in fact a biopsy on his ankle, this was very scary for Steve. After the operation he wasnt allowed to put any weight on his foot

We put a TV in Steve’s bedroom to try and keep him off his foot. It was going to be really horrible for him as Sheila and Lesley were at school and Mike and I at work, there was no way I could have more time off work. I left him drinks and something to eat but other than that he only had Candy the dog for company.

After a week Steve was just about pulling his hair out and his foot was no better if anything worse maybe from the lack of exercise. The other thing that worried me was him not being able to go to school but it was how things were. A couple of weeks went by and we received an appointment to see Dr Savant. He said the tests were inconclusive and he had referred Steve to a consultant who specialised in this type of problem. In the meantime he would prescribe him a new stronger medication to ease the pain. He was to use the crutches as much as possible.

At last we received an appointment for Northwick Park Hospital for a couple of day’s time, I arranged to have the day off from work as holiday. I couldn’t wait to try and get a diagnosis for Steve, as yet we still had no idea what was wrong. He had lost so much weight and was bent like an old man, it really was a scary time and you always fear the worst.

We went to Northwick Park hospital and they were so thorough. First the Doctor saw him (a lady doctor). She had a good look at his foot and leg asked him loads of questions in a nice way not condescending like Mr. Savant. Then it was more x-rays and also she took photographs of him full on and side views as she said she needed to have a record of how he looked at the onset of the treatment she was going to sort out for him. She said she had a few ideas of what was wrong but would wait until she had seen all the x-rays and photo`s and read thoroughly the notes provided by Mr Savant. At last someone was going to hopefully find out what was wrong with Steve. She said she wanted to see us in two weeks time.

The two weeks seemed to take ages to come round. She took one look at him and said she could see further deterioration in the two weeks since she had seen him. Also from the tests she did last time she found that his leg was thinner than the other one also the bones in his knee were rubbing together and going powdery as the fluid sacs that cushioned the bones were non existent. The damage to his knee was possibly caused by the use of the crutches. This led her to be 98% sure that Steve had juvenile arthritis and although it was going to take weeks, months or maybe years, by puberty it would disappear as quick as it came.

To alleviate the pain he was in she was going to prescribe a different medication and also get him a special insert to put in his shoe that would help with the pain not cure it but also lesson the damage to his knee. For this we had to see someone else for them to make a mould of his foot then they would build it up to what the doctor thought was needed then Steve would try it for a week then she wanted to see him again and if necessary make further adjustments.

We went away feeling really optimistic. I got a phone call from the hospital a week later and they said the insert was ready and could I take Steve the following day with the shoes he would be wearing for possibly the next two months.
Off we went to the hospital and the insert was fitted in his shoe by a technician, he had to adjust it to fit the shoe, now I realized why they wanted Steve to wear the shoes he would be wearing for the next few months. They had him walking indoors and outdoors, for him to see if it helped him, they didn’t want him to use the crutches any more she thought they were doing more harm than good. He said it felt much easier with very little pain. A few more adjustment `s were made and it was just a matter of time for Steve to get used to it.

At last there was light at the end of the tunnel, we had at last got a diagnosis, also we now new it would eventually go even if it was 3 or 4 years away. This still seemed daunting. The doctor said he must not do any sport or PE at school but other than that he could do whatever he felt able to do. I think Steve felt tons better just knowing that it would go. He seemed much brighter.

I rang my Dad that evening and he said he was doing ok. He said he had his moments missing my Mum but on the whole he was doing better than he thought he would. Auntie Betty he said had been brilliant and was really looking after him. He said he had been to see Dennis in the clinic and that he seemed to be doing fine. The old Dennis was coming back. Dennis told him he would be in there for six months.

Lesley was doing really well at school she had made a really good friend with a girl called Cathy, she was a really nice girl and was spending a lot of time at our house. She had three brothers, she was the only girl and the youngest. I don’t think her home life was very good, she hadn’t said anything but I just felt things were a bit not what they should be.

In a couple of weeks it would be the school summer break, which this year would be a bit of a problem, as previously my Mum had come to stay and watched the kids. I would just have to trust them to behave. Lesley was 13 yrs old and very sensible far beyond her years. Mike doing shifts would help also as he would be home part of the day. It still worried me.

I wasn’t feeling too well myself at this time I think with everything that had happened over the last couple of months and now the pressure was off I felt quite ill. I couldn’t speak properly, my words were all coming out back to front. I felt so tired and worn out. I was also losing weight which I couldn’t afford. Mike persuaded me to go to the doctors. I explained everything to her, she said she thought I was suffering from depression and prescribed some anti depressants which I was loathe to take but I had to do something. She said it would take a couple of weeks before they did anything.
I got worse, not better, I couldn’t stop crying why I was crying I had no idea. I went back to the Doctors and she said the antidepressants were not working. She said she would like to try something else if I would not mind. She said she was going to prescribe me some multi vitamins as she was sure I didn’t eat very well when I was travelling up and down the motorway every weekend. I told her I wasn’t eating much now as I wasn’t hungry. I said I would give it a go

It was called Vitavel, and after a few days I started to feel so much better, within a week I was back to normal all it had been was a vitamin deficiency. The kids had been on holiday for about 2 weeks and it seemed to be working ok.

Mike`s sister June who lived in Hammersmith, she had a general store one of those that opened early in the morning and didn’t shut until midnight. She rang and asked if Sheila would like to go and stay a few days as Mikes other sister Mollys daughter was over from Belfast and her and Sheila were really good mates.

Sheila was thrilled to bits she loved helping in the shop. It was arranged Mike would take her on the Friday and the visit was open ended. That helped me as well as there would only be Lesley and Stephen at home during the day. It seemed to be so quiet without Sheila there was no one for Lesley and Steve to argue with. Sheila telephoned us a couple of times saying she was having a great time

Page 90

2008-09-05T03:27:00.000-07:00

We were going to give the bungalow a good clean today ready for the visitors on Monday. It only needed a little polish and hoover. We had just got started when there was a knock at the door it was my brother Dennis. Thank goodness he seemed drug free which was a good thing. I said I would make a cup of tea, then my Dad and I would tell him about our Mum. This was going to be really hard on all of us even though my Dad and I had had time to come to terms with it somewhat.

I heard Dennis ask how my Mum was and my Dad started to tell him she had died but broke, down, I went in and told Dennis what had happened he sobbed, he was hurt that we hadn’t told him sooner but we were unable to because we didn’t know his address or telephone number. He said in future we would know how to contact him. We told him the funeral was on Monday at 12noon . My Dad said he had some clothes Dennis could wear, as he hadn’t got any formal wear only jeans, his lifestyle didn’t call for formal clothes he travelled very light. My Dad begged him to come to the funeral drug free he said he hoped he could rely on him to do that for my Mums sake and ours. We needed him to help us cope. He promised that he would.

My Dad asked him if he wanted to stay over but he said no. He needed to mourn on his own. He didn’t fool us, what he really wanted was drugs, don’t get me wrong he was in shock, in spite of everything, he really loved my Mum and I was pretty sure he would be drug free at least for Monday.

He tried on a dark grey suit of my Dads it fit perfectly, there was also a shirt but no black tie still he would look smart. He only stayed a couple of hours I gave him a couple of pounds for his fares on Monday but I knew it would be gone before then. It was horrible watching him go he should have stayed with us but the pull of drugs outweighed anything else.

I said to my Dad did he fancy going out for a drive he said he wouldn’t mind going to Auntie Betty`s to ask her about the clothes because if she was interested he would like me to be there with her and if not to sort them for charity. Being as I was going home on Tuesday morning Sunday would be ideal. It did seem as if we couldn’t wait to get rid of the clothes but if it wasn’t done before I went home it would be left to my Dad to sort it and this he didn’t think he could do.

We drove to Brinsworth , they were in thank goodness. She made us a cup of tea and I asked her about the clothes and she said she would love to have some. I explained that we wanted to do it before I went home and she said she would come over tomorrow Sunday. She said Uncle George would bring her and take my Dad out for a drink while we sorted things out so he wouldn’t have to witness it.

We ended up staying for tea which was nice. My cousins Tony and Brenda came round they were coming to the funeral. We stayed about three hours and then went home. We watched TV a bit but neither of us could concentrate. So we talked instead about my Mum and also about how my Dad thought he would cope on his own. He seemed quite optimistic but I wasn’t sure if that was for my benefit. I told him that at anytime he got down and needed to come to us he only had to ring anytime day or night. His welfare was very important to all of us. If an emergency arose we could be there in 2hours with a fair wind less than that.

Morning came it was a lovely day weather-wise . I had a shower and started getting breakfast ready. The smell of the bacon must have woken my Dad as I could hear him in the bathroom. We both tucked in my Dad said I was spoiling him.

I was going to make my Dad some Cheese and Potato pies and cottage pies to freeze so that he could have them when I had gone back home. I knew he would eat but maybe not very healthy food. I could imagine him living on fish and chips and fry-ups.

I would be visiting him as often as I could and hopefully he would come and stay with us but I wouldn’t hold my breath. He really didn’t like Mike very much because of things that had occurred in the past the violence etc……

We did a bit of housework and then waited for Auntie Betty to arrive to sort out mums clothes. We were also expecting Dennis to pop in and hopefully stay overnight ready for the funeral on Monday. We could then make sure he was drug free and decently dressed. If he went home we would have no control of him and god knows how he would turn up if at all. You would think that at 27 yrs old he would be a bit more reliable but there was only one person in his life at the moment and that was him and his drugs.

I was dreading sorting through my Mums clothes and I know my Dad was but if we didn’t do it now it would mean my Dad would have to do it and that was not an option. Auntie Betty arrived and my Uncle George which was good because my Dad and him could chat away and leave us to it or go for a drink.

Auntie Betty said she didn’t feel right about doing this but she realised it was for the best to save my Dad doing it. There were two ward-robes full of dresses, coats and skirts, blouses. We didn’t know where to start.

It seemed that every item reminded us of a specific time she wore it. Like a suit she wore at Muriels wedding, one she wore at Tony` wedding and so on. I looked across at Auntie Betty and she had tears rolling down her face that started me off and we ended up crying our eyes out. We just couldn’t sort them it was too hard. I went to talk to my Dad and suggested that Auntie Betty took it all and sorted it at her house with her agreement of course, which she did and Dad agreed also. We packed everything in suitcases and Uncle George took them straight to the car.

Auntie Betty said she thought we should stop now and have a sandwich and cup of tea and try to relax as tomorrow was going to be a harrowing day. We sat and chatted about anything and everything. Auntie Betty also said that she would bring my Dad some meals after I had gone and that he could go to them for Sunday dinner or anytime he wished.

She was amazing she had been the only one offering help to my Dad the others were conspicuous by their absence. I just hoped they turned up tomorrow. It was 11.30pm and Dennis hadn’t turned up so we could only hope he would arrive clean and drug free in the morning.

I woke up about 7am after a very restless night my Dad was already up and had the kettle on. What would we do without a cup of tea? We were sat talking drinking our tea when there was a knock at the door it was only 7.30am. It was Dennis looking great and as sober as a judge. He apologised for not coming yesterday. We all had a big hug none of us knew how to cope with today the funeral and everything. I would have preferred not to have tea and sandwiches after but this is how it is done.

I made Dennis some breakfast and we sat and chatted about things. He said he had arranged to go into rehab. in Sheffield on the 24th May about 3 weeks away. It was in Middle Wood Hospital , evidently they had a building they had turned into a drug rehab residential clinic. It was a condition of the court he had been caught shoplifting again, he was really hopeless at it on his own admission.

So this time he couldn’t just walk out as he usually did or he would go to prison. My Dad and I hoped it would help him; he was such a nice person without drugs. With drugs he was dreadful, he would steal off myself and my Mum and Dad even her medicine which was a cocktail of morphine and other drugs. My Dad had had to hide it before he let him in but sometimes he still found it. He stole anything that was not nailed down, clothes, jewellery all-sorts .

Talking about Dennis took our minds off the funeral. Time was passing quickly and we decided we had better get ready. Dennis was first he, looked really smart the suit my Dad had lent him fitted perfectly, my Mum would be proud. My Dad looked amazing too and I didn’t look too bad myself according to the other two.

I showed Dennis the wreath and he agreed it was ideal. It was 11am we were all ready for what , we didn’t quite know. There was a knock at the front door and it was Auntie Betty and family soon after all the other relatives and some friends came. Then the dreaded hearse came. I fought to keep back the tears as did my Dad and Dennis this brought home the finality of it all.

I gave the wreath to the funeral director or whoever he was and he went and put it on the coffin it did look good if that’s possible but without it, it would have looked bare. Getting in the car behind the hearse was the most heartrending thing I had ever done, I felt sick and faint my poor Mum…..why her….. There were two other cars and the rest of the mourners went in their own cars . It was horrendous something I was sure I would never get over.

The next horrific thing was the crematorium to see that coffin with my Mum inside slide away just ripped my heart out .My Dad , Dennis and myself just clung to one another the tears falling down our faces. It was all over in about 20mins and we went back to the cars and back to the tea and sandwiches it seemed obscene. My Auntie Betty tried to say that we should look on it as saying goodbye and celebrate her life and talk about her.

I must admit the get- together of all our relatives was really nice and we soon all got chatting, mainly about my Mum but it wasn’t as bad as I expected. I looked across the room at my Dad and he seemed to be ok. I was pleased to see that his sister my Auntie Bessie and Uncle Albert were there, we had asked them but hadn’t really expected them. They lived in Wakefield. I could see my Dad was enjoying talking to them and Dennis was talking to our cousin Tom. I began to realise that this wake as it is called, served a valuable service by getting everyone together and by talking, it took you away from dwelling on the loss of that person you were saying goodbye too.